Sep 2, 2025
1986.
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1986.
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Also, remember when I was reading The Satan Seller and Wicca: Satan's Little White Lie, and noted that the claims Mike Warnke and Bill Schnoebelen made about their supposed lives as satanists sounded an awful lot like power fantasies, with all their talk about being high priests and having all these orgies? It's seriously undeniable that one purpose of conspiracy theories is giving puritans something to get titillated over without feeling sinful.
1991 - Out Of My Mind (Mike Warnke)
Format pictured: VHS
Released in 1991 by Word (Distributed by DaySpring).
Something I've noticed with a lot of video essays on Satanic Panic is that they always focus on the beginning being in the 80s with "Michelle Remembers", when I would say it started with "The Satan Seller" by Mike Warnke. In fact, I'd argue that Mike Warnke doesn't get enough spotlight when it comes to the Satanic Panic, along with Bill Schnoebelan, both of which I feel are key players within the growth of the Satanic Panic. If anything, it feels like most essays on the Satanic Panic usually have a hyper-focus on Michelle Smith being the starting point when I'd argue that she was just one of many. I think Mike Warnke's work was critical to the narrative as his book was avaliable before Michelle's and needs to be acknowledged in the impact of the Satanic Panic on society.
Listened to the You're Wrong About podcast's episodes on Mike Warnke (an early influencer in the Satanic Panic - he claimed he'd been a satanic priest before finding Jesus and wrote a book about it), and Sarah mentioned that people seem willing to believe in extremely horrible things if it allows them to have a morally simplistic worldview.
Like. Yeah. That's about the size of it.
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Something we improvised on the streets of Marshall, Michigan for a Vice program about Christian stand-up comedians and the "church circuit."
Unlike the narrative in Michelle Remembers, which was obviously influenced by modern horror media rather than any real occult practice, The Satan Seller is obviously more informed by real occult practices. In my opinion there's just enough knowledge in here to make it slightly plausible. Warnke's narrative references things 20th century occultists and witches were actually into - astrology, lighting candles while performing spells, grinding herbs together, appropriating Hebrew (not that Warnke is aware of that being a bad thing), the phrase "so mote it be," and similar.
If this guy had been content to claim that he'd fallen in with a bunch of young edgelords in college, I think he could have had a pretty plausible narrative. But Mike Warnke was not content to claim anything so mundane, oh no.
He claims that he was basically doing all of the drugs while he was in college and was struggling financially to support his drug habit (note that his former college friends called bullshit on this), and at this time this guy named Dean Armstrong got him into Satanism because he saw a potential for greatness in this drug-addicted college student who got fired from his part-time job for stealing money from his place of employment.
Dean basically assures him that he doesn't have to worry about money anymore because whatever he wants, the Satanists will give him. And they really go all-out spoiling this guy, buying his favorite kind of furniture without him even asking:
A long, low, oxblood leather couch replaced the sagging old brown horsehair one, and there were two sets of bookshelves full of books beneath the windowsill where there had been a rickety scarred table. The biggest surprise was on the floor—two chicks sitting on a white rug.
“Oh, wow,” was all I could think of to say. “Did you two do all this since I left for the meeting?” I went over and sat on the soft couch, feeling the smoothness of the leather. “Who knew the type of furniture I like?” In my casual conversations, I probably had mentioned being attracted to certain types of furnishings, colors, etc. But I could not help thinking of Satan’s power, and my experience with the wishing smoke which Teresa had concocted for me.
The Satanists spare no expense buying this guy all kinds of fancy swag:
The next week just flew by, with the girls helping me pick out a new wardrobe of clothes and a complete set of china and silverware. The biggest acquisition of our shopping trips was a stereo set which had everything, I mean, everything. The manager of the store evidently was on the fringes of the “movement” and said whatever I chose was mine. “Get what you want. Don’t settle for second-best, Mike,” he said. “If I don’t have it here, I'll put it on order.” He had what I wanted, and it was delivered that same day.
By the way, this kind of casual misogyny is all over the book so far. He's always referring to women as "chicks" and describes treating women in really gross, disrespectful ways without showing the slightest hint of remorse. Also, the "wishing smoke" he refers to? He wished that Theresa would beg him for sex, and it very nearly worked (according to him). Theresa, in his narrative, basically brushed this off with "it's fine, you didn't know any better, you didn't really believe in the power of Satan."
Just... eew?
Oh, and he tells a wild story that supposedly demonstrates the power of demons over the physical world:
The day before the first meeting at which I would preside, I still felt touchy about how to call on those demonic spirits. I had already read one case where two jokers had been fooling around and had stood in the wrong part of the circle, with their toes on the pentagram, and the demons had crushed them to death. Their rib cages had caved in like balsa wood under an elephant’s foot. Exactly the same thing had happened to both of them. They were twins in death.
Honestly? The dude's repeating a whole lot of which hunt rhetoric in this story, but as a general rule even the witch hunters of Europe didn't make claims this wild.
I am quite confident that what all of this amounts to is Mike Warnke's personal twisted power fantasy. In the narrative, he's being lavishly spoiled and set up to become this super important Satanic leader for absolutely no good reason. He's basically this egomaniacal nobody who shows every sign of being a liability in the long-term, but they treat him like he's the shit.
If Mike Warnke had been born a few decades later, he'd have probably been writing fanfiction about seducing Black Widow as Doctor Doom or something.
I've just started reading The Satan Seller (a book that was influential in the Satanic Panic) and like, the whole thing starts out with literal conversations the author supposedly remembers back from when he was eleven.
Also, the author is angry at people for having a good time at the lunch/dinner after his father's funeral:
The same people who were sniveling and crying all during the service were stuffing food in their mouths and having a ball, as if they were happy that now I didn’t have a mother or a father.
This would make sense from the limited perspective of a child, but the author is an adult now and really should know better.
I'm sure the rest of the book won't contain even more obvious bullshit and self-centeredness. :) :) :)