Jul 11, 2025
SPIDER FELL ON ME AT WORK IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF
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SPIDER FELL ON ME AT WORK IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF
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a personal observation of mine is that it was weird (and kind of sad and alienating) to go from being perceived as this harmless/weird but quirky/funny girl to an inherent threat/dangerous/a creep as a guy just cus im autistic (cus its just been me the entire time)
obvs theres something to say about how (irt assumed-cisgender) autistic girls are viewed vs autistic boys. neither perception is really fun, but i do have to say that being a Weird Guy has gotten me in a lot more trouble than being a Weird Girl unfortunately
also addendum i guess that im not super vocal about being autistic IRL so its not people consciously treating me as Other bc of autism. its more of that "oh i never would have treated you that way if id known you had a Valid reason for being so abnormal!" phenomenon
not to be a dramatic little hater or anything but the smaller the spider the worse it is, yknow?
like. tarantula? i know that guy. my brain isnt a huge fan, but i can see what hes doing. thats basically a dog.
TINY spider? im going to fucking kill myself. i cant see what that motherfucker is doing. i dont know what hes capable of. who fucking KNOWS whats going on there? EUGH.
playing vitamin roulette and trying to guess which micronutrient im deficient in thats making me see sparks and spots
i took my car to get a tire replaced and to get the oil changed. and i was there for 2 hours. and they did not change my oil -_-
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trying not 2 fall into deepset self loathing (>got screamed in high school for getting an 89 on a test) bc i Absolutely Bombed the math placement test and i wouldnt be surprised if i had to take both math 94 and 104 heughh
i need to *remembers im suicidal* kill myself
"mik how is it going?" one may ask
well currently the lyrics stuck in my head, to the tune of the chillis baby back ribs song, are "i want to kill myself kill myself kill myself"