Fuck that. It doesn’t even make sense? Your makeup is beautiful and you are super skilled at it (which I am very jealous of) and it highlights your features so well that if anything you would be MORE easy to read. Ugh.

When I called him on that he admitted that basically he was annoyed that I got to have nice things but he didn’t, and we couldn’t pay his union dues a lot of the time and that got him into hot water, but like...he was continually calling out of gigs that could have MADE the union dues happen, behind my back, and also I didn’t buy the vast majority of my makeup myself.

The stuff I have bought has all been heavily discounted, or it was a freebie. Out of my makeup and skincare supplies, which I can’t exactly sell because it’s makeup, but the whole collection is worth a grand probably, I think I purchased maybe $60 - $80 of it over three years or so. That’s five dollars here, ten dollars there, three dollars there, carefully-saved-up change (that he was stealing from me to buy beer) turned into dollar bills so that I could splurge, etc. Keep in mind that I usually bought on clearance so if I spent something like $10 on a product it was most likely a $40 product. I generally didn’t spend more than that at one go unless I’d saved up.

AND I always 1. Made sure the bills were paid first, 2. Tried to interface with the union wrt his dues but they always wanted a MINIMUM of $50 and usually I would have maybe $20 I could spare at any given time? and 3. Tried to get him something nice whenever I bought something nice for myself specifically because I felt guilty. Like, if I wanted a $15 lipstick that I was gonna save for, I saved $30 so he could get a used video game or something. Which, I shouldn’t have had to do that but I’ve had a complex about Nice Things for years, well before I met him, so that’s nothing new.

So anyway tldr I pointed out all of this, and I got what I think is probably the first legitimate apology I have received from him. For making me feel like shit about the makeup, for unnecessarily downsizing our budget behind my back, for even carrying this resentment when he knew damn well I tried to get him nice things too.

I’m still mad and angry and sad and upset and having problems sleeping and eating and trusting and cleaning, and I’ll never forgive him, but I have gotten to the point where I can accept some apologies, and he’s gotten to the point where he realizes that this is entirely because of his unwillingness to be honest and not because of sex. 

Thanks for helping speak out about this — and actually more organs are usable if your heart is still beating, so it’s even the opposite of that. As an ER nurse, I can tell you that we don’t even look at if someone is a donor, if clinical criteria is met we call the state organ donation folks (name differs by state) and they handle all that, usually by talking to your next of kin. So tell your family and friends if being an organ donor is important to you!!

Sorry you’re going through such a tough time. You deserve so much better.

I do, and I'm about to get it, by not having him in my life.

I have never come out to a single coworker EVER for this reason

You look amazing!! That eyeliner is ON POINT!

Thank you! I don’t have very many days where I feel super-hot instead of just body-confident, but yesterday was one of those days. THE EYELINER WAS HALF OF THE REASON; my hands didn’t shake so much while I was putting my makeup on so everything was mostly sharp and clean.

It’s actually two eyeliners -- my front-facing camera kinda sucks. I did tightlining and a very very thin band over my eyelashes with a small wing in Ulta’s waterproof gel eyeliner in black, and then I went over the top of that with my absolute favorite eyeliner, NYX’s Glam Liner Aqua Luxe in Glam 24 Karat. I’m almost out of both -- I use them pretty regularly. The gel eyeliner is perfect for tightlining and is a part of my basic makeup look (I use an angled eyeliner brush sort of like this one), and the NYX liquid one perfectly contrasts the blue in my eyes so I use it whenever I can. 

DOWNSIDE I’m broke so I can’t replace them. UPSIDE they are both cheap so next time I have some pocket money I can get them both for less than $20.

EVERYONE should get these they’re awesome. If you want something a little nicer, Sephora’s waterproof black eyeliner is awesome and right now, it’s currently CHEAPER than Ulta’s! And Make Up For Ever’s Aqua Liner in Diamond Gold is where NYX duped their stuff from. I’ve tried it and it lasts longer, but I feel the NYX stuff is more ....vivid? Pigmented? I’m not sure, but it pops better. 

His philosophies are dangerous and outdated, please do not support or believe that show!

YEA IM SO SORRY I JUST SAW 

There for each other for everything. Something beautiful about that. I’m so sorry.

My sister was like, “So ....dad wanted a buddy?”

Ashley. Ashley. You are insinuating Dad is a murderer beyond the grave.