#midasnomy

you were sure you'd be the one to break down, ease your way back into his arms first, completely drunk. only a fool would do such a thing sober.

but you weren't. it was toji that came knocking at your door at a godforsaken hour. messy hair, sweaty, and unfairly sexy.

i missed you. his excuse; rehearsed. simple yet so easily getting you to spread your legs for him. he muttered praises throughout, how you were the only one he thought about, the only name he moaned when he was with anyone else.

you couldn't deny what his words did to you, how it pulsated heat throughout your core. covering your own panties with slick just from kissing.

this was a horrible thing to do sober.

when morning came, toji was still on your couch. your clothes? gone, probably ripped to shreds in the heat of the moment.

you wished you couldn't remember all the worship he gave you. wish you didn't loathe yourself so much more after this. how could you let him in? you were doing so well ...

this marked your fall from grace. every now and then, you'd indulge him. only because, no matter how much you deny it: you're still crazy in love with him. and it hurts. it hurts because you'll never be sure of how he really feels for you. if all those years of marriage were falsified or not.

no amount of praise ushered during sex could confirm that.

some days he'd disappear a nearly a month before calling you. some days you'd be the one to go to him first. but, this time was different. you weren't going to satisfy him. not before he gave you an answer.

" why i did it? you mean back then? " it was painfully obvious he avoided using the word affair. he wouldn't admit that.

" i don't got a reason. in the heat of the moment ... what happened is what happened . " he sipped his drink. you teared up.

you wish that loving part of you could of just shriveled up and die right there. as much as you hated him for ruining the sane part of you, you truly loved him. or maybe you loved what used to be a loving husband. the toji that would cook for you, leave notes before he went to work, dote and make every insecurity leave with his kisses. too bad he died. and all you were left with was this toji. this insensitive husk of a man.

you didn't need to find an answer anymore. you don't have to stay up crying, wondering where you went wrong. you could feel this burden slipping from your shoulders. you could finally leave this atlas behind and hope megumi could forgive you.

this ended up being different ( and longer ) than i expected, hope you enjoyed !! 😚

you were beyond betrayed, past wondering why you weren't enough for him. or maybe you hadn't reached that point at all.

his argument felt empty as you stared at smeared stains of lipstick across his neck. like he barely cared to cover up, hide his disgusting behaviors from his damn wife.

he tried his way at coaxing you, hands pulling and massaging your hips, telling you to forget the whole thing and come back to your shared bed. sheets stained with the memory of some foreign women. damn her.

damn it all that you had to come home to this, to a positive pregnancy test ... to an ungrateful husband.

again you offered him a choice, of course, he put it off.

this house was silent for days on end, every corner you turned unloaded the distant memories of when your days were much happier. toji would pick you up and blow raspberries into your stomach until you were teary eyed and begging for him to put you down.

toji had them too, he had his own little regrets. he noticed yours too. but he didn't dare lift a finger to ease you. if he was going to drown, he's taking you with him.

for once, the load became too much, your shoulders ached. so you put it all down. you left toji with the excuse that finally your burden would be lighter. you'd stand tall and proud once more.

for a time, you did. your life resumed in a small apartment, busy with job searching and unpacking. you had no time to think toji this or toji that.

but when the dust settled, so did the weights. you were back in this loop of leaving his messages on read. considering a reply, considering his reply. spiraling back into if you could stay in his bed one more time : would that be enough?

it could never change what happened that night, hell, it might make you hate yourself more than anything when morn come. but for now, you'll shoulder this burden. you'll carry this atlas everyday, because you know toji will do the same.