#micro.log

Where my capacity is before I initiate the activity matters. Along with the method of walking

The top walk I just took. It was a steady 30min period that included maybe 10min of standing still in the middle. I was already at my spoon cap before I left. I kept my pace slowed but not as slow as pride.

The bottom two are pride, about 3hrs each. I'd had a lot of rest the weeks leading up to it. It was slowed meandering, stop and go as we found booths to check out. Only occasional 5min of a quicker pace. With a good 15-30min break to sit each day.

Left side is actual spoon count

Right is spoons per hour

Absolutely wild that a 30min walk to the corner store took half as much from me as a day at pride. I wouldn't have guessed that were the case previously.

I suspect if I can make myself take some more meandering stop and go walks, that's a good way to start increasing my capacity and getting more connected to my neighborhood. Without taking too much from me day to day.

So we talked. About the struggles in this relationship, the incredible distance between us, how we got here and where we can go from here, shared anxieties and received reassurance, took accountability and devised new possibility.

I didn't share everything, and made it clear we still had to talk about the breakup/nonbreakup. But almost everything that contributed to it? Out in the open. I've been mostly taken down off the pedestal in his brain, and he's gonna work on the infantilizing. I'm gonna work on my communication, and at least expressing my feelings in the moment even if I can't explain why I feel them.