#mickybe

Oneness

Yes I have been busy and yes in a good way the songs are out and loved and the fan mail tells me my lyrics are doing what I could only wish for and that is to make connections, so we can heal each other. Now on the other side of that it makes it kind of hard to look back again on what has happened. Not in the sense that it hurts but in a sense that it seems another life, so far away while it has only been 4 years ago. Truth is that I have accomplished so much in three amazing years that at this very moment I am living a life as if this is how I have been forever, and I mean that totally in a good way. The joy and love and happiness I experience now feels so natural as if it was always like that. Trust me it is very sweet to taste fruit without fear of finding a worm if you know what I mean and that is exactly how I have been living for the past few years, fearless and guess what, it works! To me that is one of the greatest findings on my journey, let go of fear because it doesn't serve you. Nothing can stop growth, it might slow it down, but you cannot stop it. No matter what a man does the universe will keep doing its thing, the seasons will keep changing, evolution happens on different levels in different realms. You can run from it, put up unnecessary fights or stop falling for the illusion and stop kidding yourself. There's free will for you haa. Use it wisely! Some might find that scary but look at it from another angle, it is so exciting and amazing to know that no matter what comes, you WILL get through, like a flower busting through the concrete. Nothing scary at all but an amazing power is what you are, but I am straying from the topic, my escape. In the weeks previous to my departure from my prison I had visited the place where I would find refuge once to see how it would be, where my children will end up with me etc... That was already risky business because of course that also had to be done in secret. Funny how one can take a bus feeling like a fugitive on your own turf, midst your own people sort of speak...another illusion disappeared...it's not because they look like you, they are on your side! Ow yes, it didn't pass my attention that this was the second  time on a crucial moment in my life that the children of Africa were present. When I was about 15 years of age the marriage of my parents started crumbling in a very ugly way to the point I looked for a safe space where I could be myself far away from all the negativity and I did find that in the form of a house filled with guess what? Refugees from Africa who named me welcome as I am and loved me like their little sister unlike many of my other friends who were in that kind of situation and had to look for refuge on the streets or in a bar. I was lucky and here I was, planning to join them again as part of my plan to begin a new life. Even though I was scared the thought of being there didn't give the fear a chance to talk me out of it as it has done so many times before, but this time was crucial I knew that. 3 months before that I was living like a plant. Eating and drinking because someone told me, rooted on the couch with no tears to shed anymore, asking whoever is listening to make me fall asleep and never wake up again...yes I had gone that far. Was looking for the "right" people to take care for my kids after I was gone. That is how a woman (M) who I knew from past reggae parties started contacting me, got me to speak up about my life and gave me the courage to find a way out. M if you are reading this I will never forget how you reached out your hand to me and I thank you eternally for that! Her shocking reaction to my choice at that time was like a mirror to me. She couldn't believe nor accept a vibrant entity like myself who is always ready to uplift others is now ready to end her energy and that is what woke me out of "the sunken place". I forgot who I was, and she made me see like a mirror in front of me...to be continued...