#michi097

for the first 20 years of my life I felt like this, then I met him and now he lives 5,241 miles away, now I'm asking myself the same thing all over again. /hugs/

yeah, he came to graduation last may. honestly, i felt angry but happy but angry that i was happy he was there. he didnt deserve to be there. but i was still glad he came. i remember speaking with him tho, he changed his name ..and i forgot what he said it was but he converted to islamic or something. he moved a couple months ago and lives somewhere far, well from what my grandma (his mom) had told me.

michi097 replied to your post“i wish i knew what having a dad is like”

I wished I knew too. I sort of envied people when I was younger because they would have both parents.

i remember bits of my childhood when he was there. when i got into school. things changed. disappointment after disappointment occured and its sad, but i expected it, even at age 8. he kind of became like a ghost in my life, really. he was there then he wasnt. and i started to grow up and feel like....is he even a father? he doesnt even deserve that title to be honest, he really doesnt. it just hurts sometimes. and it makes me so fuckin angry that someone could be so heartless and would just give up on their child like that. 

its weird because ive convinced myself all these years that ive been trying to be successful for myself. but ive always felt obligated to try to show him that im better off without him even if i know he probably doesnt care alot. idk.... maybe thats why i'll rather see other people happy and not myself. maybe this is why i get depressed frequently. maybe thats why i have trust issues. maybe thats why ive never had many friends and zero relationships because having friends and a boyfriend means distraction. if being alone and focused will keep my grades up, ill be able to be successful in the future to show him im that i was better off. maybe thats why i spend all my time trying to convince myself that he doesnt mean anything to me because he was never there anyway. but somehow i still care and i hate that. he doesnt care about me...but i still care..even if its like .000000000000001%...

What fic are you reading?

http://aozorawaltz.livejournal.com/2571.html

Tagged by Juleemma

RULE 1: Post the rules || RULE 2: Answer the questions the tagger asked you then make 11 new ones || RULE 3: Tag 11 people and link them to your post || RULE 4: Let them know that you tagged them

MY QUESTIONS

1. Summer or winter? Why?

Summer. We don't have winter here T_T and summer's better than rains and flood. 

2. Last concert you visited.

2ne1's The Party

3. Favorite Video Game? Why?

I haven't played in ages T_T Hmm i think my favorite game is The Sims? I enjoyed it very much. :D

4. Your first fandom?

The Sapphire Blue Sea :3 

5. Favorite Youtuber?

None. 

6. How much time do you spend on the internet?

More than 12 hours? I'm always online. :D

7. A month without a computer and internet connection?

I actually try to go offline for a few days to just take a break and its good. But a month, i dunno...>< 

8. If you could time travel, would you want to go to the past or future?

To the future! 

9. In which country you would like to live?

South Korea. 

10. Your favorite creative activity?

Painting. I haven't painted in a while though

Questions:

1. Where do you wish you were right now?

2. Something you do a lot?

3. When was the last time you cried?

4. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?

5. What should you be doing right now?

6. Plans for the weekend?

7. First thing you'll do if you heard news that your favorite group is filming something in your hometown?

8. Favorite movie?

9. If i give you 1 million dollars what would you do with it?

10. Your best advice on life is? 

11. Random quote you love?

too laaaazy to send each one messages lemme just put your names here okay go :3

Hope you feel better.

Good Luck on your test!!!

jellykaibaby replied to your post: I have my math test is like half an hour hELP

hwaiting! i hope you do well :3

heeh thank you guys, (i totally messed up on the last question omg)