#michaelwaxwing

sex

who is on top? mostly kale unless ophelia is riding him tbh. 


who is on the bottom? ophelia again because yeah.


who has the strangest desires? ...define strange,


any kinks? i literally just pasted everything lari gave me so: hair-pulling, spanking is okay, exhibitionism, somnophilia is okay, strip tease, genital sex, lactation could be okay??? (are you asking me?? bc if so then yes), licking (body homage), body worship, phone sex, setting (u know i’m pretty sure this was meant to be sexting), dirty talk, being bitten, biting, lightcore bondage like cuff restraints and blindfolds. there’s probably more. probably car sex. pain is okay but probably softcore so a 5 on a scale of 1-10
.

who’s dominant in bed? kale, ophelia is borderline full on sub unless we refer back to the first question then that’s the only time she takes control, hey who knows maybe she’ll use the cuffs on him too. 


is head ever in the equation? depends on the mood but there’s definitely head involved.

if so, who is better at performing it? kale takes the cake here, quoting larissa “baby kale is really into giving head” so he definitely has ophelia squirming,white knuckles and everything while she’s gripping the sheets or headboard, whichever.

ever had sex in public? heck yeah they have, especially on that road trip of theirs where they just couldn’t wait until they got back to their motel room and ended up in like a bathroom stall of a gas station or something where the town drunk was sleeping outside against the wall and the only other person was the clerk who could probably hear them but because he was new to the job he didn’t know what to do about it so he minded his own business and was beet red by the time kale and ophelia came back out and because they felt a little bad by the situation they bought a whole bunch of snacks and waved him goodbye ad the dude stuttered out a “have a nice day”. plus they probably hooked up in the woods (inspired by the film asthma) and backroads.  

who moans the most? 
lmao don’t both people when having sex moan a lot? i mean unless it’s muffled or trying to keep their voices down but i guess ophelia yeah.

who leaves the most marks? ophelia is definitely a fan of leaving scratches down his back, it causes her to smile almost smirk at the sight, especially when he’s putting on his shirt and his back is to her and she gets to see her handiwork, honestly it probably makes her want to drag him back to bed for a morning round. when it comes to hickies they probably leave them in places only they can see or where it’s easily covered up.

who screams the loudest? 
ophelia probably especially when kale is doing that thing with his mouth or whatever.

who is the more experienced of the two? they both have their fair share of experience and then a bit probs.


do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? …both, they fuck more than they make love I think. well it kinda just depends though, is it casual or not. 

rough or soft? i think they’re in between or both, or all three, soft, in between, and rough. it’s probably soft when it’s lazy morning sex or they’re tired but they still want to get it on or just because they want to appreciate each other and get to know the freckles and curves and dips of their bodies. rough though, that’s when the softcore bondage and pain scale come in probs, are they the type to have angry sex? probably.


how long do they usually last? a long time, depends on what they’re doing, if it’s a quickie then they try to hurry up the process but even those quickies become long but honestly they could go all night or have numerous rounds in one night, or day and night, it just depends.


is protection used? yes, always, it’s mandatory there will be no careless surprises between them neither of them need or want that right now. however, people forget sometimes and she might skip out on the pill for a day or they’d forget a condom when they’re high/intoxicated and you can sure as hell bet they got a morning after pill the moment they woke up.


does it ever get boring? naaaaah fam, they got their fair share of kinks plus they keep it interesting i mean these two have screwed in different states, remember that one note i sent you? the only they leave in a motel room that says ‘we fucked six times last night, you might want to wash the sheets, thanks (:” like that happened, that’s a thing and it included a lipstick stain kiss from ophelia on the corner of the paper.

where is the strangest place they’d have sex? listen, listen, ophelia has this thing about people remembering her or making something worth remembering and the opportunity shows up when they go to a UFO landing crash site thing. cause after watching random episodes of The X-Files on the old-as-them TV in their room they took out their map to see if there were any near them and they found one, only when they got there it really wasn’t anything special besides a big hole of dirt and faded sign near it with the picture of a UFO and a green alien. hence ophelia got the brilliant idea to ride him there, originally it was getting on her knees for him but team effort was the way to go !!

family

do your muses plan on having children/or have children? okay so this went multiple ways lmao, at first it’s was down the line but then a surprise pregnancy (which is a nicer way of saying accident) and then we (me and larissa bc this kid ordeal is weird) settled on adoption. edit: after finishing the rest of these family questions i’m going to go with a surprise pregnancy tBH. if so, how many children do your muses want/have? one. they only want one but somewhere down that line after the baby is no longer a baby/toddler then they might consider adopting another kid until they become the cool new brangelina of their age, there go the dreams of being the cool uncle and vodka aunt. who is the favorite parent? they both are because they’re the coolest parents ever, they always tell them the most super-awesome bed time stories like okay i’m going to get into this especially starting with only one kid because i’m currently talking to lAriSSa as i’m writing this but years before their kid has to go to school they’d be living on the road like the From Eden aesthetic (minus getting arrested) and the stories they tell him are from authors like lewis carroll and f. scott fitzgerald, some ginsberg, kerouac, you name it that kid is gonna be hella clever and learn things a normal small kid wouldn’t because he’s out there already experiencing things !! shit man, kale and ophelia got this. who is the authoritative parent? define authoritative, kale and ophelia are the type to let their kid experience things for himself and if he screws up the he learned besides i don’t think their kid is, i guess, unruly in the beginning so they don’t really worry about tantrums or anything but if he got some sort of attitude when he starts school then it’d be more of “watch your tone, kid” but nothing too harsh, i don’t think they’d ever ground him tbh unless he did something really, really bad. who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? their kid likes to learn !! he’s already v clever and is probably a little advance knowing kale and ophelia they probably taught him to read like he’s not advanced but he understands certain sentences already so this kid doesn’t wanna miss unless he’s sick and they have to keep him at home. who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? okay listen, listen this kid belongs to the two people who eat takeout food almost religiously and his mother has the biggest sweet tooth, i’m sure they both indulge him a bit with either of these things but there’s deffo some healthy food in there because he can’t live off that stuff but either one of them gives him and extra sweet after dinner here and there. who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? both when they can, could be a school play like The Wizard of Oz or a World War 2 kids version of what happened then or some fable that their kid signed up for and they’ll be there, second row at the front, recording it and giving him a thumbs up, or shit a talent show because he comes from musical parents or i dunno, i think their kid would want to try all the things he can handle. who goes to parent teacher interviews? both of them and they’re always very pleased or amused with the stories the teacher tells them like telling them about how ‘show and tell’ went and how he shared with the class some of his adventures on the road and had the class hold their breath or talk about how well he’s doing in the english part of class and is actually quite good at math (courtesy of ophelia, she’s a genius when it comes to numbers) oR sometimes the teacher would be concerned because "the students did a report on who one of their heros is and your son put down his uncle, ah wesley wilson? he brought up his katanas? and how and i quote could probably take over the world if he wanted to probably? tell me, is he...real?” and that earns a right giggle out of them and the teacher is even more concerned now before they reassure her that he’s a real person and their son just has a vivid imagination about certain things but yes, wesley wilson could probably take over the world. who changes the diapers? both of them, liSten they shAre everything and that includes diaper duty !! one or the other isn’t gonna suffer alone, they probably sucked at this before they became pros and had a system. who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? okay they switched on this, in the beginning they both got up to keep each other company with the new addition in their life and help each other out because they’re in this together but then it was more of “no, you sleep i got it, alright?” all soft and while ophelia fed the baby she’d probably sing to him and if it was kale he’d be carrying him around the room, mumbling little stories under his breath or sing to him too. who spends the most time with the children? BOTH they lived on the road for the longest time, just the three of them, state to state, town to town, payphone to payphone. that kid grew up in so many parts of the country and they’ve got a whole bunch of pictures of their time out there, they’re a knit-close family when they’re together like that. who packs their lunch boxes? they alternate, sometimes it’s kale and sometimes ophelia or both, one makes the sandwich and the other cuts up some strawberries to put in a small container for him to eat at snack time. who gives their children ‘the talk’? both sit down with him because it’s an important talk and he has to learn about what’s okay and what isn’t and all the basics and stuff, it isn’t an unpleasant talk just another learning experience yanno and it isn’t incredibly embarrassing, they’re an open family when it comes to stuff like this.  who cleans up after the kids? the kid cleans up after himself sometimes but again, they switch around, sometimes they’ll do it for him but they taught him to help too because they’re his things and he has a lot of things thanks to a certain mr. wesley wilson but when a kid cleans he thinks he’s done a fair enough job and it looks spotless even if it isn’t but he tried at least so whoever is there cleans up or yeah both. who worries the most? ..,,,..boTH thought i don’t think they’re worriers much unless their kid was going through his first heartbreak and that’s always the worst and locks himself up in his room and looks like death but they know he’ll be okay but it’s still a bit concerning because “is he...is he playing a frank sinatra song?”  who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? wesley wilson. is this even a question, sure kale and ophelia swear around him but they’ve done a pretty good job to keep it to a minimum and usually not when he’s in the stage of learning and knowing words even if they slip up sometimes but the kid knows it isn’t very nice but when he visits his favorite uncle in the whole wide world he comes back to them and says “what does rattling-donkey-dick-cock-fucker mean?” thank u @ michelle for this colorful swear .

affection

who likes to cuddle? they both do, who doesn’t like a cuddle? who is the little spoon? ophelia is the little spoon 100%, we talked about this before, little spoon front-to-front, she’s tucked right against kale’s chest and under his chin,legs intertwined probably it’s quite cute.   who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? o...phelia,,teasing him in the worst of places, sucks a popsicle/lollipop very provocative right in front of him bUT also kale though, probably whispers dirty things into her ear when she’s about to go up on stage before a show or when he has to leave somewhere leaving ophelia to fend for herself bc wtf you can’t saY things like that and just leavE. who struggles to keep their hands to themselves? ophelia, she’s a touchy person and especially when she’s with someone and it could be just reaching up to fix kale’s hair, or touch his arm, or fiddle with his hands like (i sent larissa video of this) she’d just grab his hand and set it down on her thigh in it’s “rightful” place. and because sometimes she’ll get lowkey jealous she’d just grab his arm and put it around her shoulders, very highschool-lovebirds type of thing lmao, leather jacket replaces the letterman jacket. plus she’d that one tumblr post ‘ *points at lap* is this seat taken? ‘ @ kale and then just plops herself down. how long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? for a while before arms start going numb or a cramp in their leg if they’re cuddling on the couch or something, probably fell asleep after a rerun special of criminal minds and woke up at three in the morning to stiff muscles and pains and practically stumbled  to bed in the dark.who gives the most kisses? listen...kale has already randomly kissed her cheek before and her hands, i feel like it would be him to just randomly do that, soft lingering pecks to her forehead, cheek, hands, exposed shoulder, lips. so i’m jotting him down for this. what is their favourite non-sexual activity? watching criminal minds and eating takeout food !! they gush about morgan and garcia !! i remember this from another meme !! they also like to read next to each other or together, kale reads to ophelia before she goes to sleep sometimes because it helps him relax seeing her already at peace and dozed off. where is their favourite place to cuddle? there’s only so many cuddling questions i can answer but larissa said cuddling is cute so i guess - oh! i just came up with something, front seats or in the back of kale’s car at one of the few near by outdoor movie theater, they just cuddle it up back there and eat popcorn and drink some cherry cola while watching a rerun of Back to the Future or Heathers, it’s not the favorite but it’s one of them. who is more likely to playfully grope the other? ophelia, she’d fine it very funny, she’d grope his “boob” and ask if she can sign them all cheekily, she probably does, with her favorite shade of lipstick and in cursive writing with a heart above the ‘i’ in her name. how often do they get time to themselves? um i’d say a fair amount, they’re not overly clingy, they have their friends and do stuff without the other and it’s cool and sometimes ophelia has to go on tour and kale does whatever it is he does so yeah they do have time for themselves and it’s often.

sleeping

who snores? kale, it’d be a miracle if he didn’t. if both do, who snores the loudest? kale takes the gold medal but it’s not obnoxiously loud anyway, probably only when he’s sick, does he even get sick much? do they share a bed or sleep separately? they share a bed unless they’re not together for some reason but yeah they share, it’s become a thing. if they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? they cozy up ! again, back to the little spoon questions, they’re both tucked into each other unless it’s hot in their room and the ac is all fucked up then it’s apart but not too far and the sheets are tangled up in their legs because it’s definitely too hot for that. who talks in their sleep? kale, i remember larissa saying something about this but i forgot what it was about, probably incoherent mumbling that ophelia can’t make out when she wakes up to it. what do they wear to bed? ophelia wears her panties and at first it was one of her tops but then it was one of kale’s that is pretty much now hers because it’s long and it reaches down to her thighs, it’s soft too. kale in his boxers probs, i would say at some point when it starts getting cold they’d get actual pajamas but they’re from the west coast, south west coast they aren’t getting them anytime soon.are either of your muses insomniacs? nah, they both like their sleep, kale had a little trouble getting accustomed to sleeping near someone else so he always waited for ophelia to fall asleep first before he could but eventually a sort of mutual trust grew between them and now they both pass out like it doesn’t really matter anymore. can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? no, i don’t think so, at all. they don’t need those. do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? wrap their limbs around each other !! or at least end up with ophelia’s head on his chest and his arm around her waist, or in a spooning position or her tucked under his chin tbh it’s like that one gif from the movie Like Crazy right here. who wakes up with bed hair? ophelia, even when she puts it up in a bun it still ends up kinda crazy in the morning and kale’s hair sometime stands up on one side and honestly both,but ophelia more than kale. who wakes up first? kale, i feel like he has an internalized clock and ophelia likes sleeping in until she needs to get up for a shower. who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? kale does it sometimes, as quoted from a previous meme “he spoils her with unhealthy food choices” like french toast and the works. but ophelia does it too if she manages to wake up before him anyway, she likes surprising him when she can. what is their favourite sleeping position? !!! i answered this !!! front-to-front, ophelia tucked against his chest and under his chin, it’s just sort of how they go to sleep together now after she dozes off when kale reads to her and takes mental note of where they left off and presses a kiss to her forehead and says “to be continued” listen i have a good memory i remember this from roadtrip headcanons. who hogs the sheets? ophelia but only when she’s cold because she gets cold easily and doesn’t mean to do it on purpose but maybe she does, who knows.  do they set an alarm each night? naaah, not unless they have something they absolutely have to do and can’t risk trusting their internal clock but they don’t really have much to do unless they’re working. can a television be found in their bedroom? yes but they hardly use it, they usually read when they’re in bed together if they’re not fucking. but they watch movies all night sometimes, going from different genres and talking about it while the credits roll or get up to change it to the next one. they’ll go from action to a rom com to horror to a foreign film to drama, sometimes they wont even finish watching a movie because it just isn’t their style or it’s dry and move on to the next. who has nightmares? kale, i can’t find the messages right now because this was a while ago that we talked about this, could’ve been when my phone crashed but i think it was mentioned that he has nightmares. who has ridiculous dreams? ophelia, it’ll include things such as jfk and an acid trip and she’ll tell kale about them the previous morning or try before she forgets and it’s usually the weirdest bits that they don’t even make sense to her.who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? who makes the bed? if they’re on the road then they leave it to the people who work there because they’re probably not coming back to that room that night but if it’s like their own place then one or the other, probably ophelia though. what time is bed time? they don’t have a bed time, they pass out when they pass out unless they actually need to get rest then maybe midnight or one in the morning but other than that they don’t have one. any routines/rituals before bed? apart from the usual stripping down to their pjs and brushing their teeth? they either talk until they fall asleep and can barely mumble a “goodnight” or read, or cozy up and listen to music because they’re tired but not too tired that they’re gonna pass out right away.who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? you know i don’t think they get grumpy grumpy but ophelia whines a little when she has to get up.

work

who is the busiest? they both have their fair amount of work to do, ophelia only gets busy when she starts recording again and spends more time in the studio. who rakes in the highest income? both? doesn’t kale have funds or something? anywaYs about the same if that’s the case if not maybe ophelia. are any of your muses unemployed? nope!who takes the most sick days? neither, tbh i don’t think they get sick often unless it’s a rare cold but even then that doesn’t really stop them from avoiding work. who is more likely to turn up late to work? kale because ophelia convinced him to stay for a quickie in the morning and how could he say no? who sucks up to their boss? neither of them? ophelia doesn’t suck up to them because she usually gets to do whatever she wants with her music because that’s what they like about it. what are their jobs? ophelia is a singer (aka lana del rey) and kale is a radio host..? (larissa where are u when i need u idk if he still iS) who stresses the most? man i’m gonna go with ophelia, she freaks the hell out before a show even if she owns it when she’s on stage, she stresses over her music because ‘what if this isn’t good enough’ and stays up late into the night on her laptop working with sounds or skyping with the rest of her band about it until she falls asleep on the couch or something and wakes up to a blanket over her and a cup of coffee courtesy of kale. do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? yes whY would they do something they don’t like, ofc they enjoy their jobs. are your muses financially stable? yes, i mean these two hit the road when they want you can’t do frequently or even get far if you’re not, this is a fact.

home

okay you know what, i’m gonna bring in their non-existent kid into this one because that’s literally the only way i can answer these if they’re in a stable home and the only thing that would keep them in one is the kiddo. sO:

who does the washing? ophelia, she separates everything by whites and colors and delicates but kale helps her fold the clothes because that’s something she dislikes a lot and she refuses to do it alone and mini-them takes all his socks and undies and puts them in his drawer because that’s how he helps out. who takes out the trash? whoever is there and they see the trash can full they just take it right now and mini-them follows along especially when the garbage truck is outside, he likes chatting with them and asking how their day is and “thank you for saving the en-viro-men ..envi-ormence..en” “it’s pronounced environment, little man” “yeah that!”who does the ironing? dry cleaners exist for this reason! they don’t really have clothes that require it anyway and if they do they’ll just take it to the shop because neither of them is going to struggle with an ironing board. who does the cooking? kale, ophelia helps him sometimes but kale is the cok if they aren’t calling their usual takeout place or one of the many from the menus they have on their fridge and the kid loves to help especially after he saw Ratatouille he even wanted to adopt a rat because of it and kale and ophelia thought maybe a dog would be more ideal for him. who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? ophelia and mini-them, they’ll be trying something new and maybe overdid the time they put in the oven or they didn’t put the right time on the timer that they’ll be sitting in the living room watching a documentary about animals in south america before they smell something burning and “oh shit, open the back door lets get rid of the smell before your daddy comes home” and they call kale to stop for some chinese on the way home tbh. who is messier? they can all get pretty messy, especially if they decide to build a fort in the living room and move the couches around and bring in chairs from the kitchen and all the blankets and pillows plus snacks and read Alice in Wonderland but not the Disney version also Peter Pan but once again not the Disney version, they read this kid the original stuff, gotta start em young. who leaves the toilet roll empty?who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? mini-them when he gets into the bath, they leave it outside the tub so the floor wont get so wet and all the water lands on his clothes before they dump it in the hamper. who forgets to flush the toilet? nobody forgets to flush that’s grosS. who is the prankster around the house? mini-them likes to pretend he’s the biggest prankster especially after a long conversation with his uncle wesley that was filled with giggles and sneaky smiles, he probably gets a set of pranking toys in the mail the next day via an amazon drone or something. who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? they never lose their keys, they lose everything else but that because they always leave them in their rightful place by the door ready to grab and head out. who mows the lawn? i still don’t know if they would live in an actual house or an apartment but either way if they would pay the kid who does it for the neighborhood to do it, he’s probably saving up for the next x-box or whatever.  who answers the telephone? mini-them loves to answer the phone always thinking it’s for him because he misses the payphones from his time on the road with his parents and anyways it’s usually family who calls them so he chats them up first before handing it over to ophelia or kale depends on who the phone call is for. who does the vacuuming? who does the groceries? kale and mini-them do it, they go down to the farmer’s market and check out all the cool stuff and make sure they get everything on their handy-dandy-list from cherries to apples to homemade jam and some veggies and then they go to albertson’s or target to the frozen goodies like ice cream and pops and pizza rolls. it’s a fun dad-son day filled with listening to ‘smells like teen spirit’ in the car and stopping for a McDonald’s happy meal before going back home. who takes the longest to shower? ophelia.who spends the most time in the bathroom? mini-them, especially if he’s taking a bath, he’d have a whole arrangment of toys lined up and bubbles that almost cover him completely and he would only come out until he’s looking like a prune, not even when the water gets cold because he’s playing ‘save the mermaid from the big evil yellow duck’ or whatever game he came up with this time.

miscellaneous

is money a problem? no, if they’re currently living in the hamptons then money is definitely no issue. how many cars do they own? two, kale’s car and ophelia’s car, side by side in the garage or driveway.