(Tag as Lavy) (part 1/2)hi I really need advice. My best friend and I have been united in our similar struggles with mental illness and I feel that I deeply love her, but that maybe our relationship as friends is unhealthy. She's very dependent on me and clingy and if I don't reply to a text she freaks out. For a while I've felt like I really just don't want to see her or talk to her. Almost like being her friend is going to send me into relapse like our friendship is bad for our mental health.
(Part 2/2 ~Lavy) I canāt just stop talking to her because I see her so much sheās unavoidable but even more than that I donāt think sheād be okay without me. It sounds bad but she genuinely needs help and her parents donāt believe in therapy so I am all she has. Without me Iām afraid of what would happen to her. But I canāt help but feel that Iām not happy in our friendship. That this relationship is too one sided for me to benefit from it. ~ Lavy
Hello Lavy,
I first want to commend you for staying patient and loyal to her despite the difficulty, itās so hard to part of relationships when we know they are not good for us but you seem to have been dealing with this quite selflessly, that takes so much strengthā¦ good job lovely <3
Being united by similar struggles in mental health can create such close bonds, but at times, as youāve said they can sort of turn detrimental to those involved. I thinks itās important that you begin putting your needs first, letting yourself suffer in order to help her will not be worth it in the end for either of you. I can understand the loyalty you feel towards her and not wanting to cause her more harmā¦. but I believe there are ways in which you could perhaps distance yourself without cutting off all contact and then there is of course the other option, to completely separate from herā¦. Iāve listed some things below that maybe you could try!
Change of tone- tell her you love her, and care for her tremendously and you will always have her back, but in the moment you need to focus on your own recovery because life is wearing you down . Perhaps suggest that your friendship be based solely on positivity so that you are both able to deal with your issues privately because right now it is too triggering. Let her know that you are unable to help her and yourself right now so it would be best if mental health stay out of your discussion, but that youād still be willing to hang out and go see movies and have fun days together.
Take a break- Again, express your love and care but suggest that the two of you each take time to deal with things separately because of how much the friendship is wearing on you at the moment. Tell her if she really needs someone that you will still be able to help her but you just need some time to recover on your own (if you want to).
End the friendship- Again, love and care are so important to expressā¦ but just tell her that the friendship is wearing on you and that you wish her nothing but the best in her mental health journey but right now youāre being brought farther down and you just need time for yourself to heal.
All in all, your health needs to come first, you deserve to have a friend who will support you just as much as you are willing to support them. Take care of yourself darling, I wish you all the best in this journey, and donāt forget if you ever need anything else we are just an ask away <3
Stay safe and stay strong, the battle is worth fighting!
-Taylor
