Here are few snippets of matchless witty remarks and anecdotes by 3 of my favourite personalities acclaimed for their humor, wit and zest for life. I had had collected them painstakingly all this years but now, I share them with you all. Enjoy.
I shall start with the man much renowned for his statesmanship, oratory and rudeness but very few can match his wit. Here are some of Sir Winston Churchillâs witty quotes,
âHe has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admireâ
âHe (Mr Attlee) is a modest little person with much to be modest aboutâ
âI may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning Iâll be sober and you will still be uglyâ
âYou can always count on the Americans to do the right thing- After theyâve tried everything elseâ
âI am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equalsâ
âI am prepared to meet my maker. Whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matterâ
âI am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taughtâ
Next in my list would be Samuel Langhorne Clemens, the literary giant of America, author of classics like The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Adventures of huckleberry Finn. He is better known by his pen name, Mark Twain. Here are some of his classics,
âI didnât attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of itâ
âWhy do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address on it?â
âI never let schooling affect my educationâ
âCauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with college educationâ
âMy books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.â
âCivilization is the multiplication of unnecessary necessitiesâ
âIt is better to keep your mouth close and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubtâ
Finally, He is Wit personified. My personal favourite. The man outrageously blessed with oodles of intelligence, beauty, street smartness, humour and razor sharp wit. I am talking about none other than the author of âThe Picture of Dorian Grayâ Oscar Wilde. Here are some of his gems,
âA manâs face is his autobiography. A womanâs face is her work of fiction.â
âI have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.â
âExperience is simply the name we give to our mistakesâ
âAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so muchâ
âI think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his abilityâ
âGive me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessitiesâ
âThe English country gentleman galloping after a fox - The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.â
âBut what is the difference between literature and journalism? Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all.â
âAmerica is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.â
âAs yet, Bernard Shaw hasnât become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him.â
âWe are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.â
Let me end with an anecdote or two.
A pompous speaker who had a great opinion of himself gave a long after-dinner speech. He then made the mistake of turning to his neighbor on the top table, who happened to be Oscar Wilde, and asked, âHow would you have delivered that speech?â âUnder an assumed nameâ, pat came the reply from Oscar Wilde.
George Bernard Shaw once sent Winston Churchill two tickets for the opening night of a new play with a note which read:
âFor you and a friend - if you have one.â
Churchill replied promptly:
âI canât make the first night but Iâll be there for the second - if there is one.â