My Girlfriend, The Super Villain: The Day After, Part 7
My girlfriend is a super villain.
She also might be the only hope I have against an unknown enemy who apparently has made me their target.
After dinner, I thought I’d introduce Clara to Station to Build, one of my favorite introductory style board games. Katie had said that she wanted me and her minions to get to know each other better, and Station’s a fun, easy to teach game. I quickly realized I wasn’t going to have to teach Clara much of anything as she started setting up the pieces and dealing cards as soon as I set the board down. Katie confessed that she’d taught her minions the game not too soon after I bought it so she’d always have someone to play against, and their practice showed. By the time the game was over, I had barely managed 80 points, while the two of them were on their second lap of the hundred point scoring track.
I did find it interesting that Clara never seemed to hold back, trying to block Katie in and keep her from expanding her network as much as she did mind. Katie did ultimately win, but she really had to work hard against her minion. When we were alone in my room later(Clara seemed thrilled to have the couch in the living room to sleep on), I mentioned to Katie how surprised I was that her minion was being so combative with her, even if it was just a game. Katie laughed a little before she answered me.
“I get where you’re coming from, Puppy, but you misunderstand. While loyalty is important, blind servitude only gets you so far. Sometimes you need somebody who’s going to push against you to make you better and see things in a different way. Sometimes it causes trouble, and may even seem like outright defiance, but ultimately the rewards are worth it.”
“Let me give you an example.” Katie sat down on my bed as she told her story. “Let’s say, hypothetically, there was a really valuable diamond you wanted to steal. And let’s say, hypothetically, that you’d gotten the security blueprints. And let’s just say, hypothetically, that the place was a vulnerable fortress. It’s got magical protections, camera coverage on the outside that covers like a blanket, and a police station less than two minutes away. All the guard has to do is press a button in the security room if he sees anything suspicious, and the entire place goes on lockdown. And let’s say, hypothetically, that you decided that as tempting as the prize is, the amount you’d have to invest and the risk was too great to be worth it.”
“All hypothetically speaking, right?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, and you can’t prove otherwise.” Katie flashed me a quick smile before she continued. “Now, assume one of your minions knows how bad you want that prize, and keeps pushing you to find a way. You’ve written it off for good, though; there’s just no way its going to happen. She keeps pushing you to try, though, and eventually you’ve had enough. You tell her off, and she runs off almost in tears.”
“Now, imagine about a week later, you notice some money missing from one of your private accounts. Not much, only about 100 thousand dollars(only?!). You know only a couple of people have access to those accounts, including the minion you just got into a fight with. Her and a couple of your other minions have disappeared, and despite your best efforts, you can’t find them anywhere. You’re really ticked off now, so when they suddenly show up the next morning, you’re ready to flay them alive.”
“And did you?... hypothetically, of course.” I asked.
“I was about to, until they presented the diamond that I had written off as unobtainable to me. It would’ve been big news that such a valuable gem had been stolen, so the fact that there hadn’t been a report anywhere about it was amazing. When they explained how they’d managed to pull it off, it seemed so stupidly simple in hindsight, but I’d never thought to try something like that before.”
“They realized I was right about not being able to get in without being seen; the alarm was going to be tripped and the police called, no matter what they did. So instead of trying to beat the police, they decided to become the police. The money they took was used to get police uniforms, a police radio and a car, then altering the car to look exactly like a standard police vehicle.”
“That night, one of the girls intentionally tripped the alarm and runs. Lockdown occurs, security guy calls the cops. Except the girls had also gotten telephone company equipment and a vehicle earlier in the day to install a call intercepting device on the telephone line that ran down directly from the building. Instead of going to the police station, it went to my girls. They played it like they were really the police, and promised to send a vehicle over to investigate.”
“I think I can see where this is going.” I said as I imagined the scene in my head. “The security guy sees a cop car like he’s expecting, sees a couple of police officers come out, thinks nothing’s wrong and lets them in.”
Katie nodded. “There was still security inside, but they were all turned off when the, ‘police’, came. The girls go in, pretend to do a little investigation, then conclude that the thief must’ve been after the diamond and say they need to seize it as evidence. When he balks, they threaten to haul him in for interfering with a police investigation. He’s not paid enough to get arrested, so he relents. The girls hand him a police report, tell him they’ll be in touch, and waltz out of the building with the diamond in their hands. Eventually the authorities caught on to what happened, but the girls had too much of a head start and covered their tracks well enough to make finding them impossible.”
“I’d been so focused on avoiding security and law enforcement entirely, that I abandoned my plans when conflict with them seemed inevitable. My girls defied my rules, did their own thing, and gave me a prize worth millions and a new trick to add to my bag. So while I don’t actively encourage rebellion or anything, I don’t mind a little conflict. And since that minion who did her own thing is currently on your couch and serving as your personal body guard, I’ve come to trust her quite a lot.”
So, my girlfriend is a super villain. She’s entrusted me with her most valuable minion and possibly the closest thing she has to a sister or a best girlfriend to watch my back. I wasn’t sure who was after me or what they wanted, but I had the person who I trusted the most in the world sending the person SHE most trusted to care for me. Maybe I didn’t have the cops or a super hero to help me, but now I was sharing a bed and probably a future with one of the greatest thieves of our time. I treasure her, and she treasures me.
And that, I thought as we slipped into bed and embraced each other, is all the security I really need tonight.
