#mezamura

- Did you hear him, Noor? "Hope you continue your science career, even though you are now married" and yadda yadda. He is such a hypocrite!

The families had come together to celebrate Mezamura's wedding, and Teteriu had just finished his speech for the bride.

- I'm sure he meant well, Eira. He wants what best for his sister doesn't he? And Aurelio seems like a decent man.

- Yeah, it's nothing wrong with Aurelio, he is fine. But Teteriu just say things he doesn't live by. Pretending to be something he isn't. If he really meant what he is saying, why didn't he let me continue my studies? And this big party... giving them your old house... he is just showing off.

- The party is great though, and we all needed something to celebrate after this terrible summer.

- Oh sweet Astanna, yes! First uncle Itaja, then Telamon, and Nashuja wanting to leave Manthos for good. It sure hasn't been joyful.

- Well uncle's death wasn't that unexpected, he was getting older, and I'm just grateful Nashuja was still here when he passed. But Telamon...?! Did you learn exactly what happened?

- Not really. They just told me he was found dead outside the shelter where he lived. From what I've heard he had stopped drinking, but maybe he had a relapse? Or maybe he was robbed? Or struck by lightning? I don't know. I'm still in a bit of a shock, because deep down I did hope to see him again.

- So how is aunt Simadhne coping? Is she feeling better now?

- Well you know. Since we moved in after uncle's death she's been kind of busy with helping with the children and cooking for us all. But when Nashuja is leaving... I fear she will fall apart. We will all miss him so much. And knowing we will never see him again... It is unbearable!

- And Pamesijos? Will he go with him?

- Not if I can prevent it, Noor whispered. How can I loose them both?

- Really makes you think about the sacrifice they made, doesn't it?

- What do you mean? The war?

- I mean our parents Noor, when they let us both go. We were so young! About Khará's age actually! Can you imagine how it must have been for them?

- Well it was different. They wanted to keep us safe.

- Yes, exactly! Not so different from this situation, when you think about it.

- I've never thought about it that way, but you are right.

- But I'm not sure if I ever could have let Khará go, under any circumstances, so I totally understand your reluctance to let Pamesijos go with Nashuja.

- You will have to let her go some day anyway...

- What?

- I mean, she will move out, get married, have her own household. All of our children will. It is terrible, but true!

- Noor! Do you have to talk about such excruciating future visions? Can't we just enjoy this party and have some fun?

- ♫♫ Ναι, να ζήσουν, ευτυχισμένοι για πάντα! ♫♫

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The first weeks were very hard on Eira. She was always surrounded by family and friends, but it was hard to come to terms with the fact that she was now alone, and the head of the family.

- You will manage, Noor comforted her. You are stronger than you think.

- I'm just wondering if he knew, Noor. Because Mezamura tells me he has left valuable stones with her husband in case something happened to him.

- No, he did that a long time ago, Mezamura clarified, I believe it was just after I got married, actually.

- No matter what, he wanted you and the children to be safe. Noor reminded her. It was very foresight of him. At least you won't have economical problems now. That helps, doesn't it?

- I guess.

Months passed and Eira was still burdened with guilt and grief. Noor was always trying to support her sister, but Eira seemed inconsolable.

She refused to go to the Agorá or any other public place, and when asked why, she said she was to ashamed. She was like in a self-imposed imprisonment in her own house.

- You have to explain to me sister, because I never understood why you felt responsible for his death. You were not even close when he died, so why?

- The thing is that for years I hated him. I did! I blamed him for my own unhappiness, my lack of fulfillment in life. There were moments I actually wished he was dead. I wanted him dead, and then he died.

- So you think you killed him by thought? Eira, you know that can't be. Let me ask you this; if I told you I killed Telamon, would you agree?

- Of course not!

- Honestly, I had those thoughts as well some times, when he made my life a living hell. It's human. It doesn't mean I killed him. And you didn't kill Teteriu either.

- But it's not the same! You loved him! And he loved you too!

- Yes! And I know you loved Teteriu, so stop pretending that you didn't. You hated that he controlled your life in a way you didn't like, but you still loved him. And he loved you too! Just look how he provided for you. Even when he is not here!

- That's true. He always wanted to protect me, and provide for me. In the wrong way, but his intentions were good. I guess he did love me in his own way.

- Of course he did! Eira, you need to forgive him for his wrongs and remember the good things in his life. And you need to forgive yourself. Let's go to the temple tomorrow, please. I will bring a chicken and a keg of spirits for offering. We will pray, and we will feel better, right?

- Okay. Oh Noor, I'm so stupid. I miss him so much, I really do.

- Of course you do. And you always will. But life will become easier with time, I promise you.

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- Are you okay Nashuja? Noor decided to confront whatever needed to be confronted.

- Eh.. Yes. Auntie Noor, can I talk with you in private?

- Of course! Let us go inside.

- Are you my mother? Nashuja went straight to the point. And if so, why was this hidden from me?

- I am. It was not exactly hidden, but you bonded so well with Simadhne, and then I got married. It was better this way. And Simadhne and Itaja took care of you in a better way than I could have.

- Was King Ifiklis my father? Why didn't anybody tell me about this?

Noor gasped and became visibly nervous.

- It was the King himself that told me. Before he died we had long talks. He was very kind. And generous. Kappa was his horse, you know. And he also gave me valuable stones, and his sword, that's a great honor.

Noor swollowed and her eyes became dark. She still didn't say anything.

- He told me that you were very beautiful. And that he didn't like your husband. He must have loved you very much.

- Nashuja, I can't explain these things to you, Noor was clearly upset, but I can tell you one thing, he did not love me.

- I think you are wrong! He spoke very warmly about you. He was very kind, a real man of honor.

- You don't know...

- He really was, I haven't anything bad to say about him!

- I'm sorry, Nashuja, I don't feel well. I think I will be sick...

- Do you want me to get my moth... Simadhne?

- No, no. I will be fine. I just have to rest for a moment.

Nashuja went back to the party and told his brother Pamesijos that he now had talked with their mother.

- She confirmed what the King said, Nashuja whispered, so it's all clear now. We are officially half-brothers!

- Great! Just don't start behaving like a royalty around me. I know you too well ha-ha!

Simadhne had good hearing, however, and felt cold inside from what she now heard.

- Where is Noor, Nashuja?

- She had to lay down, but she told me she would be fine. Maybe it was something she ate?

- Probably. I will check on her, just in case.

- Sweetheart. I just realized you have told Nashuja about his origin? How did he take it?

- I didn't tell him. He was told by the King, who he now think is a "real man of honor", as he said.

- Oh Goddess! Noor you will have to tell him the truth!

- NO! Absolutely not! Can you imagine what the truth will do to him? I don't want him to know! I forbid you Simadhne! Don't tell him! Promise me!

- Okay, I promise. I don't agree, that I must admit, but in the end it is only you who can tell him. It's your decision.

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As all parents know, bringing up children is hard, but also filled with happy moments. And Eira cherished those moments just as much as any other mother would.

She just couldn't help longing for moments of intellectual challenge - researching, studying, debating, learning, understanding.

- I'm not normal, she thought to herself, wanting to read instead of being with my children. I must be the worst mother there is. If it wasn't for those hours they are at Simadhne I would truly have gone mad.

Every now and then she tried to discuss philosophical questions with Teteriu or Mezamura. They were politely indulgent of her lack of understanding of the latest dilemmas. She felt stupid and outdated, so as time went by she more or less stopped getting involved.

Lately she had also been experiencing physical symptoms for no obvious reason. Headaches, stomach ache, tiredness. She managed to do basic housework and look after the toddlers, but she had no energy for most other things. The family was worried.

Noor found her sister crying by the well one day, when she came for a surprise visit.

- Please tell me what is wrong, Noor begged her sister. What is it that you are not telling me? What's going on with you?

- It's nothing. It's just... I'm just... I can't explain it! I'm tired, I guess.

- Sister, you know you can tell me anything! Is it Teteriu? Is he mean to you?

- No! No, I'm just tired, that's all. Don't worry about me, I will be better soon. What about you, is everything okay? How is little Tychon?

- I know what you are trying to do! You are trying to distract me from whatever problem you have, you always do that! I'll leave it at that for now, but don't think you fool me. And the truth is I have serious problems myself, that's why I'm here.

- What kind of problems sister? What can I do?

- Eira I... It's the same problem I always have, isn't it? It's so embarrassing! After Telamon started drinking again we have no money, and almost no food. Just the roots and berries the children bring home, and the eggs I get from Simadhne.

- Oh Noor I'm so sorry! Take whatever you need from our pantry, you don't even have to ask, you know that!

- That's not all...

- What is it dear?

- Eira it's... We are actually in danger of becoming homeless. Uncle Itaja told me that Telamon pawned the house in a card game and lost. Telamon refuses to talk about it, he only says it under control. But there is no way he will be able to pay since we have no money or valuables, and nothing to sell. Eira, I'm terrified...

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- Mama has to go to the outhouse, kardia mou gliko. Now you have to wait outside, and quietly play with your toy blocks, okay?

- Mmm! Eteokardiás nodded.

- You are such a good boy, I wont be long, okay?

She had barely sat down when Eteokardiás came in.

- Didn't I tell you to wait outside, Noor tried to sound strict.

- But Mama! I missed you!

- You missed me? Noor couldn't help smiling. Already? Now go to play with your toys, and then we will eat an orange when I finish, if you are a good boy and wait outside. Your are such a big boy so I'm sure you are able to wait for a little while!

- Haha, he didn't say that! Eira laughed when Noor told her about the episode a few days later.

- He did! This is what life with four kids is all about. Better have an orange ready if you want to go to the outhouse!

Eira howled with laughter, but it was a timely reminder to talk with her sister about the babysitting exchange idea she had.

- At least we could have some time for ourselves every now and then. I mean, whether I have to look after three or six children it would be more or less the same to me, if it was just for half a day or so.

- Maybe aunt Simadhne would be willing to help us as well, Noor suggested, if the older kids promise to help her?

- That would be a dream come true, Eira agreed, let's ask her tomorrow.

The whole family was gathered for the monthly family dinner, to enjoy Simadhne's famous food and for the children to play together.

Eira and Noor layed out the idea to Simadhne.

- You mean ALL the kids together? Even the babies?

- Well, maybe not the newborns, Eira said, but the others?

- But if it's too much to ask, we totally understand, Noor hurried to say, they can be a handful, I know that better than anybody else.

- I love the idea, I'm not worried at all, Simadhne smiled. I'm sure I will handle it. Nashuja would love to have his cousins around more often, you know that. I'm sure he will help me with the toddlers, we will be fine.

- It will be such a big help, Noor and Eira said in unison.

- I'm looking forward to it, just give me a few days to prepare.

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- Eira, what are you not telling me? I haven't seen you for ages, and then suddenly you come by without any obvious reason, what is going on? I am your sister, you know you can tell me everything.

- I'm fine Noor. I mean, I just needed to see you, and I'm a bit fed up. I really don't have any problems, not like you have. No offence, but everybody knows you're struggling to make ends meet, and that Telamon is not, ... well you know what I mean.

Noor looked down, but didn't say anything

- Teteriu is providing well for us, we are not rich, but we have everything we need, and more so. I really have no reason to complain.

- But?

Eira's eyes filled with tears.

- Sister, tell me what is wrong!

- I just… I'm so incredibly bored! I know I'm ungrateful, because … I know it's not right. I love my daughters, I really do, but I'm going crazy just doing housework and taking care of them.

- And when I see Teteriu and Mezamura working with those papyrus scrolls, she continued, and I can't help feeling jealous. And I'm so ashamed for that! I don't know what to do!

- I don't know what to say sister, Noor said.

- No, what can anyone say, Eira sighed. I don't understand how you do it! With four children, and doing laundry for others and picking lemons for extra income, and with a husband like yours... Where do you find your strength Noor?

- Strength? I don't know about that. I'm exhausted most of the time. Thank Astanna Pamesijos is helping out in the house. That boy is more useful than his father to be honest. And soon your Khará will help you as well. It will be easier, you'll see.

- I doubt it. Because there seems to be a new baby growing in my belly. It's just never ending.

- But aren't you happy for that, sister? A new child is something to look forward to and to be happy about, isn't it?

- I am! I love my girls! And your children too, Eira said and smiled to Eteokardiás, they are all very dear too me, don't get me wrong. I just wish... sometimes... that my life had room for other things as well.

- What other things? What is it that you want Eira?

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