#metatronian

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I get really emotional when mark makes people think of me

god bless you

they are the worst

I need you guys to know: this is a little over 8 minutes - some of that is me reading, part of that is my stupid laughter. Uhm. I'm generally rambly and kind of mumbly at times and trying not to be too terribly loud cos Dustin is asleep and mostly I'm just really embarrassing and busy embarrassing myself SO.

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you know i actually relate almost 100 percent and it makes me sick because i can’t be there to be with all of you and you and i should just go backpacking and spend our days becoming wise vagabonds and randomly attending cons okay ilu so much ok

4. Last time I cried and why

It was last night, actually! It wasn’t a heaving sob or anything, but just a cry. I was talking to Crystal about a friend of mine I’m kind of worried about, and that’s probably where the tears started - my feelings of helplessness and inability to do something to help, to SAY something to help, generally not knowing how to be there as a friend for them - but it spiraled wildly out of control and next thing I knew, we were talking about how, much as I love the way the internet connects people, it terrifies me how something could happen to any of the people I care about online and I might never find out.

Like. All my closest friends are people who live all over the world. I don’t have any friends who live near me. Most of them are people I’ve known online. And should something happen to them…? I know there’s some who I could find out about, but it’s alarming how people can just… drop out of our lives and we could never find out. And even if you did - can you imagine logging onto Facebook/tumblr/IM and reading a message that so-and-so has died? So-and-so you never got to meet face to face, you never got to have coffee with, you never knew the sound of their voice. And I just cried, because god that’s horrifying and leaves the worst ache in my heart.

18. Phobia

Heights. Christ I lose it. I mean, like if it's something like an airplane, where I'm closed in and feel secure, I'm fine. I can look down and I feel fine. Then there's things liiiike a ferris wheel, where there's a SENSE of security but also a sense of JESUS CHRIST TAKE THE FUCKING WHEEL I CAN'T DO THIS but I can do that. I just. You know. Freak out if the carriage starts to rock too hard. But then there's things like standing at the edge of a building that scares the fucking piss out of me. If I feel like I can fall, I just... nope.

The (formerly known as) Sears tower, at the very top, has these plexiglass extensions to the building, yeah? You can walk out in them and it's just this clear see-through all around you and GOSH I just. I can get in there but I'm also a mess because WOW IT LOOKS LIKE THERE IS NOTHING BENEATH MY FEET I SEE /CLOUDS/ BENEATH MY FEET NOPE.

FJDLKFJALKJ <3333 I laughed out loud over the bit about secretly stalking my blog because YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT SECRETLY YOU KNOW THAT :33

6: Age you get mistaken for

Hmmmmm. You know, I don't know? I went to a casino with my parents once and was distraught I didn't get carded cos DO I REALLY LOOK MY AGE?! But then again, I'm pretty sure I can barely pass for 18 anymore so. :/ I guess probably my age. :| ;~;

9: Got any Piercings?

Just two holes in each ear. :3 The second set, though, my mother did and I will never ever ever again pierce anything the same way cos holy crap. (However my sister has pierced herself all over herself so. You know. To each their horrifying own!)

14: Biggest turn offs

Oh god, I hope it goes without saying that personality is the first thing that's going to turn me off to someone. That is, someone who is a general inconsiderate asshole. If you tell offensive jokes of any kind, if you're racist or sexist or ableist, if you take lightly things I take seriously, I won't be able to take you seriously. Er. Bad hygiene would be a physical turn-off?

19: A fact about your personality

I know I call myself anti-social and standoffish, but it's much more that I'm scared and uncertain and awkward (not in a cute manner but just in an I make myself and situations in my head uncomfortable) and I complain when I should do something. I'm a lot lonelier than I let myself believe and I'm much more of a snob than I wish I was and I'm working on changing that and being less of an uptight person and someone who is easier to get along with.

26: My biggest pet peeves

I really hate when people call girls chicks. I hate when someone feels the need to take down another person/group in order to make theirs look better/sound better. I hate when people think not listening to mainstream music makes them better - and this isn't just a hipster thing but a thing thing where people are like OMG I CAN'T LISTEN TO THE RADIOOOO GOD THAT POP IS SO CHEAP THERE'S NOTHING GREAT ABOUT IT. I don't like anglophiles - especially the ones who think they're better than everyone BECAUSE they're so gungho on England or something (and are not very educated about the matter, either). I also hate snoring and being interrupted and not being taken seriously and the conversations offline where people talk and talk and don't let you get in a word edgewise and assume your opinions (usually wrongly!!!) before you're ever given a chance to state them yourself.

32: What words upset me the most

Chick. Badass. Weak. Erm. A lot of gendered insults that I feel too uncomfortable writing here but I'm sure you can guess what they are. I can't really think of any right now but I know later I'll be able to!

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

Sorry to disappoint but... I... idk??? I don't really think of people as sexy, and I definitely define it differently from attractive. Errrrrr. idk. :( er. Maybe the kpop artist Bi Rain? He's the most sexy person I can think of? ROFL I'm so bad at this D: