#metas.

like that's the point when it comes to dynamics with my characters like, even with each other. intimacy pushed back like what's normal or comfortable (which is like, to me, what horror and tragedy and eroticism are all like expressions of if tht makes sense?). like my characters exist in a constant state of vulnerability and intensity that is erotic whether they mean 2 or not. they all exist in this space of like, overwhelming closeness. they're monsters. so they devour and they haunt and they're creepy and they linger and they're too much and too intimate and everything they say or do or act is meant to feel too like. irreversible. 2 be desired by something that could unmake you and is so separate and different than you, you know what i mean. and 2 desire them back.

and none of them know how to like. be close or care for someone lightly. care is consuming and attention is irreversible and overwhelming and devotion is always so heavy. and bc of that like, even platonic dynamics (even with each other... looks at mikey and solveig) end up feeling like erotic too (and this gang is what im nervous abt leaning into i dont wanna freak out the platonic dynamics LMAOO) and sometimes have the same motifs like. look at solveig, who has the "cannibalism and consumption as love and desire" motif and that's presented sexually with solveig all the time whenever it's present. and then there's winnie, who's cannibalism is usually a motif of like "cannibalism as using and discarding something (abusers btw) that is useless otherwise" but then she also ate sol's twin's hand as an act of love and protection for solveig, which is platonic, but it's still cannibalism as devotion and love presented with the same intensity and reads as erotic even though there's no sexual feelings between winnie or solveig like... do you get what i'm saying.

but even with others, platonically, the way they stand too close or stare or remembering something about the other carries such a deep weight. so no matter what kind of relationship or connection (romantic or platonic or something else) it's gonna inherent a level of intensity and eroticism that should be out of place and prob feels out of place if the other person isn't like. the level of eldritch creature feature my characters are. but it feels right and natural to my own characters n they don't doubt it or question it or whatever at all.

my biggest divergence from canon is the fact that it was not chris in louisiana regarding the baker family situation. while he kept a close eye on what was going on and spoke to ethan over the radio, chris was never actually there. at least, not where anyone outside his squad could see him.

yes, a man introduced himself to ethan as if he was chris, but that was simply because chris had instructed him to do so. after all, it was the safer choice, and realistically, chris knew that ethan had never met him before, so it would make no difference how he looked. at the end of it all, the name was the selling point and all that ethan would need to know to begin with.

now, once ethan was safe, chris eventually made his way to the baker family home and the bayou nearby. he wanted to investigate for himself and see what samples he could find and take back for members of his team to analyze. around the time he is doing this, chris also meets joe baker and his niece zoe, which is part of his agreement with ethan to help keep her alive.

chris offers to keep in touch with joe, especially if he sees anything unusual, but he refuses. meanwhile, zoe takes the offer for herself. as a result, chris has a contact in the louisiana area in case any out-of-the-ordinary activity starts up again.

i have mentioned before that loki has a ptsd diagnosis and has ocd, but is undiagnosed for that. now, i want to talk briefly about what the basic run-down of overlapping symptoms can look like for him.

intrusive thoughts:

with his ptsd these thoughts are related to the specific trauma of his ptsd. for loki, these present as either intrusive memories about the trauma or intrusive thoughts about himself because of the trauma.

with his ocd, these thoughts can range and usually aren't focused on one particular theme. oftentimes, for loki, it focuses more on his work and constantly checking and re-checking things to prevent real or perceived harm.

avoidance:

for his ptsd, loki avoids specific areas of work. for example, if there is ever a case that comes up dealing with missing children, he will have someone else do it for him. he cannot do it himself, and if he gets pulled into it, it will eventually trigger emotional and mental distress in various forms.

for his ocd, it acts in a similar way, but since he's undiagnosed with this one, he often falls into the patterns of obsessive thinking. those patterns lead to obsessions becoming overwhelming, and he does not avoid them in this circumstance, but if he were diagnosed, he would know better and do better for himself.

emotional disregulation:

both his ptsd and ocd make him struggle, more than he normally does, with managing his emotions. as a result, he can often have mood swings that appear to come from nowhere and may be very intense for short periods. unfortunately, for his work, these emotions can often cause him to lean more heavily into his anger and frustration, which makes him react more in violence than he should.

for his personal life, it really is not much different. he will have intense emotions that can come from nowhere and make his personal relationships suffer unless someone is willing to be patient and listen to what is being said outside of words alone.