👏 Merely Existing

If I stopped giving you an explanation for my actions...I probably don’t give a fuck about you anymore.

Sometimes, like now, I wonder what I’m doing. Not what I’m doing right this moment, but what I’m actually DOING here. I mean, I’m nothing special. I’m just a messed up person in an even more messed up world, trying to go through each day saving as many people as possible from my inevitable explosion. There’s no great reason for me to keep going, ya know? There’s nobody that thinks about how great I am, how I’m a good person? Bc I’m not great. I’m not a good person, not in the way everyone seems to think. I’m just here. A waste of space, basically. And the more I think about it, the clearer it is. I’m probably terribly biased, but that doesn’t make what I’m saying any less true: I just have a different insight of it. From where I am, the world would be just fine if I wasn’t in it. Im not some important person that people can’t live without; I’m not some person’s true love that they can’t imagine not being here; I’m just HERE. And sometimes I don’t want to be. Sometimes I believe it would be so much better if I wasn’t. I want to do things and love people and be loved by people, but I also don’t want to always be thinking about how things could be different if I ceased to exist.

Lol I'm never going to be happy am I?