#meredith002

She stumbles in late, trips over something, and makes way too much fucking noise for barging in on a roommate who hates her. In that moment, even before Meredith’s said anything, Alanna desperately wishes she’d paid more attention to the signup sheet for roommates, instead of letting Coach Corey throw her in with someone random. Alanna had just assumed, frankly, that McKenna would want to share again, that her bright blonde roommate would’ve taken care of it for her. Instead, she’s coming home to Meredith Cotes tonight.  

It’s not enough to destroy Alanna’s good mood for the day, even if she has avoided this room until the last possible moment. The damage is certainly already done for waking her roommate up, and she needs to get through her bedtime routine (even blowjob shots and cheap beers and whatever Glory provided won’t keep her from her skincare, her insecurities and overcompensation bleeding through even with all this liquor in her system) so Alanna reluctantly turns on her bedside lamp, pointedly not looking over at Meredith yet. 

Still, Alanna’s just drunk enough to to think it’s a good idea to say something, rather than shutting up and getting ready in silence. She slips off her shoes first, and then goes for her jacket, flushed from alcohol and the glow of a successful birthday already. She should change in pajamas, but Alanna stops at her shorts and a teeshirt, as uncomfortable as sleeping her her daytime outfit may be. 

Sharing rooms brings back  too many memories of high school though, of avoiding the locker rooms, her fear of slumber parties, all too aware of the plethora of reasons why she might be unwelcome there—for being a lesbian, trans, poor, strange, whatever her crime, Alanna knew people had plenty of reasons to want her gone. Meredith brings back high school memories too, in an entirely different way. Alanna knows Meredith’s grudge against her is completely personal, and she can’t decide if that’s better or worse. 

“Sorry,” she says, first and foremost. “I’m sorry if I woke you.” It’s rushed, as are the next few rapid-fire questions that come from her. “Did you have a good game night though? I didn’t see you at the after-party. Did I miss you?” More likely, the other girl went out of her way to avoid her. 

Alanna should respect that, and shut up. Meredith leaves her unbalanced though—they might’ve sworn not to speak about their shared history, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone. Meredith feels like a ticking time bomb somehow, even if she’s a new arrival to the team too. It’s only natural that the Vixens are going to love her so much more than Alanna, and if Meredith somehow forces them to choose sides, Alanna knows she’ll be out in the cold again. She can’t bear the thought, and that leaves her with one obvious course of action: win Meredith over. Alanna’s people pleasing exists at any level, but there’s a special kind of desperation here, with Meredith. If nineteen is going to be Alanna’s year though (and it is), then she’s got to fake some confidence until it works. 

[To: Meryl Streep] you left me on read for 3 fucking hours???

[To: Meryl Streep] i could have fucking died??