#mephistosfaust

Liliane blinked. Her eyebrows rose and her eyes widened. She was too afraid to respond.

Her look of surprise made the corner of his lip twitch up, though only for a second. “Yes, I know. It is not often that I am at fault. Rare, even. But, like any good general, I must face the fact when I have faltered. I am, after all, the one who invited him here today, despite your warnings.”

She stared at him. For him to make this kind of admission, and to her no less, was nothing short of a miracle. “Sir, it’s…I mean…I’m the one who punched him first. I’m the one who went up to him and provoked him more, even when I knew his nature. I knew he’s a wicked snake who twists words and thoughts just to get a rise out of others. If you wish to blame me, I would understand.”

A seldom seen gentle smile came to his face. There was no hostility or cunning plan hidden behind it. He reached over to hold her chin softly. “Sweet child. You do not need to take the blame for this one. I have already admitted to it. I brought him here. I kept you with us. And I am the one who dealt the final blow. I am perfectly capable of shouldering this blame. Or do you think me too old and frail for that?” he asked, his voice darkening towards the end.

“No. No, of course not. Never.” 

“Good. Then do not try to blame yourself further for it.” He let go of her chin as she nodded. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his grey hair. “So, as I said, today was a disaster. But, it is not the end of the world. Or, worlds, I suppose I should say.” He propped his head onto his hand, his elbow set into the arm of the couch. “The question before us is, what next? I presume you took care of the body and its things like I told you to?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Hmm. Good. But that won’t hold him down forever. If he’s anything like me in more than looks, and I hate to make that comparison, then he will be up and about within the hour now. And will likely want revenge.”

He looked at the girl from the side of his eyes and saw her worried look. He raised his head and turned it to look at her more fully. “I suppose this does put a damper on our plans.”

She frowned. “Our plans?”

“Yes. Your plans to keep going to that world, and my plans to have you report back on it.” As her eyes grew larger, he continued. “I planned on having you report to me everything you did or learned about in that world. I want to know exactly what we’re dealing with from now on. But, that might have to change. The little weasel is bound to tell his brutish Doberman all about the events of today. Quite frankly, I will be surprised if you are welcome back.” 

Liliane looked crestfallen. She looked down at her hands fidgeting in her lap. It was one thing to have that fear by itself, but to have her father voice it out loud too? It was starting to manifest into reality. She covered her face with both hands and started to breathe heavily. 

“Liliane. Look at me.”

She lowered her hands and turned her face towards him. She was still hyperventilating. He blinked once, looking at her cooly. She tried to hold her breath to slow down her breathing. She clenched her fists tightly. “I–I’m sorry, sir, I…” She kept panting, finding it hard to keep eye contact with him.

Prussia kept staring. After a minute, he stood up and walked over to his liquor cabinet. He fixed a glass of whiskey and returned. After he sat down, he held it out to her. “Drink,” he ordered.

She stared, then nodded, then took the glass. She focused on getting her breathing under control. Finally, she downed the whole glass and put it aside on the table by her. 

He raised an eyebrow. “That’s not cheap, child,” he said, although there was no edge to his voice. He simply stated it, like one would state a scientific fact. 

“I understand. I’m sorry.”

“Hmm. Well, at least you’re not panicking anymore, right?” 

She hesitated, then nodded. 

“Good. Now, I think we’ve discovered the truth you’ve been hiding. You really are in love with that Germany.” 

She looked at him in fear. 

He shook his head. “I’m not going to reprimand you. I am simply stating the facts. How long have you been in love? Or, how long have you been denying those feelings to yourself and everyone around you?” 

She swallowed, wishing she hadn’t finished the whiskey so quickly. “I’m not sure how long I’ve loved him,” she said, her voice as tense as her body, “because I’ve been trying to suppress it for so long. I keep trying to tell myself it’s platonic, or maybe familial at most. But, I…I…” She shook her head. “I think I want him more than that. But it will never happen. I know he doesn’t see me that way. He looks at me and sees a cousin, or a sister, and never someone to be intimate with.”

Prussia’s lip twitched. “I wouldn’t give up hope there then. Considering his fraternal tastes in lovers, perhaps being seen as a sister will get you there.” When she didn’t respond, he sighed. “You should consider this a blessing, my dear. What hurts now will save you a great deal more pain in the future. After all, even if he did love you back, he would still betray you.” When she looked back at him, he shrugged. He picked up his glass to sip from it again, then kept talking. “You know it to be true. From the sounds of it, he only has eyes for his brother in the end. And, it’s in his nature to betray those closest to him. Think about his history, child. Think about everything he’s done. He serves only himself. Do you think he killed me to save you? Hardly. He did it for his own ego. To try to ‘own’ me, and by extension, you. He would kill you the moment it served him to.” 

She looked at the palms of her hands. He could see the gears turning in her head, the doubts beginning to grow and wrap themselves around her feelings, like a python around a mouse. “It’s just, lately, he’s been so kind. He’s listened to me, and taken care of me.”

When she wasn’t looking, he rolled his eyes. “My dear, look at me.” When she did, he said, “It’s a lie. I’m not saying he’s purposefully deceiving you right now. He may not even know he’s doing it. But in the end, he will betray you. Everyone does. Everyone has. Except me. I’m the only one who has never betrayed you. From the day I took you in, I have cared for you as my daughter. I have raised you, given you a home, an education. I watch over you, even to this day. Whether you’ve fallen or risen to great heights, I have always been here for you.” He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “Trust in me. You know it to be true.”

She glanced at his hand and then looked back into his eyes. She lowered her hands into her lap calmly. “May I ask a question, sir?”

He nodded. 

“When…when that bastard asked you if you would sacrifice me to save yourself, and you said no, did you mean it? Was that the truth?”

He tilted his head to the side. He stared right into her eyes, and she held his gaze. A thought stirred in his mind. Is there anything so undoing… He closed his eyes for a few seconds and then looked at her again. 

“You have the ability to detect lies. Did you detect a lie in what I said?”

“No.”

“So, why do you ask?”

“I guess I just…wanted to be sure. I wanted to hear you say it to me, not to him.” 

He took a deep breath in through his nose, held it, and then let it go slowly out of his mouth. She wouldn’t stop looking at him, wouldn’t stop pleading with him. He half considered telling her to drop the topic entirely. It wasn’t as though this sort of situation would really happen. But, no, it was crucial that she know the truth. 

“I meant what I said, Liliane. I would not sacrifice you to save myself. You,” he stopped to clear his throat, “are my loyal daughter. And I will honor that, always.”

Her nose twitched. He knew she was sniffing the air for a lie. When she didn’t find one, she began to smile. And then, she did something that caught him completely off guard. She leaned in, wrapped an arm across his chest, and pressed her face into his shoulder. She was hugging him.

He blinked several times and swallowed. He looked down at her. His chest felt tight and he was hyperaware of every inch of her that was touching him. He had to steady his hand to stroke the back of her hair. After he had done that for a minute, he cleared his throat and gently pried her off by her shoulders. He could see wetness in her eyes, but she was still smiling. 

“Pardon me, sir,” she said, “I couldn’t help it. I’m just…so, so happy that you’re my father. I’m honored to have a man like you to call…call my…my dad.”

That word. That little, informal word. It made his chest feel tight again. Dad. It was so much more familiar than “father.” He had to cough and look away. When he turned back, she was still staring at him, smiling, though looking a little confused and concerned too. 

“Dad?” 

She’d said it again. Was she trying to stab him to death with this word? He shifted in his seat. “I’m fine,” he lied, and he knew she’d smelled it. Before she could ask, he spoke again. He forced himself to sound authoritative and calm like he normally did. “If you’re going to hug me, you ought to ask first.” 

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and waved it off. “And save it for out of the public’s eye, understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

He frowned in thought. He grumbled with himself. Then, the old Prussian said, “I suppose you may call me, ‘Dad,’ if you really wish though.” He sighed loudly and looked at her sharply. “But never call me ‘Daddy.’ Understand?”

“Yes…Dad,” she said with a huge grin on her face. “May I hug you again?”

He huffed and looked weary. It was moments like this that brought out his age more. He then opened his arms, his palms up. “Very well. But only–” He stopped short when there was a soft impact on his chest. He looked down at his daughter as she embraced him once again and pressed her cheek against his shoulder. He looked uncomfortable again, but he settled for resting one arm on her, his fingers playing with the ends of her hair absentmindedly. With his free hand, he picked up his glass. He swirled the last bit of brandy around and held it up to his mouth. He breathed in its scent through his nose. Finally, he finished it off. 

Lily grinned at the thought and squeezed her hand. “I like the sound of that, Prinzessin,” she said as she pulled her onto the dance floor. As soon as they reached it, they held each other close and moved along to the music. After at least half an hour of intense, sweaty movement, they decided to break for the bar.

After they had their beers in hand, the two women leaned against the bar. Caro eyed her companion up and down. “You know, you don’t dance too poorly for an eighty year old.”

Lily smirked and sipped from her beer. “And you don’t look half bad for a, what? Seven hundred year old?”

Caro shrugged with a smirk of her own. “Give or take a few, sure.” She also took a sip of the beer. “Wow, you guys didn’t hold back on this did you? You actually got some good stuff.”

“Well, it’s like you said. We don’t turn eighty every year. Just wait another twenty, and we’ll see what we do for one hundred. I’m thinking at least a fireworks show to rival New Year’s.”

“Ha. Careful now. You’ll tempt Bavaria into strangling you with a line of sausages if they hear the budget needed for that.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

They both laughed and clinked their bottles together before drinking from them. 

Caro looked over Lily as she brought her beer down and raised a brow. “Looks like someone’s coming to see us.”

Lily turned curiously. Her eyes widened. Her father was coming straight for them. He didn’t look angry at least, but he was clearly on a mission. She swiftly turned back to Carolina. “Caro, if you don’t want to meet him…I totally understand if you want to ditch and run,” she said in a hushed voice.

Carolina frowned. “Nonsense. I’m here for a good time, and he’s not going to ruin that. Besides, not like he’ll do anything with all these people around. And I want to meet this other Prussia of yours. See what he’s all about.”

Lily sighed, but knew there was no point in arguing it. They were both stubborn creatures. 

The back of her neck tingled as she felt her father staring at her the closer he came. But she didn’t turn around until he spoke her name.

“Liliane.”

She looked back at him, forcing a smile. “Hello, sir. I’m so glad you’re here. Are you enjoying yourself?”

He raised an eyebrow and turned away from her. He ordered a whiskey from the bartender. Once he had it in hand, he finally spoke again. “I find the music wanting, but the food and drinks have been sufficient.” He sipped from his glass, his eyes never leaving hers. “But, I wouldn’t miss this. It’s not every day you have a daughter turning eighty.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, her smile becoming more natural now. 

He nodded in Carolina’s direction. “Well? Are you going to introduce me to your girlfriend here? I saw you kissing earlier,” he added, in answer to the questioning look in her eyes.

“Yes, of course. This is Carolina. Carolina, this is Herr Beilschmidt, my father.” 

He held out his hand and they shook. His eyes narrowed as he studied her. She tilted her head up and to the side as he stared at her. 

“Is something the matter?” she asked.

“You’re not human, are you?” he said. “You’re one of us.”

She grinned. “How observant of you. Yes, I’m Berlin. The Berlin from the other world, that is. The one whose Germany did a number on you, from what I’m told.”

Lily took a gulp from her beer and looked away.

Herr Beilschmidt’s eyes narrowed more. “Indeed.” He then turned to his daughter. “Come with me, child.” 

Lily looked apologetically at Caro, but then nodded to her father. Setting the half empty bottle on the bar counter, she followed him. He led her out of the hotel ballroom, out through the lobby, and out of the doors into the warm July night. He stopped when they reached his car. 

“I’ve had my fill of party music and sycophantic politicians. And your brother seems to be on the verge of making an ass of himself to spite me.” 

“He is?”

“I saw him practically slobbering on three different people in the span of a minute. And his tie is undone.” 

“Ah. I see.” 

“So, I’m going home. But I wished to speak to you first.”

“Yes, sir?”

“First of all, do you know what you’re doing with that other Berlin? After all the trouble that other Germany caused, are you really so quickly getting yourself involved with another one of theirs?”

Liliane bit her lip. “It’s not like that. I mean, Caro and I have known each other for a while. We’ve been kind of seeing each other for a while too. But we’re not exactly exclusive…”

He frowned. “So, you still have sex with other people? Is that what you’re saying?”

“...Yes. We both do.” She fidgeted, folded her arms, and looked down. 

“Look at me when I speak to you, child.”

She looked up. 

“I think you’re being stupid in that case,” he said. “Who knows what diseases they may carry over there that we haven’t faced before. And you, quite frankly, are rather sensitive when it comes to matters of the heart. What happens when she decides to become exclusive with someone who isn’t you?”

“I…I don’t know, sir. I suppose I’ll have to face it and move on.”

He huffed. “Well, don’t come crying to me when she breaks your heart, like that buffoon of a Germany she’s under.”

Liliane looked down at the ground. “Yes, sir,” she mumbled. 

He studied her for a moment, then sighed. He reached out to hold her chin and lifted it up to look at him. “I only tell you this because you are my daughter. I want to see you make good and proper choices. You’re eighty now. You ought to take on more responsibility.”

“Yes, sir.”

His hand moved up to cup her cheek. His thumb brushed the scar on it that he had given her so long ago. After a quiet pause, he spoke again, this time in a soft, gentle tone. “You’ve grown a lot, since I gave you this. Yet you still have so much more growing to do. So much learning. You’re impulsive, and far too quick to give away your heart to those who will use it for their own gain, and crush you in the process. I hope that you will not have to learn the hard way, my dear.”

She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand without thinking about it. “Thank you, sir. For teaching me and helping me this far.” 

He smiled. “What else are fathers for?” He then took his hand off of her and reached inside his suit jacket. He pulled out a black velvet box. “Here,” he said, holding it out to her. “Your present.”

She looked down at the box with some surprise. She took it and looked at him again.

“Go on. Open it.”

She did. Inside was a necklace and earrings set. In the light of the street lamp, she could see diamonds and emeralds shining in the gold they were set in. Her eyes widened in amazement. “Really? For me?” she asked, looking at him. 

“Do you see any other daughters of mine I would give this to?”

Her face brightened as a smile spread across it. “Thank you, sir. This is beautiful.” For a split second, she wanted to hug him, but she knew how much he disliked that. “I will always treasure this.”

“Good. It’s good to know you appreciate quality. Now then, I think I shall go home. As I said, I’ve had enough partying for one evening. Come visit me in two days. I have a task for you. But until then, enjoy yourself.”

“I will, sir. Thank you, sir.” 

He nodded. Then, he got into his car and drove off. She watched him go until she couldn’t see the taillights anymore. After that, she went back inside to rejoin the party, holding her new treasure close to her chest. Once inside, she went directly to her table and hid the box inside her purse. Then, she looked around the room. 

Alex was drunkenly laughing with some of his artist friends in one corner. The Germany from her world was chatting with a circle of politicians and other nations. And when she scanned the room for a tall, tattooed woman in a red dress, she spotted her out on the dance floor, jiving with her hands on the hips of a man whose face was turned away from her. 

Lily felt a lump rising in her throat and she turned to walk away. Except when she did, she ran face first into a firm pillar that wasn’t there before. She squeaked and looked up. To her embarrassment, she realized she had just collided with Russia. She looked up at him with pink rising into her cheeks. He, like always, smiled down at her.

“You should be more careful, little bird,” he said softly. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were right there,” she said.

“It’s quite alright. I was hoping I would get to see you before the party was over. And here you are.”

“Here I am,” she said, smiling now. While others often trembled or glared in his presence, she often found it so easy to smile and relax around him. He had always been a safe space for her, ever since she was a child. Even now, with times changing and becoming more turbulent again, she still felt safe with him, though she didn’t get to see him as much anymore. 

He seemed to be thinking the same thing, for he said, “I’ve missed having our little get-togethers, you know. Our little tea parties. You don’t visit near as often as you used to.”

“I know. We’ve both been…busy,” she said, trying to find the most diplomatic word for it. “But I’ve missed you too.”

His smile grew. “Perhaps we should arrange for something then. I’ll be in Berlin for a few more days. How does tomorrow sound?”

“That sounds perfect. I would love to have you over for tea. Is two in the afternoon good for you?”

“Of course.” 

“Good. Cause it might take me till one to wake up from tonight’s party.” 

He chuckled at her joke. “Yes, it might take me until then too. I know you bought good vodka for it.” 

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He nodded. Then, he put his large hand on her shoulder. His smile shrank, though it did not disappear. “I saw you leave with your father for a bit. Is everything fine?”

“What? Oh, yes, everything’s fine. He just didn’t want to stay. You know how he’s particular about music and all. He just wanted to give me my gift before he left.” 

Russia nodded. “Oh, very well then. As long as you’re okay…” He let the threat hang in the air. Lily was suddenly acutely aware of the scar on her stomach from where her father had stabbed her not so long ago. Surely, Russia didn’t know about that, right? She hoped. 

“Ah!” He suddenly clapped his hands, startling her out of her thoughts. “That reminds me. I have a gift for you too.” He reached into the deep pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a wrapped box. He held it out to her with a look of pride. “Go on, open it.” 

She eagerly ripped off the paper and ribbon, discarding them on the table next to them. When she opened the box, she found a leather knife sheath with the Berlin bear design on it. It held a large hand crafted knife with a bone handle that had a roaring bear carved into it. She touched it gently with her finger tips, feeling the smooth bone. Then, she gripped the knife by the handle and pulled it out of the leather, testing the feel and balance of it. 

“Oh, it’s perfect,” she said in admiration. “Did you carve the bone yourself?”

“Of course,” he said, his chest swelling with pride. “I hope you find it to be very useful, on all your adventures.” 

She sheathed the knife and looked up at him. “Oh I will. I absolutely will.” She set it down nicely on the table and then opened her arms wide. He laughed and scooped her up in his, lifting her off the floor with a tight hug. She pressed her face into his shoulder and closed her eyes, wishing they could stay like this for a while longer.

He seemed to sense her desire, for he did not put her down just yet. “Little bear,” he mumbled, “I can’t believe it’s been eighty years. And look how far you’ve grown. I remember when you were a baby, a mere cub. And now look at you. A fierce she-bear.” He gave her an extra tight squeeze, tight enough to make it hard to breathe. Then with a chuckle, he set her down gently before ruffling her hair. 

“I wouldn’t be half as fierce if it weren’t for you,” she said as she fixed her hair into place. “You taught me so much. You helped me stay alive and beat the odds.” 

He put a hand on her shoulder. “Oh, don’t discount yourself, little one. I couldn’t have saved you if you gave up. You had to keep fighting to keep yourself alive. And that’s what made you so strong. I’m proud of you.” 

She beamed at him, and he at her. She took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him again. He returned the favor. After sharing a quiet minute like this, they broke apart naturally. He kept his hands on her shoulders though. He took a deep breath in through his nose and sighed happily. “You know how to make this old soul happy, little bird.” 

“I’m glad I can. Want to go dance? You have amazing moves.” 

He glanced at the dance floor, back at her, and grinned. “Help me get a bit more vodka in me, and tell the DJ to play something good. Then I’ll show these donkeys how it’s done.”

“Deal.”

They went over to the bar and downed a few shots of vodka together, then he did a few more on his own. With a buzz in her brain now, she made her way over to the DJ and gave him Ivan’s request. He gave her a thumbs up, and she went back to her old friend. 

When the song came on, the Russian stood up and winked at her. Then he sauntered onto the middle of the dance floor, clapping his hands to the beat. Those near him stopped dancing to look and make room. When he had his space, he began his dance. He squatted and kicked with his arms folded. He jumped up like a star. He spun and leapt around and around, landing perfectly and gliding smoothly into the next move. Everyone whooped and cheered.

While Lily was watching from the bar and cheering him on, she felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around her from behind. She looked up and back just as Caro’s chin came to rest on her forehead. 

“Having fun, birthday girl?” she asked. 

Lily grinned. “Of course.”

“Good.” She looked over at the dancing Russian. “He’s got better moves than ours. I can tell you that much.” 

“He’s amazing.” 

Caro kissed the top of her head. “I haven’t forgotten my promise,” she said, “to go home with you and give you a birthday gift you’ll be thinking about all day.”

I used to be angry about it. Every time I had looked into the girl’s eyes, I saw my last wife mocking me from her hideaway in Switzerland. I resented the girl for it. But then, as time passed, it numbed my anger, and turned it into something else. A begrudging acceptance at first, but it has since grown into something more. I became happier when she visited. She had a way of smiling at me that made me long to see it more. It was not only that it reminded me of Ilse, though that was part of it, but that I…wanted to see her happy. 

I groaned. I was turning sentimental and soft. It had been too long since I had fought and killed on the battleground. Allowing a little girl to influence me like this was ridiculous. I ought to just put my foot down and say no, and have that be the end of it. I opened my mouth to say it, but stopped as I looked at her again. She was still staring up at me, but she had moved closer now. I couldn’t escape her pleading look without turning away completely. As I stared at her, the sternness melted away to be replaced with a desire to see her smile. 

My expression softened. I wouldn't say I smiled. But I did relent. I reached out with one hand to hold her face, my thumb brushing the scar on her cheek. “Very well,” I murmured, “I will host you and Ludwig for lunch. And I will make this promise to you. If, if, he makes a genuine attempt at peace, I will accept it. So long as he does not antagonize me or try to harm me again, I will make peace with him. But, if he insults me or attempts harm upon me, I will throw him out and that will be the end of it. Understood?”

Her smile had grown as I had spoken, and now she nodded. “Oh, yes, Papa, I understand. Thank you so much. I know this isn't easy, so thank you for being open to it.” 

I grunted and turned to pick up my magazine. “Well you're welcome, I suppose. I have my doubts about all this. But if it does work out, then, as you said, things will be better.”

As I was looking at the magazine, I felt her slip her arms around me and squeeze. I looked down to see her resting her head on my shoulder and getting into a comfortable position. I smiled to myself for a second, then rested my hand on her shoulder. 

When she was settled, she spoke again. “He did have two requests for it.”

“Oh? And what might those be?” I asked, a bit of annoyance creeping into my tone. 

“He asked that it only be the three of us, that is, you, him, and myself. And he asked that we not serve Rouladen.” 

I raised my eyebrows and half rolled my eyes. “Well if that’s all, then I can arrange for that. I wasn’t planning on inviting anyone else either. As far as the food goes…I suppose he won’t object to some pheasant, will he?”

“I don’t think he would.”

“Good.” 

“Papa? I…I have a small request as well,” she said, her voice going softer. As I stared down at her, she looked up at me with a worried expression. “He, um, he doesn’t know yet that I slept with his brother. I’d like to keep it that way. Please, will you not mention that to him?”

I blinked, then huffed, and then gently pulled her bangs away from her face and tucked them behind her ear. “Quite frankly, my dear, I still think you were foolish for ever doing that in the first place. But, as I have no desire for a vulgar or angry conversation with him, then, yes, I will avoid mentioning it. More for all our sakes than just for yours.” 

She smiled a bit. “Yes, I understand. Thank you.”

“Hmm. Now then, since you’ve gone and made so many requests of me, I have one for you.” She looked at me expectantly, and I continued. “I want you to bring your violin to this. Perhaps, I will have you play for us. I think that a fitting start to your repayment for all this.” 

She nodded. “Yes, of course. I will do that.”

“Good.” I sighed and looked back at the magazine. “Are there any other requests I should be aware of?”

Her lips twitched up and she opened her mouth, as though about to crack some kind of joke. At my stern look, however, she quickly shut her mouth and looked down. “Er, no. No, sir, none that I can think of.”

“Good. In that case, you are free to go about the house as you wish. Dinner will be at the usual time.” 

Instead of letting go of me, however, or even sitting up, she squeezed me and shook her head. “If it’s alright, Papa, I would rather just stay here with you.” 

I stared at the air in front of me. For a moment, it felt as though my chest was squeezing itself. I looked down to see her smiling warmly at me. My expression softened into a small smile of my own. I wrapped one arm around her and placed my hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. 

“Yes, of course you may,” I murmured. Then, I cleared my throat and picked up my magazine with my free hand, opening it on my lap. As I did, she closed her eyes and rested more against me. 

“Thank you, Papa, for everything you do. I love you.” 

I stopped midway in turning a page. I had to blink a few times. I looked back down at her, but her eyes were still closed. I didn’t make any sound or gesture that could be confused for me returning the sentiment. But, in my mind, I allowed myself to think it. 

I nodded, then led us towards a line for a food stall. As we stood waiting, I gestured towards the bag she had put everything in. “So I presume the gaudy purse is for your degenerate brother, yes?”

She blinked and pursed her mouth, but ultimately decided to only nod in response. 

“And the cheese and wine is for your aunt?”

“Yes.”

“To whom are the wallets going then?”

“Oh…ah…” She blinked and looked away. “Just some friends,” she finally mumbled after a pause.

My eyes narrowed. She was never good at hiding lies from me, which I was glad of. But it was insulting that she would try all the same. 

“Lilianne,” I said in a stern voice, “what are you not telling me?”

She tensed and glanced up at me. I was reminded of when she was a small child, not even ten at the time, and yet had participated in a treacherous uprising. Was she betraying me again? 

“They’re for Ludwig,” she whispered. 

“And, you’re giving him two wallets?” I asked, my voice becoming quieter. 

“N-no.”

“Then to whom is the other one going?”

She swallowed and stared at her feet. I waited for her to respond, though my patience was growing thin. 

“I thought I might…give it to Gilbert?” she mumbled. 

I blinked. I was confused, I will admit, as to whom she meant. Who could this Gilbert be, and why was she so scared for me to know? Was he some new boyfriend? But I hadn’t heard of her dating someone new yet. Or, could she mean…

I glared at her. If we were not in public, I would have forced her chin up to look at me. “Child, do you mean to tell me you are giving a gift to that…unfortunate doppelgänger of mine? The one I…disposed of only a short time ago?” I asked in a furious whisper.

She looked at me and nodded.

My hand twitched. “Why?” 

“W-well we met up one night and we got to talking and…and he’s not really as bad as he came across that day, I think,” she whispered. 

“Is that so?”

She nodded. But she still had the look of a guilty child across her face, so I leaned in closer. 

“And what else are you not telling me?”

Her eyes widened. She tried to hold my gaze, but failed, ultimately looking down at her feet again. 

“Lilianne.”

But she still wouldn’t answer. She only shook her head. 

I glanced around. Some people were staring at us. I took her by the arm then and pulled her out of the line. We marched to a secluded alley behind the stalls. With no one around to look at us now, I gripped her chin and made her look at me. 

“What are you not telling me,” I said, a growl entering my voice.

I could feel her swallow. “Papa, please don’t hate me,” she said as tears started to creep into her eyes. I stared her down until, finally, she confessed. “We had sex together,” she squeaked. 

I stared at her, but without looking at her. My hand twitched again and I brought it up. She flinched, but instead of disciplining her, I merely smoothed one side of my hair. I took a deep breath in through my nose and let it out through my mouth. I let go of her chin. 

“I need to walk. Do not follow me. Stay with Marie.” I gave her the orders and then left. I could feel her staring at my back and longing to come to me, but she knew better. 

The Christmas stalls held little charm for me now as I passed through them. My grip on the head of my cane tightened. How could she have done such a thing? After I had killed that bastard for touching her, she went and not only became friendly with him, but slept with him too? Did she do that all in one night? How easy could she be? Oh, he might be Prussian, but that git was far from charming. She had seen that first hand. Hell, she had been the one to tell me that he was a boastful idiot with no redeeming qualities. Why had she suddenly switched and slept with him? 

As I reached the far end of the market, I stopped in my tracks. Perhaps I was thinking about this the wrong way. She couldn’t have meant to betray me in some form. If she had, why would she be buying him a present so openly in front of me? She was smarter than that. Could it be she was using her feminine wiles on him to further some agenda of her own? Perhaps. But then, why was she so scared to tell me? So, she had been willing to show her interest in him to some extent, but was scared to tell me the whole picture. 

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Was it something to do with him as Prussia? Was this to grab my attention? I opened my eyes and slowly turned back in the direction I had come from. Yes, this made sense now. She had wanted me to know, but was afraid to say it plainly. She didn’t want me to discipline her, but she wanted my attention all the same. This was, in essence, some kind of childish cry for her father’s attention. I sighed, then almost smiled. If that was all this was, then what she needed was the guidance only I could give.

I found her waiting with Marie where I had left them. The Schnauzer wagged her cropped tail and walked towards me as I approached, but I ignored her for now. I stopped and stood directly in front of my daughter, who looked up at me in fear. My hand rose, and I could see in her eyes that she expected a slap. But instead, I placed it on her shoulder and squeezed. 

“Papa,” she started to say, but I interrupted her. 

“No. Do not say anything. I understand now, my child. I see what you were searching for in this. And perhaps I have…neglected to give you what you need from me. Clearly, this was a cry for attention, was it not?”

“I…” 

“It all makes sense now. Why else would you sleep with a man I had just killed, if not to get my attention on you?” I sighed. “I forgive you, my child, for I see that you did it in hurt, not in malice.” 

She nodded silently. Then, she slipped her arms around me and hugged me tightly, laying her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Papa.”

I stared at the top of her blonde hair. A soft huff escaped my mouth as I smiled and wrapped my arms around her. I stroked the back of her hair. “I have one question for you then,” I said. When she looked up, I continued, “Are you dating him? Or did you merely sleep with him?”

Her brow creased and she bit her lip. “I don’t know. The latter, I suppose. He wasn’t there in the morning when I woke up. He just left a note to tell me when to leave and…I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”

“Hmm. I see. I suppose I would expect no less from him. All the same, if that should change, I want to know immediately. Am I understood?” 

She nodded with her face against my shoulder. 

“Good.” I cleared my throat and pushed her back so we were no longer hugging. I held her by her arms for a moment, then reached into my pocket to pull out a small box. “Here. I saw you eyeing this earlier.” 

She took the box carefully and opened it. Her face brightened when she saw the sheen of the knife’s steel inside. “Oh, Papa, it’s lovely. Thank you.” 

Before I could stop her, she was hugging me again. I grunted, patted her back, and then pushed her away gently. “Well, I am glad you appreciate it. Now, put it in your bag. Let us go get lunch.” 

I just huffed and tucked my helmet under my arm and unzipped my leather jacket. “So, what now?” 

He nodded in a direction behind me. “We’ll stroll down there and get dinner at the kiosk and eat at a table.” 

“Sure. But you’re paying.” I thought I saw him smile before I turned around.

We walked casually now, enjoying the scenery and the scent of the lake. Neither of us was in a race this time. It was time to slow down. We picked out a table and I sat down with our helmets while he went to purchase our food. He came back with a few beers and two plates, from which I could smell the familiar spicy-sweet scent of one of my favorite dishes. I grinned as he sat down, already envisioning that tasty red sauce over a sausage and fries. We both cracked open our first bottles of beer on the table. 

“Prost,” I said, raising mine. He met my eyes and raised his to mine, clinking them. 

“Prost. And here’s to 80 years of you.” 

I admit I looked a little surprised before I laughed. “Ah, is that what this is for? I love it. Best birthday gift ever. Although, shouldn’t you have let me win then?”

“Would you have actually wanted that?” he asked as he speared his first bite of sausage with his fork.

There was a brief pause as I thought about his question. Then, I shook my head. “Nah, not really.” He smiled and nodded.

We had a few moments of quiet ease as we ate. Then, he asked, “So, how was your party?” I felt like there was a lingering question there, one that he wanted to ask, but wouldn’t breathe out loud, lest the subject of his inquiry should suddenly manifest before us. 

“It was fine, nice even. I enjoyed myself. Everyone was civil and polite and I think we just really had a good evening. The food and drinks were good. But, well, what else would you expect from a high end place like that.” He nodded, but I could sense there was a slight bit of guilt behind it. I grinned at him and nudged his foot underneath the table. “Hey. This is nice too. This is me. I mean, that party was me too, but I’d say this is more me. I’m enjoying this.”

He grunted, smiled, nodded, and then drank a few gulps of beer. We both turned our attention to the water near us. As we ate and drank, we quietly watched the boats go past, and swimmers pass by the shore. Ducks and geese dipped in and out of the water, and sometimes a fish splashed up to catch a bug. The late afternoon sun inched its way down, making the water sparkle. Neither of us had to say anything. We simply enjoyed our presence together at the lake. 

As the beers dwindled down, our ears caught the sounds of a ruckus brewing. We weren’t the only ones. Other people turned to look towards the lake as a loud group of three young men in swimming trunks and sandals rounded a corner on the trail. They were whooping and hollering and singing, if you could call that cacophony that, and making their way towards our area. 

“College kids,” muttered Ludwig. 

“Drunk, American college kids,” I said, as the wind blew towards us and I could catch a whiff of their vodka and the sounds of their accents. I turned back to Ludwig and rolled my eyes. “Want to go somewhere quieter?” He nodded and we started to clean up our area. 

As we stood up, the boys reached us, and the one in the lead stopped by me. He was wearing sunglasses, but I could tell (like I can always tell) that he was checking me out. “Woah!” He put his hands out to stop his buddies from walking further. Then, he whistled at me. “Hey, gorgeous. How much for a night?” 

I rolled my eyes hard and walked past to put my trash in the right bins, alongside Ludwig. But the boys followed. 

“Hey, don’t go. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?” 

I flipped them off. 

They laughed. “Woah-ho-ho! Hey, come on Schatz,” said one of the followers, “It’ll be great. We’ll pay double if you do it with all three of us at once.”

I opened my mouth to tell them exactly where they could shove their three dicks, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. “She’s not interested in the pathetic three inches you collectively share,” said Ludwig. “So kindly fuck off.”

“Woah, buddy!” said the leader, putting his hands up in the air as though he were about to be arrested. “I didn’t ask you. Why don’t you let the chick speak for herself?”

“Fuck off and drown in a ditch,” I said. 

“Woah, okay, fucking Nazi chick,” he said. 

My eyes widened and I made a move forward. But Ludwig was faster. Before the boys had time to react, his fist came swinging hard. I could hear the crack of both the sunglasses and the young man’s nose underneath. 

The kid stumbled back and fell to the dirt. He whipped off his shattered glasses and brought a hand to his nose. When he pulled it away to see the blood on it, he blinked and then glared. “Dude, what the hell?! It was a fucking joke!” 

“We don’t joke about that here. Get out!” 

The boy stumbled to his feet. He looked at his friends on either side. “Well don’t just stand there. Get him!” 

The two drunks stumbled forward and raised their fists to punch Ludwig. But he was faster. Or, at least less drunk. He punched one hard in the gut, just around his liver. I winced, but grinned. That one wasn’t getting back up again too soon. The other one landed a punch on Ludwig’s ear. I heard him hiss. I instinctively wanted to move in to fight, but a glance from Ludwig told me to stay back, so I listened. He wanted this fight to himself right now. I could respect that.

The young man who had punched him pulled his hand back to give another blow, but this time, Ludwig was ready. He punched first, getting him in the throat. His eyes went wide as the midday sun, and he fell down, gasping for breath. He was out too.

The leading jokester was still left, but not looking thrilled at the thought of fighting Ludwig on his own. He still held his bleeding nose in one hand. He backed up quickly the second Ludwig took a step towards him. “J-j-just forget it, man! We’re out of here!” He backed up more and muttered, “Jesus, fucking Nazis, can’t take a joke.” 

Ludwig made a lunge for him, but I grabbed his arm as fast as I could. “Ludwig!” He looked back at me, pulling his arm away as he did. But I pointed at the people around us who had pulled out their phones to record the incident. “Let’s just leave, alright? They’re done here, and so are we.” 

He looked around, realized what was happening, and nodded. “Right. Let’s go.” 

We turned and left, heading towards our motorcycles. As I got on mine, I looked at him and smiled. “Meet you back at your place then?” 

He frowned, seemed to think about it, and then nodded. “Yeah. Meet you back at my place.” Then he quickly put his helmet on, turned on his bike and took off, leaving me little time to catch up. I frowned to myself and took off after him as fast as I could. 

I managed to keep him in my sight all the way back to his house, but I had a gnawing feeling that made the ride not quite as fun as it would have been. When we reached his place and parked on the street, he lingered on his bike. I got off mine and pulled my helmet off as I walked up to him. He pulled off his helmet. 

“Hey,” I said, “What’s happening? What’s wrong?” 

He stared at me. Then, he jerked his head towards the door. “Let’s go inside.” 

I sighed, but nodded. “Alright.” I followed him in. 

As we entered the living room, he gestured to the couch. “Feel free to take a seat. I’m getting some whiskey. Want any?”

“Sure,” I said as I sat down. He went into his kitchen, and I was left to gaze around his expensive looking home. It was more than I was willing to afford anyway. 

Ludwig returned shortly, two glasses in hand, and Frieda following him. He gave one to me and sat down on the couch with a groan. With one hand, he lifted up his little dachshund so she could sit next to him while he rubbed her ears. He was quiet as he sipped his whiskey. 

I sipped mine and stared at him. When it seemed like he wasn’t going to say something, I decided to speak up. “I had fun today. Thank you.” 

He grunted what sounded like a, “You’re welcome.”

I stared more, then looked down at the drink. I half considered gulping the whole thing, but decided against it, for now. “You know they deserved it,” I said finally. “They’re old enough to know that’s shit behavior. Someone was bound to give it to them some day. Hopefully they learned their lesson.” 

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Lily…”

“And you’re not a Nazi,” I continued. 

“That’s not what’s bothering me.” 

“Then what is it?” When he didn’t answer, I pressed on. “Ludwig, you can tell me. I care about you. What’s going on?” 

He sighed hard, stared at his drink, and then gulped it down. He closed his eyes for a moment. When I was about to give up on getting an answer from him, he opened them again and looked at me. I could see he was hurting, but trying to not show it so plainly. “I lost my temper. Again. I lost it around you and picked a fight. I’m not supposed to, and yet…” He glanced at my stomach. It was quick, practically a blink. But I knew what he was thinking, what he was remembering. 

I looked away as I set my drink on the side table near me. I could feel him looking at me though, so I looked back at him. “Ludwig,” I said in a calm, almost measured tone, “What you did was stand up for a friend. Could I have taken on those assholes myself? Absolutely. But having a friend stand up for me? That means more. I get it. You’re making efforts to not be what the world wants to see you as still. And that’s good. But sometimes you have to get dirty to do what’s right in this world. I know the world is going to twist this, like they do everything. But you and I know the truth, which is that you’re not a brute, not a Nazi, but a good friend. And that’s what matters.” 

He didn’t answer. He just stared at me. I tried to stare back, but eventually, I looked away. “Well, I guess if you want me to leave,” I said, and started to get up. I was stopped when he put a hand on my knee. 

“No, you can stay.” He sighed and leaned back into the couch. He put his arm nearest to me across the top of it. I leaned back into it and looked at him. He was staring up at the ceiling. I turned and looked up at it too, as though it might reveal some great truth that would help him feel better. 

We were silent for a while. It wasn’t a great silence, but it wasn’t oppressive either. It simply was. I wondered several times if I should say something more, but then decided against it. It was his call now, whether to talk about this more or not.

“Were we in your world?” 

I blinked, disturbed from my thoughts. It took a few seconds for the question to register. “Were we…oh, no, we were in yours.” 

“I see. So, the common denominator is either you, or me.”

I looked worried, and I felt afraid. Was he about to ask me to leave and never come back? He looked at me suddenly, and raised an eyebrow. “What? Why do you look so concerned?”

“Ludwig, if you’re thinking that…I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose what we have.” 

He blinked. He stared. And then, he smiled. “Lily, I’m not about to tell you to leave. I told you before, I’m not leaving you. And I meant that.”

“Oh. Right. That’s good. But then, why…?”

“Well, I’m just wondering what to tell my therapist when she asks about this. Those videos are bound to go viral. She’ll want to know.”

I smiled. And then I laughed in relief. Then, I looked at him with a “stern” face. “Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again.” 

He raised his eyebrows. “Careful. You go around giving orders like that, and people will think you’re commie dictator.” 

“Me? A commie dictator? Wherever did you get that idea? Besides, how can they say that when I have a Besserwessi for a friend?”

“I’ve gotten better about that,” he mumbled. 

I nudged him in the side. “That fancy, top model bike outside begs to differ.” 

“And yet, here I am, letting a Jammerossi sit on my couch and poke fun at me while she prods my side.”

“It’s for your own good.”

“Right. But if I said that to you…”

“You’d be a horrible Besserwessi, yes. That’s just the way things are.”

“That hardly seems fair.” 

I shrugged. “Whelp. Tough luck.”

He shook his head, but he smiled. And I was glad for it.

After another moment of quiet (this time, thankfully, not so awkward), I asked, “So, what are you going to tell your America when he asks about this?”