#meph rambles

I'm not, actually, I don't fucking think you're stupid. In fact I'm very fucking aware you are smart. I am trying to get the actual words out of my fucking head and in an order that makes sense before I am fucking interrupted again.

If you want my fucking opinion, stop talking until I have said it. I am smart but I also have trouble formulating a cogent discussion. I trip over my words and I have often had 4 and 5 different things going on at once so it gets jumbled which means I have to pause and rephrase and make sure I've covered things correctly.

But instead of being able to fucking finish a sentence you fucking interrupt again. So by the time I get a chance to say anything, I sound like I'm ready for murder. How the fuck do you think it feels when I have to fight for my fucking life in every conversation in order to have any opinion.

TLDR: Talking about William getting glasses to Clark Kent his way through fazbears only for Henry to recognize him. Nobody else does though.

I went to a paint your own pottery place last week and was pleasantly surprised that my bowl was ready on Saturday.

I do feel a bit at odds now though. I need a new task, something to aim for. That gave weight to the things I was doing and made it feel like progress was happening.

Currently I'm working on a paint by number thing I got from Amazon and it's going well... When I can get access to it. The cat has decided it's her new bed.

Like I knew the vibes of shit. I could figure things out and basically do a decent job based on vibes alone. But that does not mean that I know what I'm doing. Or that I can repeat this effort and get the same result.

I've been medicated for a couple of years and I don't know if it's working and I'm just stupid because my brain is no longer overclocking to compensate. Or if I'm just fucking lazy.

I want to quilt, well I got started, but in order to go further I need to put the xmas decorations away, but I need tape for the tree box so that can stand upright, and I need another rubbermaid bin to house the other decorations. I need to put the xmas village away, but I also need to put my laundry away because the laundry basket is sitting on the bin for the village.

I want to play sims 4 and create my own save file, but every single time I start building a house it's like I've forgotten how to build them. Also do I build the houses first or do I create the people first?

I want to bake, but that means I have to hit my kitchen and clean but i need to find places for things and I'm not sure where they should go. And if I do bake I'm going to end up with a bunch of stuff and no one to share them with because I haven't seen folks in a while.

I am not even low key stressed, I am a bundle of nerves and edginess because I cannot find a way to relax and I've got 4 or 5 things I need to take care of, the world is speed running fascism, my grandmother is in the hospital with a broken heel, and I haven't played dnd in like 4 months, but the idea of reaching out to play and then committing to 5 hour sessions every Sunday makes my skin crawl.