#mentalhelpforop

“I defend everyone but myself. Any slight towards a friend, towards a Client, and I’m ready to fight, ready to read for absolute filth but when it comes to me, sometimes I just…I just roll over and take it.  I didn’t used to be like that but I think I can trace why back to when my Progenitor really got back into my adult life. He just…there’s a reason that I don’t call him my father, anymore or my Dad. There are so many reasons that I don’t. He’s just…I don’t hate him, per se. I hate the things he does. I hate the things that he allows to happen. I hate how he sees people as assets or sacrificial pawns. He’s a sad, hateful little man and I allowed myself to be taken in by him when I was very vulnerable, very confused. I fell into the ‘daddy will always fix it’ mindset because I was scared, forgetting about his true nature until it was far too late to stop him from wreaking havoc and messing things up for my true loved ones and myself. And it’s not just him bullying me, either. Other people tear me down all of the time. They make me feel small and dirty, like I deserve to be treated badly because I’ve done bad things but…that’s not true. Just because I’ve done bad things doesn’t mean that I should let guilt and obligation make me into a whipping girl, a doormat. There’s a big difference between rightfully facing the consequences of my completely shitty actions and doing penance for them and being mistreated. I have been mistreated for years and it’s unacceptable. Now, that I’ve realized all of that, I need to start taking the power they’ve got over me away from them for good. I need to fight for myself like I fight for others. I need…I need to be a Gladiator for me. I have to relearn how to be a Gladiator for myself and that’s going to be a battle…”

Signs of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them (taken from The Art of Charm website):

Who are Toxic People?: Toxic People are individuals who try to control you, disregard your boundaries, take without giving, are always “right”, aren’t honest, love to be victims, and don’t take responsibility.

How to Remove Them:

ACCEPT that it may be a process

DON’T feel like you owe them a huge explanation

TALK to them in a Public Place

BLOCK them on Social Media/Phone/Email

DON’T argue- just restate your boundaries and stand firm

CONSIDER writing a letter

CONSIDER distance instead of separation

If a family member is Toxic, special allowances can be made but remember: being a relative DOES NOT give a person a license to screw up your life. Engage with them only when necessary and DO NOT give them an opening to inflict more harm. At the end of the day, your good mental and emotional health outweigh familial loyalty and obligation. Consider the dynamics and come up with a practical solution for all parties.

“I owe you? What exactly do I owe you, Mellie? How exactly do I owe you? Enlighten me.”

“You stole my…”

“You gave him away and your marriage was dead long before I came around. That’s the main reason Cyrus brought me onto the Campaign to begin with, remember? I don’t owe you a thing, Mellie and you know it. If anything, you owe me. Without my sacrifices, without my blood, sweat, and tears, you wouldn’t have become First Lady and were it not for all of my lovely Issues, you wouldn’t be Mrs. Grant, right now, I would be. I would be First Lady of the United States Olivia Pope-Grant and you would be yesterday’s news so where’s my thank you, Mellie? At the very least, you owe me a sincere thank you.”

“Olivia…”

“You owe me everything you have and are right now, Mellie. Without me, you’d be nothing but a pretty face with pretty words and no solid ground to stand on politically, despite your being First Lady.”

“Being First Lady is nothing but a glorified housewife, ornamental, not functional! A woman can’t really do anything useful or worthwhile…”

“Being FLOTUS is what you make of it and there have been plenty of women doing useful, worthwhile things within the position and for decades afterwards. I guarantee that you won’t be one of them. You are no Jackie O. You are no Eleanor. You are no Betty or Nancy. You wish you could be Hillary. All of them worked for what they got and achieved their dreams. They did have their husbands’ names and capital but at the end of the day, they stood on their own two feet when it counted most. You have done nothing but leech, whine, manipulate and be propped up by others for your entire life. The sweet spot you’re in right now, the political and social capital you have access to for your Campaign comes mainly from me: your husband in name only’s uppity little whore, as you love to call me whenever you can. Although, we both know that I’m not only whore in the picture. I’ve never been the only one. By the way, thanks to your little boyfriend’s warmongering, high treason shenanigans, I’m heavily medicated and in therapy to cope with severe PTSD. In fact, I should pass all of the medical bills over to you since he’s indisposed. How’s his recovery going? He’s just been transferred to a private long term care facility, hasn’t he?”

“I…I haven’t seen or talked to Andrew since everything happened…”

“Of course, you haven’t because you can’t gain anything from him right now except for dribbled applesauce, garbled speech, and dirty diapers.”

“…I see that I came here at a bad time…”

“No, you’ve got great timing and I want you to spread the word when you go back to 1600 Penn: I am retired from Kingmaking and Campaigning. I don’t have the time or the drive to do it anymore. Unless a one in a billion candidate shows up, I’m done and even if that one in a billion came to me now, I’d probably say no.  I’m playing to my strengths and my greatest strength is Fixing. My People and Client Base deserve for me to put OPA first.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Olivia. We made a good team…”

“No, we didn’t. Teams work together and treat each other like equals. I did the lion’s share of the work while you benefited and treated me like an indentured servant. All personal reasons aside, my presence would be disastrous to your Optics. This is supposed to be your time to shine. That’s how you’ve marketed yourself to the Public: the long suffering Woman behind the Man finally emerging into the spotlight where she belongs. Adding me to your Campaign will make it all about my history with Fitz and the Grant Administration, professionally and personally. It would be all about Fitz’s legacy and your impact on it, win or lose. You’d get lost in the shuffle and any positive progress we’d make would be dismissed as nothing but nepotism. You’d be a punchline, seen as nothing more than a little girl playing dress up until the real Candidate takes the seat on the Hill. Is that what you want?”

“It wouldn’t be like that…we could be partners. You could even be my running mate for the Presidency, later. You could Spin me to be…”

“You’re right, I could Spin you to be America’s Salvation. I could spin you as a long overdue feminist breath of fresh air for the Nation. If I wanted to, I could Spin you onto the Hill and into the Oval with one hand tied behind my back because I’m just that good.  But I don’t want to. I don’t want to help you, Mellie. I am under no real obligation to help your Campaign and if you try to force me to help you, I’ll ruin you.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me.”

“Fitz would never let you…”

“Nobody lets me do anything. I make my own choices and we both know that Fitz would thank me on his knees in more ways than one if I ended you. He’s been trying to get rid of you for years but I wouldn’t let him because all of my lovely Issues. That’s changed now. If you come after me in any way, it will be Open Season on you, Mellie. You’re just getting started. You still have a whole new political and social career ahead of you. Do you really want to risk all of your hopes and dreams just to keep your Prissy, Scarlett? Can’t you get a new one? I’m sure Cyrus would man up and learn about birthin’ babies just to keep his first class cabin on his favorite Gravy Train. I’m sure he’d do a passable Southern accent, too…”

“I don’t have to stand here and take this disrespect from you!”

“What I just said to you is nothing compared to how you’ve talked to me over the years or how you talk to Fitz when you don’t get your way.  You’re right, though. You don’t have to stay here and listen to me. Just like you brought yourself into my place of business, you’re free to leave at any time. I’d like that time to be now. Best of luck with your Campaign.”

/

“Olivia, you’ve made excellent strides forward in your recovery but I have a question for you. You don’t have to answer it immediately.”

“What is it?”

“Why haven’t you reached out to Fitzgerald, yet? You’ve reached out to all of the other positive people in the Plan you showed me. Why not him, too? What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Olivia…”

“Linda, I’ve hurt him so much. I’ve been hurting him for so long and I just…I feel ashamed for that. I feel so awful and sad for what I’ve done to him. I used to be able to justify my actions as protecting him, protecting his Legacy but that’s bullshit. I was protecting me. I wasn’t thinking anyone’s Legacy and needs but mine. Fitz hasn’t done anything but try to love me and I tortured him for it. I’ve ran from him, I’ve yelled at him, I’ve hit him, I was with other men, one of whom he considered a close friend, I’ve betrayed him professionally, I’ve helped other people betray him in so many ways and I just…I haven’t reached out to him since the Phone Call because I don’t what to say or do. An apology is too weak, even a genuine one, and I don’t want…I don’t want to give him hope with my words, with my actions again and not be able to back it up. I don’t want to start The Carousel again.”

“The Carousel?”

“It’s the cycle that I’ve established with him: we get together, it’s good for a while, some sort of obstacle rises up, and I leave him, saying that it’s for the best or he pushes me away and we both end up miserable. Not only that, we…mainly I end up dragging other people into the mess and things get worse and worse until we find a way to get back together. We go around in circles and never make any real progress forward, just like a carousel. We’ve been doing it for years and I don’t want to go back to that pattern. I want to make a new one, not just for my sake but for his. God, after what happened last time…”

“What happened last time?”

“H-He tried to commit suicide. He was devastated and he needed me so badly but I ran away. I didn’t even say goodbye. He went to my apartment after 2 weeks and found it empty. He thought that I had been killed or Taken again and he… I know that he didn’t do it just because of me but I know that I was the catalyst. I know that I was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I know it.”

“Has Fitzgerald told you that?”

“No, but I…I know it’s true. People who were around at the time told me so and looking at all of the facts, I just…I can’t hurt him again. I can’t put him in that dark place again. I can’t lose him. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him. If I ruin us again, he’ll either break down completely or he’ll give up on me and find someone else. I don’t want him to do that. I want…I want to be happy. I want to have joy and he’s a critical part of that.”

“Then you need to let him have his say.”

“What?”

“Olivia, you’ve made decisions about your relationship with Fitzgerald without consulting him, without talking to him and hearing him. You’ve said that to me more than once.”

“Because it’s true, Linda!”

“I know that and so do you, which is a good thing. You’re acknowledging the unhealthy elements in your relationship and you’re being proactive in dealing with them. However, it’s not just on you. It takes everyone involved in a relationship to make decisions, especially when things are at a turning point. Olivia, you need to speak with him. You need to see him. You need to ask him what he wants and needs from you before you write him off or give up on your relationship entirely. I understand that you’re afraid. I understand that you’re ashamed and yes, there is a distinct possibility that he may end things with you but you still need to do it, if not just for closure.”

“…but what if I’m right? What if the hurt is just too much? What if he can’t forgive or trust me, anymore? What if he doesn’t love me anymore? What if it’s too late?”