#mental headcase

It was vivid. Very fucking vivid. To the point where I'm not sure if it even was all dream or if it all really happened. I'm afraid to call the other person who was in my dream because if I tell them this, then they have a weakness on me. If I don't tell them, and they pick up on my strange behavior around them, I reckon I can shrug it off as residual anxiety from this weekend.

I've never imagined that would be ~me, because it's fucking dangerous and stupid, especially as someone who has a life-long mood disorder. However, I know the risks involved with stopping seroquel suddenly (especially on my dose) so I won't. I would prefer to stay out of the hospital and away from things like seizures, strokes, death, etc. Things I noticed during my few days off of seroquel:

my mind is more clear

I don't forget things ever

decisions are easier to make

I felt physically healthier

I had the worst case of insomnia ever

my moods didn't fluctuate nearly as much

It might be if you have parents who have you on their health insurance, or if you have your own health insurance from work that covers what I refer to as “private practice” – a psychiatrist you see that isn’t government funded/paid. They’re usually in a private office, or out of their home. Some might make house calls, but those are rare now. I do not have the option of private practice as I am on ODSP –Ontario Disability and Support Program- or, disability coverage, for short. This means my healthcare is government-paid for (as is most health care in Canada, with use of a valid province-issued health card) but the psychiatrists and psychiatric care I am to get is also government funded.