#memory tapes

Tulip's tape was modified to be happier than it really was. She remembers how the day at a theme park with trained dolphins, DolphWorld, was very fun. She remembers going downstairs at night, seeing a funny, peppy late-night infomercial starring her friends Atticus and One-One, and interacting with a couch that has a blanket on it. She remembers her parents gathering around the dinner table to celebrate her getting a scholarship for Vassar, a "college for creative people too smart for their own good", while wearing Family 4Ever shirts and being a happy family and slicing apart a cake (incoherently an onion cake, because she likes onions).

However, when she realizes her memories are wrong, she sees the real versions: DolphWorld was dull with few people, and she couldn't see it due to needing glasses, and her parents were bickering. The infomercial was actually boring and slightly unsettling, and she was interacting with the couch to comfort her father, who was crying on the couch. Her parents gathered around the dinner table to tell her of their separation, which she assumed would inevitably lead to divorce. She recalls how, in the real scene, she did not feel happy, but scared and angry and alone.

Grace’s Troubles

Grace’s issue is her deep-seated fears or insecurities: she is afraid of being wrong, disappointing others, not being enough, and being alone.

Due to her troubles, Grace was desperate for attention from her parents and her peers at a ballet class, but was rejected and ignored, to the point she told a slanderous lie to the ballet group just to sow discord and shoplifted from a jewelry store just to be noticed by her parents. Her deep-seated insecurities led her, as a 10-year-old, to make something up (or lie) to 10-year-old Simon about the purpose of numbers, though she really didn’t know. As the leader of the Apex, she had plenty of loose ties, and was near-constantly admired, even idolized (one member even copied Grace’s style).

She confronts her troubles within her unofficial memory tape in a much more direct way than Tulip. When Grace was trapped within her tape, a representation of Hazel showcases her mistreatment, her culpability for Tuba's death, her cowardice, and (to a lesser extent) how she blames Simon for Hazel's suffering, but herself gave him the idea to wheel denizens. Grace admits to all her fears, and how she did everything to avoid being alone, only to end up totally alone anyway. Although her number goes down rapidly when she admits her fears, she’s only launched out of the tape once she says Hazel deserved better and sadly waves goodbye to a representation of her. She probably comes to some closure (however sad) on the her time with Hazel in the process.

Other Aspects of Memory Tapes

Distortions

The tapes reflect how each memory was stored, and memories, of course, can be altered. For example, while viewing Amelia’s memories in her tape, Tulip, The Cat, and One-One can’t get closer to Amelia; The Cat explains Amelia kept some memories at a distance. In Grace’s memories, the servants/babysitters are only shown as their outfits, ever-changing with their names, and they speak in unison: obviously not as it actually happened.

The multi-wall recording of the "We won't tell Simon" scene subtly distorted how it actually looked. Grace is less expressive when stating her dialogue, and so seems less hesitant or conflicted. She looks less tense. Hazel looks more comforted. Interestingly, Hazel's snout is different, arguably more beast-like, rather than being shaped roughly like the jaws of a prehistoric human. The ridges of her upper jaw is also much more pronounced. There's no reason Grace would modify it like this; she's conflicted over hiding it from Simon, not joyfully sneaky, so it’s logically Simon’s memory. The memory of Grace encountering the Conductor in the Pumpkin Car changes when Grace realizes the memory is wrong. Either Grace has been encouraged to remember it differently because of her own memories of Simon's dramatized retellings, or Simon conflates his memory of how he imagined it happening with Grace's own memory.

Tulip gets out when she realizes her memories are wrong, and they're wrong because she changed them herself. Simon does not seem aware of how his memory of the "We won't tell Simon" scene is distorted, and how his understanding of the situation with Grace is incorrect.

What is the Static?

It’s unclear what the static represents. It could be misapprehensions, distortions, and denial, or fabrications of all kinds, good or bad. It could also represent fear and general turmoil. It’s possible it represents both kinds of things. It’s possible the static represents a “canvas” of negative emotions, over which other things can be pasted, such as various forms of untruths.

Supporting the idea it’s a “canvas” of negative emotions, the walls behind Simon become entirely static when he’s deeply distressed and says “Everyone lies to me!”. Tulip's static also goes over her head when the scene returns to the deeply exaggerated memory of how the divorce was spelled out to her, and when Grace denies her culpability in Tuba’s death by blaming Simon, the static on her body immediately rises. Furthermore, there is initially static on the TV in Tulip’s couch scene, and the static is replaced by something that isn't true—a cheerful, funny infomercial, with her friends as actors.

However, in Grace’s memories, there’s static depicting the world outside the scenes, such as views through windows. The static outside the scenes certainly doesn’t match misapprehensions, delusion, denial, or fabrications. It’s possible the ‘default’ pattern outside a scene represents the Passenger’s emotional state. During the scene where the window has static, Grace is experiencing some level of negative emotions (perhaps dread or anxiety). Oddly, a TV screen of sorts launches itself out of Grace’s chest when her body is mostly covered in static, and although it is not something real, it’s not an delusion, fabrication or other untruth.

Inconsistencies

In Episode 9 of Season 1, The Cat, Tulip, and One-One are in an area that’s mostly white; one wall becomes static, and The Cat and Tulip enter a memory through that wall.

The static representation theory makes sense, except for one thing: the Memory-Hazel Intervention scene. If static represents a canvas of negative emotions, the background would logically be static, but it’s not: it’s black walls and a white (or light grey) floor. As Grace breaks down sobbing, the walls and ceiling rapidly change from black to white, making it more like Tulip’s.

However, when Tulip enters Amelia’s memories, there’s briefly a similar background as One-One brings everyone up for a better view when chasing after Amelia. The background while above all of Amelia’s memories is gray and black, much as it was for Grace. It’s possible the background is black when set in a higher “elevation” of the mindscape, due to covering a greater depth or breadth of issues. Grace sobbing is the point when she acknowledges a broad swath of issues, and when it comes down to something smaller and more specific, of not being able to say goodbye to Hazel, the background turns white again.

Rips of static show up in the memory of Amelia hunkering down in her house, mourning Alrick, and the static quickly covers the whole scene. Static-rips in a scene might represent cycling through related negative memories or rumination.

Trauma from the Tape

It is possible going into one’s own memories on the tape could itself cause lasting trauma or turmoil: even conventional therapy can cause lasting psychological harm. The only way to escape the tapes is by confronting and acknowledging one’s trauma or turmoil, almost certainly alone, in a very direct, surreal, scary way, or be trapped forever or die of thirst or starvation. Indeed, it is possible what’s left of Grace’s number is related to her time in her tape. If numbers represent trauma levels or psychosocial maladjustment only in how they relate to the specific troubles that got people on the train, it’s possible getting into the tapes can be so traumatic that people can resolve one issue, get on the train, and then come back specifically to deal with the tape trauma. (Consider Jesse: his problem was something like “He’s a mirror to others”. Even after getting better, he came back because his new “entrance problem” was “M.T. is stuck on the train”.)

Intentions