#memetime

You're too kind, sob. I'm constantly letting myself down I've been having a lot of trouble with my fics for several months now, and I'm quite discouraged. For Work on "I Want Something That I Want" I... made it all of two new sentences? I've been struggling with this connecting chapter between the Worst Heat Ever (TM) and A Very Crucial Event. I didn't like what I wrote the other day, but I looked back at it and decided it'll do, then managed to close that scene. There's still one more thing I need to address before I can move on though.

Here is what I did:

But right now, in spite of his strengthened resolve, his Omega is bitter and helpless, knowing that the comfort he craves is being given to someone else –even if she deserves it just as much.

He’ll visit Jane tomorrow. For now, Ethan needs to get started on making sure this is the last time he finishes a heat empty inside. 

For Bitch on "Too Busy..." Oh my god. What can't I bitch about about this fic? I have worked on this fic for longer than everything else I've ever written combined. I got stuck on one scene for 3 years. I've gone months without adding stuff and literal years between updates. I felt like I was hitting my stride for a bit over the summer and then the stupidest thing that always happens to me happened: I got in my own way, tripped myself up, and haven't been able to find my feet.

My beta, who is incredible and amazing and doing exactly what I asked of her, made a suggestion about a scene. And it was so good that I was like "how did I not see that? Oh my god. Who let me write this fic when I clearly don't know what I'm doing?" And I crumbled.

Again this was not her intention, this is exactly what I needed a beta for. But combined with the busyness of my job in the summer, stresses of life and obligations in general, and my own mental illnesses and insecurities, I just...

A cool thing about me is that I have OCD and my brain will latch onto a negative thought and turn it around and around and around and around, and I don't like it but I can't let go.

So I started writing the ABO fic to take my mind off it (and to shamelessly write about Will railing Ethan) and then that accidentally found a plot... and it's so tonally different and a different vision of them than "Too Busy," that I feel like I have to finish it before I can go back to "Too Busy," but I can't seem to do that, and I'm scared to go back to "Too Busy" because I shouldn't have had this breakdown and I feel so awful, my beta is so good and talented and comforting and supportive and I don't know how to tell her how guilty and assholeish I feel for not just being able to say "thank you" and adapt, which I should have done, instead losing my shit because I can't get something right on the first try and lying on the ground because I decided I've failed her and everyone aaaahhhhhh (And if you're reading this (you know who you are), I'm sorry, and that's why I haven't emailed you in an age, because I have so much to say about how much I love your writing and support and I'm so terrified of losing you so I'm losing you anyway and I'm sorry I started writing something you don't want to read instead. I mean, I'm not sorry I'm writing it, but I feel like I let you down and I don't know how to come back from that.)

Or maybe it's just that I don't know how to forgive me for what I decided I've done wrong, so I've been hiding from the fic, from my beta, until I can come to terms with the idea that maybe I'm not actually the worst person in the world, which is really weirdly hard!

I DID THIS TO ME. AND I KNOW IT. THIS IS NO ONE'S FAULT BUT MY OWN. THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH ETC. ETC. BUT IT'S REALLY DARK IN THERE AND... I make a lot of excuses.

...I'm not sure if that was actually bitching or just me exploding feelings at the screen, but ta-daaahh!

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better game

Reading: oh man this reminded me i have a library book to pick up. nothing atm but everyone is lying to you by jo piazza seemed compelling so that's the one on the list next

Last series: heated rivalry aka tiny homegrown yaoi funded with my hard-earned tax money and partly filmed in my backyard and is now taking over the WORLD!? what a time to be alive indeed

Last movie: 10dance. such a visual feast!

Last song: glory by wye oak

Sweet or salty: sweet!

Coffee or tea: my screwy sleep has me leaning more regularly on tea these days but a good cup of coffee still hits like nothing else 🥹

Working on: contemplating more vidding projects in 2k26 since i had a lot of fun with the last one and playing around with a different storytelling medium. also just looking forward to generally messing around with new/different kinds of art

super low-pressure tagging @basileus @worldunbent @qserasera @alwayshappyhoursomewhere @adamantineheart @endless-season @tonystarksanxieties @doubleboyfriend @spookirou

He’s covered in grime, blood and dirt and sweat and God knows what else he was caught in the middle of during the fight. The knuckles of one hand are split open and he’s going to have to get his bat replaced because it’s got such a dent in it that it’s nearly bent in half, but he’s alive, and for Stiles, that’s really what matters.

He’s alive. His pack is alive. And then, then he sees Brett, and Brett is alive, too.

Stiles’ knees nearly go out from under him, the relief hits him so hard. He might have actually ended up just sitting down in the edge of the Preserve, in the mud and the dirt and the sticks and the leaves, but like he always is, Brett’s just there, strong arms wrapping around Stiles, holding him up where Stiles just can’t do it anymore.

He isn’t the best at surrender, but here, surviving, living, with his boyfriend holding him, well. Here, it’s as easy as breathing. Maybe easier, right now.

So he does. He just kind of goes a bit limp, leaning into Brett’s embrace, trying to choke back tears and echoing Brett’s constant patter of, “I’m here, I’m here, I’ve got you, you’re okay,” with reassurances of his own.

🍀Irish Steve Jobs🍀

Bonus: