#melonchaly

My boyfriend fell down the stairs today.

It woke me up with a hard thud. It was strange because loud banging noises dont normally happen in our house. 

I have a feeling it was caused by one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. Things left on the stairs, or in front of our stairs by passive aggressive roommates. 

He isn't doing very well right now. Emotionally and physically. He has rug burns all up and down his arms and neck. The worst part about rug burns in his situation is that they are somewhat a constant reminder of his mortality. 

As he said in his post about the event he has fell down mountain trails and other things many times and not been fearful of his life. But the idea of ending it all, going through the nevada shaped hole in our wall, or hitting his head on the unsafe wall as we come down our stairs, its similar to tragedy of perhaps being hit by lightning. 

Everything in our life has in some way culminated to our lives being ended by something mundane and pedestrian. 

I feel like a terrible boyfriend today. 

When I heard the bang, i jolted up and listened but didn't react. I heard our roommate check and see if he was ok, and hoped more than i had ever hoped before that he would soon walk into the room. 

from that moment on my day was off. 

First of all Marques accidentally left his phone on the bus a couple days ago, therefore he has no phone and I dont have any means of having constant communication with him. 

After the fall, I woke up in a rush because the bus would be outside the house in 15 minutes. Normally he is waiting for me as I get to the main level and we embark across the street for the bus. 

When I went downstairs the my roommate left, my other roommate made a snarky passive aggressive comment about the kitchen being dirty, then the bus arrived. I called to marques and he didn't respond. He came out of the bathroom and the bus was still waiting. i didn't want to miss it and be late for class so my instinct told me to go. 

He made another bus and made it to class sooner then I had. 

My mind has not left the topic of him all day. The snow falling as I walked to class was the perfect kind of snow for him, as snow is his ideal weather. Big, fluffy, slow falling, romantic flakes. 

He came to see me after his class, but because of the phone situation  I havent been able to check up on him and make sure he is doing ok. Knowing that he picked up a short shift today I went to see him at work, and although he was doing better after class, he had been a little more blue than this morning. 

I've been thinking to myself today what my life would be if he was taken form this mortal coil. What would happen if the love of my life was taken away from me?

Needless to say. I have had quite the melancholy day. 

But Marques must be having a much much worse one than me. he is struggling so much right now dealing with facing the extremely vulnerable nature of dealing with ones own mortality. 

It is my nature to nurture and coddle the broken and the vulnerable. Most of the time when marques is sick or under the weather I am able to help, and more so he lets me. 

Today per his request I am letting him be alone and do homework tonight for a while, while I am out. 

Marques, when you read this know that I am thinking of you. I am looking forward to returning home tonight and kissing you and showing you the most love I can. Simply said, I could not, cannot, imagine my life without you in it. Like it says in "Cheatin'" the best part about being in love is that you are with the one person that means more to you in this world, than you mean to yourself.