#melchiritz

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Ernst jolted awake, sitting up in his bed and looking around. He reached for his phone. The illuminated screen read 2:14 am. The light was still on in his room, his school computer was still charging in the corner, and not a soul had tried to wake him. When he was sure it was just a dream, he fell back onto the pillows in relief. ‘Oh my god.’ He thought and gave a slight chuckle. He wasn’t sure what to do. His dream had been, interesting. He had a vivid memory or what it felt to be pursued by Hanschen Rilow.

He was terrified of thinking about his best friend that way. He was embarrassed, knowing that Hans and Melchior were dating. He didn’t know what to do, so he called the only person he thought he could. “Anna, I think I’m in love.”

Anna had seen her best friend looking at Hanschen, the way that she looked at Martha and the way Moritz looked at Melchior, so she wasn’t surprised when the news finally broke. She just hadn’t expected it to break at 2:30 in the morning.

“What makes you say that?” She tried to be chill, as chill as she could be.

“I had a dream I slept with him.” Though it wasn’t false, Ernst regretted his word choice immediately.

“Ernst! He’s dating Melchior!” Anna scolded through the phone, she had always thought Ernst to be so pure.

“I know! I know!” Ernst tried to defend himself.“Well you’ve gotta tell him.” Anna suggested. She knew full well he would shoot it down. She wasn’t about to give up, though. She’d bring up up some other time that wasn’t this early. “No way! I just needed to get this off my chest.” Ernst shook his head, and wished Anna goodnight.

The next day, Ernst couldn’t even look at Hanschen. He was mortified all of Latin class, the two being left as partners to conjugate verbs. Hanschen suspected something had happened to make Ernst appear so flustered, but felt as though he wasn’t the cause of the other boys discomfort.

A little less than 2 weeks had gone by, and he had almost calmed down. Things were back to normal. Melchior and Hanschen still snuck away together whenever they could, Martha and Thea always held hands going down the hallway, and Moritz, Anna, and Ernst had returned to their respective ‘sad single kids’ club. Hanschen, however clam his exterior had been, was certain Ernst was still not okay. He decided to confront him during band, but Ernst had made some excuse to go to the restroom. Hanschen didn’t understand why his best friend was acting so strange.

~~

They were at some crowded house party. The music was loud. Some people were drinking, others were dancing, but Ernst was only focused on the boy who had just approached him.

“Ernst, baby. Please come to a spare room with me.” Ernst chuckled a little bit, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Hanschen grabbed onto his shoulders for stability.

“Hans, you’re wasted.”  Ernst took his hands away, but the other boy wrapped them around his waist.

“Jesus, learn to live a little.” Hans pulled Ernst close, kissing his neck.“I- I am not losing -my virginity in a drunken hookup.” Ernst stuttered, as he never would’ve expected Hanschen to do that. He brought the boy up to his lips. Ernst wasn’t sure how long had passed when Hanschen pulled away.

“So, shall we?” Hanschen whispered into Ernst’s ear.

“No.” Ernst shoved Hanschen away, and continued.

“I want it to be with someone I love. You’d never even stay the next morning.”

“Yes I would!” Hanschen took offense to the comment.

“You’d leave right after you orgasamed. I know you too well.”

“I could never leave you, I love you too much!”

~~

Ernst jolted awake. ‘Oh no. Not again.’ While the dream didn’t finish, he still felt dirty. Ernst had reverted back into his shame. He wanted to get out.

“I’m so embarrassed.” He sat down across from Anna, before anyone else had gotten to the table. It was lunchtime and he hadn’t seen her all day, except for when she was talking in a big group. More specifically, a big group with Hanschen

“What’s wrong?” She spoke. Ernst shot her a look. She then understood Ernst’s distress.

“Have another dream?” She teased.

“Shut up, Wheelan.” He playfully pleaded with her as she continued.“Oh God, mmm. Oh, Hanschen!” She moaned, mimicking what she thought Ernsts’ dream entailed.

He turned a brighter shade of red, looking around to see if anyone had heard. No one had, but as he turned around he saw someone so gorgeous. Hanschen came out of the lunch line, and started walking over to their table.

“Knock it off. You say nothing.” Ernst turned to her, speaking in hushed yet serious tones. She nodded in understanding. For as much as she teased Ernst, they were still close friends. She wanted the best for him.

“Hey guys!” Hanschen spoke, putting a hand on Ernst’s shoulder. “Hi, Hanschen.” Anna said. Ernst, on the other hand, was bright red.

“Ernst?” Hanschen asked. “Hello? Earth to Robel?”

Anna hit the table, bringing Ernst back to reality.

“There.” She said, giving Hanschen a nod but then getting distracted herself by the girls at the other end of the table.

“Ernst, do you wanna go eat outside? Get some fresh air.” Hanschen spoke. The other boy nodded excitedly. As they walked out to an old tree, Ernst’s brain started to race. A million different questions that the other boy could ask, and billions of different ways he could respond. He decided to take the looming power away from Hanschen, and make his own first move.

They sat down under the tree. It wasn’t too hot, nor too cold. It was perfect. Ernst felt guilty for, at least in his mind, ruining this perfect day because he couldn’t control his crush on the boy who was sitting close. .

“Hansi?” Ernst choked out. The other boy turned to face him, which would make Ernst’s proceedings ten times harder. Hanschen made a “Hm?” sound as a sign for Ernst to continue.

“I’ve been- I’ve been having dreams about you.” He spit out.

“Oh.” Hanschen made no move of approval or disgust. Ernst wasn’t sure how to feel. It was better than Hanschen leaving him alone under the tree, but he still felt off. It was the indifference that Hanschen displayed that made Ernst so upset. A few moments passed until Hanschen spoke up again.

“What kind?” Ernst contemplated his response, but knew that lying would get him nowhere.

“Dreams that- dreams that we were kissing.” A moment passed, for Hanschen needed to process it. Ernst started to backpedal. “I’m sorry! You probably don’t even like me- and I just needed to tell you.” “That’s why you’ve been acting so weird?” Hanschen half questioned the other.

“Yeah.” Ernst sat motionless against the tree until Hanschen kissed his cheek. It was quick, but sweet. “How are you feeling now?” He asked Ernst as he pulled away, hoping that his would affirm Ernst’s thoughts.“Better, yeah.” Ernst nodded, not sure how to continue.

“I know your dreams were one thing, but could you be happy here with me?” Hanschen spoke, taking Ernst’s hand, trying to make sure that he knew how he felt.

“Yes, of course!” Ernst gave his hand a squeeze, and shared a smile. However, he pulled away. “But, what about Melchior?”

“You know Melchior and I aren’t going out, right?” Hanschen spoke like it was common knowledge.

“Oh, did you- did you two break up?” Ernst was scared that he was pressuring Hanschen to move on too fast, but the other boy gave a chuckle at the question.

“We never dated!”

“You didn’t?” Ernst was shocked at the news. Everyone of his friends had thought them dating.

“Fucking isn’t dating, Ernst.”

“But.. but you held hands in the hallway.” He spoke, trying to get the truth out of Hanschen. There was no way Hanschen didn’t have feeling for Melchior. Not to say that Ernst, wasn’t overjoyed. He was.

“Yeah. But what me and him had wasn’t exclusive. It never was.” Hanschen started to sob a bit, inwardly of course. He had only thought of Ernst like this once before, sure. But Ernst was clearly shaken up over this.

“Why didn’t you tell me!” Ernst sighed. All this time, he could’ve been with him.

“I thought you knew!” He tried to defend himself, hoping that this would breech Ernst’s trust.

“Well, I didn’t!” Ernst wasn’t mad or upset, he just wish that there had been a glowing neon sign over hanschen’s head that said ‘Not Taken.’“If it makes a difference, we’ve stopped.” Ernst’s eye widened at the knowledge. “Turns out, Moritz finally asked him out.” Ernst was wondering why Moritz hadn’t told him yet.

“So that means you’re available now?” Ernst asked after a brief silence.

“I guess it does.” Hanschen gave a smug grin, making eye contact with Ernst.