#meg rambles

At first, I tried desperately to seize onto any elements of it that I considered salvageable, because it was such a devastating idea to me that i would want to toss it all out the window.

After the months and months we all spent speculating, theorizing, and anticipating, to have it all culminate in nothingness and heartbreak? I couldn't accept that.

But the longer I've sat with the ideas presented by the finale, the more determined I've become to just disregard it entirely.

The characters don't act like themselves. The moral and theological frameworks of the setting are completely retconned. And the narrative arcs are incoherent at best.

You can never convince me that this story was "how it was always supposed to end up," because all the evidence points to the contrary.

Nor do I believe this was the original intent when S2 was written. The narrative threads introduced by S2 are almost entirely disregarded: the 25 Larazrii miracle, Metatron as a manipulative villain, the literal Chekhov's gun of the Derringer in the bookshop, the list goes on.

You would think, with a shortened 90-minute runtime, that any sensible screenwriters would pick a few already-established story threads so they could both save time and deliver on something that was promised. You could have just picked ONE of those, and I'd have been satisfied enough.

But instead? Instead they decided to establish completely new story elements put of the blue, such as Michael going insane and the Eternal Flame at the center of the universe.

Why??? Why waste your precious runtime introducing new bits of lore, especially ones that contradict what we've already seen? Just use the lore that was already there, dammit!

Such a baffling decision. But it also makes it SO much easier for me to decide to disregard the finale altogether.

It wasn't just emotionally upsetting, it was altogether incompetent as a narrative.

So most days? I get by just fine. I engage in The Discourse and vent about why it's all nonsense. I look at good fanart and read good fanfic.

And I "touch grass" (i.e., I go to work and do my chores and fulfill family obligations and talk to my irl friends about non-fandom things, because they don't wanna hear about it). I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to do, all the things expected of me.

But sometimes, like today, the sadness starts to creep back in regardless.

And I'm so, so tired of being sad about something that nobody outside Tumblr thinks is reasonable to be sad about. I'm tired of being dismissed and told to get over it. I'm tired of not being given space to grieve or sit with my feelings, when it almost feels like someone i KNOW actually died.

I don't know if i even have a valid point in all this personal rambling. Just that my feelings have ping-ponged all over the place this past month, and just as grief over something "real" isn't a linear process, this grief probably won't be either.