#mebemae

She writes down her rules on a tattered scrap of pattern paper, and pins it to the head of her bed. She reads it every morning as she gets up, and every night before she turns out the light. 

Find something to smile about each day.

Give another person a smile each day.

Find a nice story in the paper each day.

Keep writing to Max.

Keep playing Papa’s accordion.

Don’t let yourself get mad.

Of course, some rules are easier to follow than others. Post is still very slow, and sometimes the call for sleep overtakes the promise to give the accordion another go (Papa always said he would never be as good as Max’s papa. She will never be as good as her Papa. Each set of hands that the instrument touches can never fit into the grooves created by the pair before it).

And sometimes, no matter how much she tries to shove it down, the heat and pain in her chest grows so large and overwhelming that she can’t help it. She rages. She storms. She cries and yells and curses and hates. Fuck Hitler. Fuck the war. Fuck the English and the Americans and the Germans and the world. Fuck the planes, fuck the bombs. Fuck Himmel Street. Fuck Papa for coming home early enough to die. Fuck Mama for not being in the basement with her. Fuck Rudy for not going to the Aryan school. 

“Do you think they’ll come back for you?” She asked him. “Your papa isn’t here anymore. What if they come back and try to take you away again?”

“They’ll have to catch me first. And no one,” Rudy grinned jumped onto the brick wall beside them. “NO ONE COULD EVER CATCH THE FASTEST MAN IN THE WORLD - JESSE OWENS!”

Liesel sniffed and continued walking, leaving the boy behind. “I could catch you.” She heard the clopping of shoes catching up to her, and the clumsy, restless body was once again beside her.

“Well, yeah. But-” Rudy shrugged. “That’s because I’d want you to.” Liesel didn’t replying, letting him stew it out a little longer. “Come on, saumensch. Stop worrying. They couldn’t take me away.” He skipped forward a little and turned around, stopping right in front of Liesel. 

“I’m right here,” he said, with more seriousness in his voice. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Liesel held his gaze, long enough to understand that he was making a promise to her. She narrowed her eyes, and finally spoke up.

“You’re going to have to go a step to the left if you don’t want me to push you over, saukerl.”

Fuck Rudy. For being a filthy, lying saukerl that couldn’t keep what should’ve been the most important promise he ever made. For slipping away from the world, talking his sisters and brothers and mother with him. For leaving his father a vacant, broken man who has to give himself daily rules so he can remember that there is still some semblance of happiness left in this shitstack world. For not waiting for Liesel’s kiss. He only had to wait just the tiniest bit longer. She would have given it to him. She wanted to, she thought about it. He just had to wait. And he didn’t.