#me@bean

isak@even is actually me@my boyfriend — he's actually the cutest dorkiest person alive and i don't know how to deal with it

but tonight i've just been hit by this massive wave of simply wanting to talk to him. i just miss having someone to have for simple, silly laughs. i never became dependent on him to help me through big things — we never got close enough for that sort of thing, but over that time i knew him i learned to rely on him to tell me random science facts or send pictures of his dogs when he knew i was stressed out or in a bad mood. i miss the way he'd pull me in for a hug when we were cuddling and then roll on me and kiss the top of my head or pull me on him. i miss how he was always so kind and polite; i even miss him over-apologizing for the simplest of things when he really didn't need to. i miss his mom and his dogs, they'd always be so happy to see me. i miss his family and how they always made me feel welcome. i miss his home and how it was always warm, unlike my house that constantly has me shivering. i even miss him apologizing for how bad he was at texting. i miss having a person just there. i know things are better off this way, but on nights like tonight when the loneliness is crushing me the concept of this "being better" just doesn't cut it. but i'll make it through the night without texting him and in the morning i'll go back to having him cross my mind every once in a while — wondering if he ever thinks of me and misses any of the same things i do