#mdconfessions

Hi!

Sorry for the late response. I've been crazy inactive on this blog so I haven't been super on top of my inbox.

Here's a link to my resources page: https://mdconfessions.tumblr.com/Resources

There's so much on there about managing MD or figuring out how to quit MD. Please do check out the links to the websites. They are crazy helpful.

Honestly, my biggest piece of advice to you is to try and rediscover who you are and the things that make you unique as opposed to the person you are when you daydream. This could look like trying old hobbies again, finding new hobbies, exploring new places (whether that's a walk 10 minutes from home or something more adventurous), reading old journals, trying on new outfits, etc. When you notice things that are the true you, things that define you outside of your MD, take note of them. Repeat the things that help you remember this part of you. Latch on to them. It's going to take a lot of perseverance and determination to do these things over daydreaming, but the more you rediscover of yourself, the more you'll love it.

Originally posted by @mdconfessions

This post is kinda old but I found it and thought it would be a cool way to kind of introduce myself. So I’ll just try to answer as many of these as I can.

1. For those of you whose daydreams occur in chronological order: How long do you think it’d take to run through the entire thing? A day? A week? A month? Longer?

I don’t daydream chronologically so I can’t answer this.

2.How many paras do you have currently? Can you even count them?

It’s hard to count them, but I’d say that, along with my parame, there are around 12 main girls, 10 main boys, and a whole bunch of other side paras.

3.Do you have one main dreamworld or several dreamworlds, all equally important, existing at once?

One main dreamworld, and sometimes other ones pop out, but they don’t have nearly as much detail as the main one.

4.What is the longest amount of time you’ve spent daydreaming? Do you normally daydream this long? Did it happen accidentally or was it planned?

The longest time is probably around 6-7 hours. I don’t usually daydream for this long.

5.Have you told anyone (besides the online community) about your MD? Friends, family, therapists, etc.?

I haven’t yet, but I plan to in the future.

6.If you have told someone in your life about your MD, how did they take it? Were they understanding and interested or did they brush it off like it was nothing? Did they downplay your MD or ask you if you wanted help?

Haven’t told anyone

7.Are the majority of your paras a specific gender?

Not really, they’re pretty equal.

8. Have you ever had a daydream crash? If so, what happened? Do you have daydream crashes often?

I have daydream crashes all the time. They’re not always that bad but i just get this feeling of “it’s never gonna be real”

9. What aspect of your life does your MD affect the most? Social life? Grades? Relations with family?

Probably my social life. I have cancelled plans and kind of isolate myself because of daydreaming

10. Have you learned to control your daydreams? If so, how? If not, do you want to or why haven’t you?

For the most part I can control my daydreams pretty well. Not always, though.

11.Have you had the same paras and dreamworlds since you were young (or started daydreaming) or have you moved on to different paras/dreamworlds?

When I first started daydreaming I barely had any paras, so none of my paras are from back then.

12.What kind of music triggers your daydreams the most? Country? Pop? Rock? Rap? Classical? All genres? What other kinds of things trigger you? Events? People? Art? Etc.?

Any type of music can trigger me if it has the right lyrics and ryhthm. Other things that trigger me include books, movies, TV shows, and irl conversations.

13.If you’ve had several different paras over the years: Have you ever reused para names? (Eg. I had a childhood para named Benjamin and a few years ago I had a para named Benjamin but they were two totally different paras. They just happened to have the same name).

i don’t think I’ve ever reused a para name. Kind of, but not really

14. Have you identified reasons why you may have maladaptive daydreaming? Childhood abuse? Emotional negligence? Loneliness? Boredom? If not… do you want to know?

Mostly I think it’s because I’m an introvert so it may have started from boredom or loneliness.

15. Do your paras have similar personalities or very contrasting personalities? What about your own personality compared to your para’s? Do you and your paras have similar personalities?

Most of my paras have pretty different personalities. My parame and I are also pretty different, but there are things that are similar about us.

16. Do you have any paras that are nameless? (Eg. For some reason the bad guys in my dreamworlds don’t actually have names…weird right?).

Sometimes, but they usually dont last very long.

17. How did you find out about your MD? Was it difficult or embarrassing coming to terms with it?

I found out while looking up my symptoms online. It was cool to find out that I wasn’t the only person who did it.

18. How long have you known about your MD?

I’ve known about it for about two years.

19.Do you have favourite places to daydream?  Your room? Outside? Childhood playhouse? Shower?

Mostly my bedroom. If I’m home alone, I like to daydream in my living room.

20.What’s the main thing you do while daydreaming? Pacing? Rocking back and forth? Spinning? Dancing? Swinging? Etc? Or are you more of the sit still/trance-like kind of daydreamer?

Mostly pacing.

21. Do some of your paras have similar roles/occupations? (Eg. Many of my paras are doctors for some strange reason… maybe because my paras get hurt a lot!)

Not really. There are a bunch who work at the same coffee shop.

22. Are your paras the same age as you or are they younger/older?

Most are around the same age as me.

23. If you are trying to control your daydreams: do you schedule specific times to daydream? (Eg. While on the bus to school/work, before bed, in the shower, while cutting the lawn, etc.?).

I don’t really schedule, but I like to let myself daydream right when I wake up, right after school, and before bed.

24. What career do you want/have and why? Is your (desired) career choice based mainly on your MD or not? (Eg. I want to go through to be a writer because I channel/control my MD by writing).

My desired career isn’t based on my MaDD

25. Do you daydream about yourself? Or do your daydreams include characters from TV shows/books/characters of your own creation?

I have my paras and I sometimes daydream about TV or movie characters.

26. What content do your most violent daydreams feature?Torture? Rape? Etc. (If you choose to answer this question I would really appreciate if you avoid going into too much detail just to stay on the safe side.Thanks!)

General violence, kidnapping, and torture.

(@mdconfessions provided a list of questions regarding having maladaptive daydreaming disorder and I hope you don’t mind but I answered them!)

For those of you whose daydreams occur in chronological order: How long do you think it’d take to run through the entire thing? A day? A week? A month? Longer?

Honestly? I have no idea. Possibly, a lifetime.

How many paras do you have currently? Can you even count them?  2 parames + 20+ paras

Do you have one main dreamworld or several dreamworlds, all equally important, existing at once? 

I have two main dreamworlds and they are equally important and existing at the same time. However, it's really hard to be on both of them at the same time.

What is the longest amount of time you’ve spent daydreaming? Do you normally daydream this long? Did it happen accidentally or was it planned?

7 hours non-stop. Non-stop, no. I had planned but I didn't thought it would take this longer.

Have you told anyone (besides the online community) about your MD? Friends, family, therapists, etc.? Yes. Three friends and a psychiatrist. If you have told someone in your life about your MD, how did they take it? Were they understanding and interested or did they brush it off like it was nothing? My friends were amazed by that. My psychiatrist thought that it was nothing. Did they downplay your MD or ask you if you wanted help? Each one of my friends created their paras so they could fit inside the dreamworld, and now they are part of it. (One of my friends got really excited and wrote the whole story of my para and his.)

Are the majority of your paras a specific gender? Not really.

Have you ever had a daydream crash? Yes If so, what happened? I can't even describe it. Do you have daydream crashes often? Every couple of months

What aspect of your life does your MD affect the most? Social life?

Not that much.

Grades?

YES Y E S yes especially now that i'm at uni omg and the closer it gets to the assignment due date, the worse it gets.

Relations with family?

Nah, they are used to it. I feel that I started to daydream to get away from them.

Have you learned to control your daydreams? If so, how?

 What do you mean by control? The ability to decide when you daydream? Sometimes i'm lucky. 

Or to control what happens in the dreamworld? Yes. But not always. Sometimes my brain accepts suggestions but sometimes it don't. 

How? By forcing it. Being really stubborn. If not, do you want to or why haven’t you? Yes, so I can daydream whenever I want.

Have you had the same paras and dreamworlds since you were young (or started daydreaming) or have you moved on to different paras/dreamworlds?  Y...es I guess. It started as random daydreams with similar plots that thought the years became two dreamworlds.

What kind of music triggers your daydreams the most? Country? Pop? Rock? Rap? Classical? All genres? All genres. Especially the lyrics. What other kinds of things trigger you? Events? Yes. People? Sometimes Art? Etc.? Books, tv series, movies. Music charts (like Top 100), events (VMA, Grammys), anything related to the music industry triggers one of my dreamworlds.

If you’ve had several different paras over the years: Have you ever reused para names? (Eg. I had a childhood para named Benjamin and a few years ago I had a para named Benjamin but they were two totally different paras. They just happened to have the same name). Not in the same dreamworld.

Have you identified reasons why you may have maladaptive daydreaming? Childhood abuse? Emotional negligence? Loneliness? Boredom? If not… do you want to know? Definitely childhood abuse + emotional negligence + loneliness

Do your paras have similar personalities or very contrasting personalities? All types of personality that exist in the world.  What about your own personality compared to your para’s? Very similar. With every single flaw. Do you and your paras have similar personalities? Only with my parames.

Do you have any paras that are nameless? (Eg. For some reason the bad guys in my dreamworlds don’t actually have names…weird right?). No.

How did you find out about your MD? Was it difficult or embarrassing coming to terms with it? How long have you known about your MD? I have this since I was a child but I only discover that it had a name like... five years ago while I was googling about the personality disorder that I have. (Avoidant)

Do you have favourite places to daydream? Your room? Outside? Childhood playhouse? Shower? My room, shower and in the car/bus.

What’s the main thing you do while daydreaming? Pacing? Rocking back and forth? Spinning? Dancing? Swinging? Etc? Or are you more of the sit still/trance-like kind of daydreamer? Pacing, dancing, sit-still and laying down are my faves.

Do some of your paras have similar roles/occupations? (Eg. Many of my paras are doctors for some strange reason… maybe because my paras get hurt a lot!) 

Many of my paras are supernatural creatures or singers/actors

Are your paras the same age as you or are they younger/older? All ages.

If you are trying to control your daydreams: do you schedule specific times to daydream? Yes, while on the bus to school/work, before bed, in the shower

What career do you want/have and why? I want to be a singer but I'm a chemist. Is your (desired) career choice based mainly on your MD or not? (Eg. I want to go through to be a writer because I channel/control my MD by writing). Not really. But since my biggest dream is to be a singer, my parame is a famous singer but also a chemist because reality also has its way to mix with the dreamworld.

Do you daydream about yourself? Or do your daydreams include characters from TV shows/books/characters of your own creation?

Better version of me + characters from TV shows/books/characters of my own creation = my daydreams

Hey Anon!

Sorry for the wait! (I feel like I say that with every ask but I just haven’t been super active lately!)

I think it’s totally normal to get a rush while daydreaming a certain scenario. I totally do it all the time. In fact, I have about 3 very particular scenes that I often replay a gazillion and one times just because I get a rush every time I do. It definitely affects my mental health sometimes... which really sucks. 

Me: *Going about doing life*

[Parents argue]

Me: *My character immediately suffers and I fix them* Ah! All better! 

Mom: I'm sorry for fighting. Are you sad?

Me: *Mentally hugging my all-fixed character* Nope!

Hey Anon!

As per usual, sorry for the late response. I saw your ask in my inbox and just haven't had the time to get to it until now.

Oh my goodness my main para is a literal Mary Sue too! And I really don't care ;). My side paras haven't changed though, but for sure my main para is one I will always go back to forever!

Hey Anon! 

Trying to figure out if maladaptive daydreaming applies to you is a tricky thing to do. I do want to point out that there is something called immersive daydreaming. Immersive daydreamers often have a lot of overlapping behaviour with maladaptive daydreamers: the big difference is that their daydreaming doesn’t cause them distress in some sort of way. But they might have super intricate daydreams or really enjoy daydreaming as much as someone with Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder. 

Now, with that in mind, it really comes down to if MD affects you negatively or not. MD can exist on a spectrum, in a sense, so it is sometimes hard to define. It looks very different for different people. For example, for me, my MD mostly affects my personal and religious life. I’ve never had an issue with my grades— ever. I also don’t have a difficult time focussing when it comes to school/job related tasks. I’m able to push my daydreaming aside to complete these tasks normally. Now, the content of my daydreams do cause me distress. They are often very dark and sometimes sexual and it scares me to think that I enjoy daydreaming things like that. Also, I have a hard time focussing around my family members and in certain settings that I usually allocate to daydreaming. Because of this, my personal and religious life suffers. I also daydream excessively before bed and can’t do certain tasks without daydreaming. Because of these key defining features (and a few more I won’t get into), I do classify myself as a Maladaptive Daydreamer. However, there are times when my daydreaming is pretty good (in fact, I may go a whole month or two where I don’t find my daydreams distressing in any way). This is becoming more and more frequent, and it is then that I start to consider if I might be more of an immersive daydreamer than a maladaptive daydreamer. Unfortunately, I usually do hit a rut and end up regressing to my negative habits that cause issues in my life. Because of this, I’ve never totally considered myself an immersive daydreamer over a maladaptive one, simply because daydreaming without negative effects has never been consistent in my life. However, I probably would consider myself as the “milder” end of the maladaptive daydreaming spectrum. I know of many people who have a much more difficult time functioning everyday because of their daydreams. 

Now, after that super long example, I think for yourself, it really comes down to self reflection. Do you daydreams every make you upset or distressed? Do they ever impair any aspect of your life, whether that is personally, professionally, religiously? @madd-information has some great info on their page about maladaptive daydreaming. I’d encourage you to research it a bit, and figure out how much it applies to you. Also, if you classify yourself as an immersive daydreaming, that’s totally okay too! You are still welcome in the community and feel free to participate on my blog (and I’m sure others as well). 

I also want to briefly discuss being an immersive daydreamer with maladaptive tendencies. I’m not sure if this has been discussed by anyone or ever mentioned in the Maladaptive daydreaming community, but I feel like it is entirely possible to be an immersive daydreamer whose daydreams once and a while cause issues or distress, but very infrequently. The average person sometimes thinks things that cause them mild distress or make them uncomfortable. In the same way, I’d think that it’s entirely possible for an immersive daydreamer to love their daydreams and once and while have some negative emotions thrown in there. I’m not sure if that makes sense, and if any immersive daydreamers would like to comment on this, feel free! 

I wish you all the best in trying to figure out where you might fall. Feel free to reach out more if you have more questions! I hope this was helpful and not just one giant ramble.