#mcstern

I’M DOING BOTH SETS BECAUSE THAT’S MAH SHIP. Hmph.

"You should join me."

By the time Marlene woke the next morning, there was already sunlight streaming in from the window where they'd been so wrapped up they forgot to close the curtains. It took her a moment, in her sleepy haze, to figure out exactly where she was. This didn't look like her bedroom at the manor, certainly, and it looked nothing like the hotel room she'd been half-expecting to wake up to.

She felt someone shifting behind her and glanced over her shoulder, feeling a warm smile stretch across her face when she realized it was, in fact, Elias Hawkstern's bedroom, in Elias Hawkstern's house, and that it hadn't been a dream after all. He was still asleep, and Marlene quite liked the look of it on him. He looked so peaceful to her; so happy. None of the usual worry was obscuring his eyes, making him look older than normal. It was a sight that she could get used to, she realized, and her smile only grew.

But she was restless. Once she was awake, she didn't like staying in bed. So with a quick kiss to his forehead she wiggled out of his grasp, chuckling softly as he made a face at her in his sleep, before glancing around the room for the first time. It was rather tidy, just like she'd expected, and it felt so inviting, so lived in, unlike her bedroom at the manor. She took a quick glance down at herself, frowning as she realized that all of her luggage was at the hotel still. They'd need to go back and get it, but she didn't feel like wearing her dress again. So she grabbed one of his shirts, buttoning it quickly and trying not to laugh. Elias wasn't a large man, but his shirt hung rather loose over her thin frame. It was quite comical, really.

She crept into the kitchen, trying to make as little noise as possible. Wanting to do something for him, Marlene opened the refrigerator carefully, grabbing eggs other various ingredients. She knew he'd wake up the minute she started cooking (she wasn't exactly quiet), but she wanted to give him a few more minutes as she set to work, mixing everything together and using a combination of magic and her own handiwork to get things moving.

By the time she heard footsteps coming down the hall, she was nearly done with the bacon and pancakes. Just the eggs left, and she'd been waiting for him to wake up so they wouldn't get cold and soft. "Morning," she whispered to him, still standing at the stove when she felt his hands on her waist. She leaned up and kissed his cheek softly, pulling back with a smile. "I'm almost done."

The moment Elias had asked her to spend some time with him at the cottage he was staying at for the wedding, Marlene had leaped at the chance. They'd not really gotten that much alone time... ever, really, without having to sneak around and constantly be alert for anyone approaching. She knew that most people wouldn't understand: he was a teacher, a little over thirteen years her senior. But he didn't seem it, and he never had. 

But as the night went on, as Elias smeared cake on her nose and kissed her sweetly on the dance floor, she began to doubt herself. Despite knowing that he hadn't asked her solely to get her on her own to attempt to get her into bed, she wasn't exactly sure what would be expected of her. Would he expect her to willingly sleep with him? Was she supposed to be charming and witty and make him fall in love with her? Were they just going to sit around and drink tea and discuss little things?

It wasn't that she didn't want to shag him. She did, very much. But she also knew that immediately jumping into it could have the potential to ruin what they already had, and Marlene would rather hex herself than fuck up again. But if she didn't show an interest in the physical aspect of their relationship, would he think she didn't want him?

She'd never had to worry about this before. Elias was her first real relationship, the first man she'd ever actually 'dated.' These worries and fears were completely foreign to her, and they plagued her the entire journey from the reception to his little cottage.

Follow his lead, a little voice in her head encouraged. Funny how that voice sounded just like Mary. Go with whatever he does. It can't be that hard. If Barty Crouch can do it, you can do it. 

It had been three months since Marlene had last spoken to Professor Hawkstern as Elias.

She missed him dearly. She always kept a close eye on him, of course, because that's what she did. There were a million little eyes, dozens of spies she'd had doing her bidding for those last three months (eighty-seven days, technically, but she wasn't counting. Absolutely not). She'd slept with Gilderoy in an effort to lift her spirits and get her back into the game, but her heart just wasn't in it. She missed Elias too much.

So when the owl came tapping at her window, too early for the sun to have risen and the rest of her roommates to wake up, baring a note in an unfamiliar scrawl, Marlene wasn't expecting much.

Hawkstern resigned.

That's all it said. Two words, no signature. Nothing but scratched ink and torn, ratty parchment. But it was enough to give her hope. 

If Elias had resigned... if he really had, and this wasn't just some cruel joke (most likely played by Bellatrix or one of her minions), that meant she stood a chance. She was seventeen now, of legal age to date him, and without the student/teacher barrier hindering them, there was nothing to stop them. 

Unless he didn't feel the same.

She didn't even glance at the clock as she pulled on her cloak and stumbled into the first pair of shoes she could find. If she had, she would've realized just how early it truly was, and how socially unacceptable it was to call on someone that early (4:26am), and she would have lost her nerve. As it was, she was shaking the entire way down to his office, although she attributed it to the cold. Wrapping her cloak tightly around her, smiling slightly at the small sliver of firelight flooding out from under the door, Marlene knocked twice, chewing anxiously on her lip as she heard him shuffle around before opening the door.

"Miss McKinnon!" he exclaimed before pulling her inside quickly. "What... what are you doing here?"

"You resigned." It wasn't a question, and from the look on his face, it wasn't a joke either. "Did you really?"

"I did." Quietly, as though saying the words cemented the reality of them, he responded to her, not looking in her eyes. It lessened her certainty just a little, but not enough to stop her from going on.

"Are you officially no longer a professor, or do you have some kind of severance period?"

This time, he merely pointed at a small envelope on the desk, not bothering with words. Marlene picked it up quickly, scanning through it. Dumbledore was sad to see him go, but he understood that the position was too taxing and demanding for someone with emotional issues, and that he'd be happy to welcome him back whenever he decided to return. And that he'd pay him the rest of his salary.

Letting the parchment fall from her hands, she spun to face him, a little startled to discover that he'd moved closer. She stared at him, first in confusion and then in hunger before quickly closing the space between them and throwing her arms around his neck.

She kissed him softly at first, getting reacquainted with the feel of it and waiting for his response, and then quite deeply when he gave in with a groan and wrapped his hands around her waist.

"I love you," she whispered, breaking away for a small breath of air. Her entire body  was tense, having never actually said those words to him before. He paused, just for a beat, and just as her body began to wilt in disappointment, he muttered them back to her.

The best thing about being stuck in the hospital with James (and Sirius, now that he was awake) was that Marlene was rarely bored during the day. They were quite the amusing duo, and even if she was just a spectator to their antics, it made her feel normal. They joked and fought and pretended to be lovers, and Marlene just watched and smiled. It was like a vacation with two of her best friends, except she was trapped instead of free.

But they didn't have the nightmares.

Night after night, Marlene woke up in a cold sweat with a scream stuck in her throat. She could still feel the pain aching in her bones, even now, days later. Her hand served as an almost constant reminder of what had happened to her, and she almost couldn't stand it anymore. It wasn't fair; she, James, and Sirius were good people. It didn't make sense.

She woke up for the sixth night in a row, much as before, with tears streaming steadily down her face and cold beads of sweat slowly running down the back of her neck. She glanced over at James and Sirius' beds, pulling her knees tightly to her chest when she realized they were still asleep. It was just like them; go hard during the day, sleep like rocks at night, she thought with a small smile. 

She watched the moon dance across the sky for what seemed like eons, thinking about her injury and wondering what had happened. What had she told her attacker? She was certainly keeping a lot of secrets lately, and ones that could get other people in trouble at that...

Elias was right. They couldn't possibly last, not through her next two years of school if he stayed on as a teacher. But even knowing that, Marlene couldn't bear to let go. She'd gotten a taste of what everyone said she could have, and she wanted to keep it; it was selfish, but she secretly believed that he needed her right now.

He needed to know he wasn't damaged beyond repair.

Quietly, so as not to wake her hospital mates, Marlene pulled a piece of parchment and a quill from her bedside table and began to scribble.

Elias,

I'm fairly certain you're done with me by now, seeing as how we left it. But I just wanted you to know that... that I'm here. That I will always be here.

I'm not Cecilia, although I sort of wish I could be for you. I'm Marlene, an impulsive, idiotic girl who can't control her own tongue or temper. And I care for you. A great deal, actually; so much so that it scares me.

You don't have to suffer alone.

Yours, Marlene

It was short; it was brief. It wasn't the long, drawn out love letter she'd been planning. But she was satisfied. She folded it up carefully and stuffed it under her pillow. The owlery would be open in the morning, and she'd send it then. For now, she needed to sleep. She could already see the sky beginning to lose the deep black of night.