#mckirkmodern

Ive been binging Lucifer, so… Lucifer AU:

Jim’s fingers play idly over the piano keys, and he hums quietly and contently along with the music. His club is packed, despite it not being a club night. They come to see him perform, and perhaps these few moments his mind clear from the troubling feeling in his gut that he isn’t supposed to be here. Isn’t allowed to walk among these people. "Excuse me,“ a guy says, interrupting Jim playing, and Jim looks both amused and annoyed at the one bold enough to do so, “I’m looking for the owner of this place.” “Well, handsome, you got ‘em,” Jim replies, fingers still playing some mindless tunes, and he glances the other up and down in a way that’s less than subtle. “I need to ask you a couple questions,” the man says, and Jim huffs. “Take me on a date and you can ask me anything.” “Funny,” the other replies, and then he pulls out a police badge from his jacket. “Oh, a police officer-” “A detective,” the officer, Leonard McCoy according to his badge, tells him, “I want to ask you a couple questions about the shooting that took place outside your club last night.”

In Jim’s office, the sounds coming from either the stage or the DJ booth are drowned out, and Jim turns to Leonard in their privacy. “Anyone ever call you ‘Officer Handsome’? Because they should.” “No,” Leonard replies, “this club is registered under the name ‘Lucifer’. That’s your stage name, right?” “No,” Jim laughs, “that’s my real name. Jim Kirk is my stage name, if you want to call it that. You can call me anything, by the way.” “Okay, Jim,” Leonard starts, “care to explain to me why you were involved in the shooting outside your club, littered with bullets, and yet you stand in front of me with not a scratch on you?” “What can I say,” Jim says, “I’m the devil.” “I’m serious,” Leonard says. “So am I,” Jim replies, “c'mon, detective. I got shot. A girl is dead. Have you found the shooter yet?” “Shooter, so there’s only one?” Leonard asks, “can you describe them to me?” “You haven’t even found them yet?” “That’s why I’m here, Jim,” Leonard says, “I’d much rather be anywhere than a shady club.” “Shady? LUX is a good establishment, thank you very much. And seeing as you’re so incompetent in doing your job, I’m just gonna have to tag along with you.”

Leonard doesn’t allow Jim to tag along, but with a bit of snooping around on his own, Jim actually finds one of the suspects before Leonard does. Before he can get some info out of him, or send him straight to Hell, though, Leonard does enter the scene, and he looks both surprised and pissed off to see Jim there. “Jim? By God-” “No, he’s got nothing to do with it,” Jim promises, “you took too long, so I went on my own. Believe this is the shooter.” “How do you know?” Leonard asks. “Oh, I’m very persuasive,” Jim replies, and then he turns to the suspect, “because you’d shoot an innocent girl, wouldn’t you?” “Yes,” the man replies. “Why?” Jim presses, and the suspect gives him everything. Talked into it by an ambitious and jealous girlfriend, an act of love for a woman he was sure was already cheating on him anyways. Leonard listens, flabbergasted at all the details, and then quickly makes the arrest.

“How did you do that?” Leonard asks Jim later that evening. They’re back in Jim’s club, quietly at the bar, and Leonard’s enjoying a good whiskey. “I’m the Devil,” Jim says, “making people speak up about their desires and misbehaviour is what I do best.” “All this devil crap,” Leonard huffs. “No, I’ll prove it to you,” Jim says, and he sits up straight. He makes Leonard face him, and looks deeply into the other’s eyes. “Tell me, detective, what is it your heart desires most?” “Well,” Leonard sighs, “I guess what I really want is a… a long, warm bath, so I can drown myself and get away from your bullshit.” Jim is visibly taken aback by that at first, and Leonard laughs, sipping his whiskey victoriously. This has always worked, without fail. How come this man is immune to him? Jim glances at him suspiciously, and then smiles. “Fascinating,” he says, and with that, decides he’s gonna stay close to figure this man out.

So Jim joins him; does his own version of crime fighting, showing up and pestering this detective into solving crimes until he’s hired as a Civilian Consultant. He’s not really in it for the fighting of crime, but he’s a punisher, and punishing he does. All behind Leonard’s back, though he’s not exactly subtle about being the Devil. He shows up at Leonard’s crime scenes, somehow stumbles into finding the solutions to these murders before the police does, and he helps Leonard solving them. Purely for selfish reasons, of course. Leonard is good looking, he’s pleasant to be around, and there’s a certain rush he’s not familiar with when he does semi-good deeds. Well, that is, if those good deeds are geared towards Leonard.

“What are you doing here?” Leonard asks when Jim shows up at his house at night. It’s a warm California evening, and Leonard looks so good in a simple t-shirt and comfort shorts. “Detective, I’m here to have sex with you,” Jim explains simply. Leonard laughs, genuinely laughs, and then: “No.” “But Leonard, there’s something about you.. I think we ought to bang it out, and maybe then you stop malfunctioning and start reacting like humans should.” “You wanna know how I resist you?” Leonard asks, leaning casually against the doorpost. “Oh, desperately,” Jim replies. “It’s impossible to fall for your charms when you don’t have any,” Leonard says simply, and then he turns around and closes the door in Jim’s face. “See you at work, Jim!” Jim hears the other call through the wooden door.

But then things go wrong - as they not often do in Jim’s life. He gets what he wants from the people he wants it from, he’s a successful club owner in downtown Los Angeles, he works together with a guy he finds absolutely fascinating. Partially, because around Leonard, he finds out the hard way, Jim can be hurt. Literally, he’s mortal. He bleeds when he gets shot in the leg and is treated in the hospital, but when Leonard leaves him at night to go home to his daughter, the wound is gone.

That’s not all. Someone has targeted Leonard; actively trying to sabotage him and taking his life. Jim has watched Leonard’s car being blown up with the two of them nearby, though non-fatal, Leonard has a few mean burn wounds to show for. And Jim can’t have that. Because for all of him being the Devil, the dark lord, Satan, and whatever else you want to call him, Jim only wants to see the bad people suffer. And Leonard is grumpy, permanently tired, always calling Jim out, and refuses to sleep with him, but Leonard is also just inherently very good, and Jim can’t see him hurt. Even just a few burn wounds. No sir.

So he finds Leonard’s assailant in an abandoned warehouse. And the gun in the man’s hand doesn’t scare him, because when Leonard isn’t around, Jim is his immortal self. “What are you gonna do, shoot me?” Jim asks the bad guy with a smug smile, “you’ll find I’m pretty hard to kill. And I promise you, I’ll drag you down to Hell myself for a torture session that’ll last til the end of next century-” he’s silenced by the gunshot, loud and ringing in his ears. And initially he laughs, because what’s this idiot thinking? But then there’s a deep pain in his abdomen, warm blood seeping out of the wound, and Jim looks down in surprise. “How?” He asks, but he finds that question answered quickly. “Jim!” Leonard calls out, rushing towards Jim as the other steadily gets weak in the knees, “Jesus Christ, what were you thinking?!” Jim glances in Leonard’s direction, smiling lightly as the other holds him tight. The pain is leaving his body along with the blood, and he feels almost pleasantly numb. “I need to punish those who deserve it. If anyone deserves it, it’s whoever dares laying a finger on you,” Jim replies, aware there’s tears in Leonard’s eyes. “Yours a fucking idiot,” Leonard says, and Jim grins weakly. “Yeah,” he says, “you’ve told me that before.”

A bullet narrowly missing the two of them sends Leonard away from Jim’s side. Out to get the killer. Jim promises he can hold out til then, but he knows he’s dying quickly. “God… dad,” he croaks out quietly, “I know I don’t deserve it for abandoning my throne and my duties, but I’m asking you for one favor. One tiny… Tiny thing. Spare Leonard. Let him go home to his daughter tonight. And I’ll do anything.” And like that, he’s dead.

Hell still looks pretty much the same. No big deal. Jim thinks he better go back to take his position on the throne, then. Rule the underworld for another millennia or two before another escape attempt will arise. But when he walks towards his throne, he realizes it’s eerily quiet out here. No screaming, no crying, no souls begging for forgiveness. And what’s worse, he notices, the Gates are wide open. That means a lot of bad souls have touched Earth again. But more importantly, that means Jim, too, can walk back out. He hesitates, for maybe a second or two. Then, he walks out, closing the Gates behind him.

Bones looks so good; a dark blue suit and a black tie; Starfleet insignia pinned to his chest. Jim reaches out to touch it, grinning when the other rolls his eyes. "Can we go inside or what?" Bones asks, nodding towards the doors to the reception hall, and Jim nods. "Can you at least try and pretend to be happy to be with me?" Jim asks, "I really need tonight to work." "Did I mention you're a terrible person?" “All the time,” Jim says, and Bones huffs. “Okay, let’s go inside.”

It's like the flip of a switch the moment they get inside. Bones' arm is around Jim's waist and he's smiling. He's greeting Jim's family members and he's laughing at bad jokes and, surprisingly, he doesn't drink a lot. Jim's surprised, pleasantly so, at this stranger on his arm. "James!" Winona said, cupping Jim's cheeks and kissing his forehead like she always does. "Mom," Jim said, catching Leonard smirking from the corner of his eyes. "Mom," Jim continues, "this is-" "I know who this is," his mother says, "I knew the two of you would eventually get together. You should’ve told me sooner, though." "You... what?" Jim asks. "Well, obviously the two of you are dating. You’ve been “roommates” since the Academy," she says, and Leonard smiles. "I can't believe you didn't even tell your mother about us, Jim, oh my God,” he says, and Jim feels terribly lost. 

Leonard tells Jim’s family about their incredibly romantic dates they went on, made up out of thin air. He kisses Jim’s cheek before he leaves to grab another drink. He’s constantly reaching out for Jim’s hand, or his arm, or his waist, anything. And he doesn’t even hesitate when Jim pulls him to the dance floor.  “What is all this?” Jim asks, sliding his arms around Bones’ shoulders, “I’ve never seen this side of you.” “Well, you know, countless years pretending to like my in-laws, I can do this,” Bones says, and Jim laughs. “What about that date we were describing? Stargazing at the Golden Gate Bridge? What secret romantic is hiding inside that grumpy exterior?” “Nothing secret about it, you literally call me Mr. Sensitive all the time,” Bones points out, and Jim nods. “That’s fair,” Jim says, and he smiles fondly at the other. Being this close to Bones, he finds himself thinking about kissing him. But they haven’t yet, other than cheeks, and this is different. Jim catches himself having feelings, and Bones looks so good. The other pulls away before Jim can do anything regrettable and impulsive, though, and with a conflicted mind, Jim watches him leave.

“Hey,” Sam says as he approaches Jim, and Jim smiles. “If it isn’t the groom. Congratulations,” he says, patting Sam’s shoulder, and then he pulls him into a quick hug. “You too,” Sam says, and Jim raises an eyebrow. “Huh?” “You and your doctor,” Sam says, “I gotta admit, I thought you were going to get an escort just to get back at me for being better at relationships than you.” “What? I would never do that,” Jim says, grinning stupidly. “I can tell. You look more in love with Leonard than I’m with my wife, and her and I are a for-life deal.” “Ha, yeah,” Jim says, and then: “wait, what?” "I see the looks you two give each other," Sam says, nudging Jim's shoulder, "that's how you know it’s for real." Jim glances in Bones' direction, who's speaking with Jim's mother, and when he catches Jim looking, he smiles lightly before turning back to the conversation with Winona. 

Jim promises he's going to help clean up afterwards. He walks Bones outside, only letting go of his hand once they were out of sight from most family members. "Thank you for this," Jim says quietly, and Bones shrugs. "It's okay, I had fun," he says, "you know that if you're going to clean up, I can help." "You've helped enough," Jim replies. He hesitates, and then adds: "You're really good at pretending." "Huh?" "You said you did this all the time, pretending to like your in-laws. It's really convincing. Even had me fooled," Jim explains, running a hand through his hair. "It helps that it's not all pretend," Bones replies, and Jim frowns. He studies the look in Bones' eyes, but he detects no annoyance or anger. No lies; instead, he smiles, possibly slightly intoxicated, and so Jim smiles, too. "Maybe we don't have to play pretend," Jim says, "we could just actually date." Bones laughs, and Jim feels the doctor's hands on his shoulders. "If this was your elaborate plan to get me to date you, you should know, it's ridiculous, and complicated. But, I guess, it did work," he says, and Jim grins. He reaches out, pulling Bones in closer, and he kisses him. Really kisses him, not just on his cheek.

“I love you,” Jim says, still a little drunkly so, and Bones rolls his eyes. “Drink your water,” he says, and Jim huffs. “Is it that horrible for me to say that I love you?” “No, that’s not horrible. Would’ve meant something back when we were still together, though,” Bones points out, putting a pillow down on the couch, combined with a comfortable blanket. “Lie down,” Bones says, grabbing Jim’s arm and guiding him to the couch, “just sleep out your hangover, and I’ll drop you off at your place first thing tomorrow morning.” “Bones-” “No.” “But Bones-” “No,” Bones says, “shut the hell up and go to sleep.”

Bones prepares a breakfast for Jim; eggs and orange juice for a quick pick-me-up. Jim silently appreciates it, eating it awkwardly in front of Bones. “You wanna tell me why you were really here last night?” Bones asks to break the silence, and Jim shrugs. “I just… I messed up a job, I got drunk. Momentary weakness.” “Hmm,” Bones says, “do you want to talk about it?” “Not really,” Jim replies to that. Bones rolls his eyes. “No, stupid of me to ask. You don’t talk about things, you just drink until you pass out and forget that making mistakes is a human thing people do.“ "You’re one to talk,” Jim scoffs, “you drink all the time when you mess up a surgery.” “I’m not the one showing up at your house in the middle of the night for a booty-call,” Bones counters, and Jim sighs. “A momentary weakness,” he insists, "I needed company last night, and I… I don’t really have anyone else.” Bones looks at him quietly, studying Jim’s face for a few seconds after the other stopped talking. “Pike’s case is still cold, then?” He asks, and Jim nods. “Thought I had Khan last night, but he slipped away.” “What happened that night was not your fault, Jim,” Bones says, “no one ever blamed you for not being able to save your captain.” He hesitates, and then reaches out to gently squeeze Jim’s hand, “come on, let me drive you back home. It’s better if you keep your distance from now, yeah?”

Seeing Bones doesn’t at all make Jim feel better, even though he thought he might have. Jim is miserable for a few days after seeing him again, and then he pulls himself back together. He works cases at the police station, quickly and efficiently, partnered with Uhura, only occasionally getting into trouble. Never enough to get hurt to the point he needs medical attention - he’s over that. And perhaps Bones is right. He has to keep his distance to get over that handsome, yet annoyingly grumpy doctor. 

“Why don’t you tell him?” Uhura asks one day, when they’re out on patrol. Uhura is driving, and Jim huffs, looking out of the window. “I don’t know what you’re on about.” “You can just tell McCoy that you’re still madly in love with him.” “I’m not,” Jim says. “You obviously still are,” Uhura says, “what did you do to lose him, anyway?” “Nothing,” Jim replies, briefly hesitating, and then he sighs, “nothing. That’s what I did. I did nothing. I got absorbed into Khan’s bullshit, and when Leonard needed me, I was too busy chasing dead leads.” “You can always just apologize,” Uhura says, and Jim huffs. “Yeah, that’ll make things better. No, I just need to get over him.”

So he tries, he really does, but leave it to Bones to get hurt just when Jim thinks he’s succeeding in that. It’s a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time - trying to protect a kid from getting shot, and he gets shot himself in the process. When Jim hears about it, he chases the guy down and makes sure to get him locked up for the rest of his life (with a few broken bones to remember him by) before he even dares to set foot in that hospital to check up on the other. 

It’s not that Bones sucks at carving, he’s just not creative nor patient enough for that shit. Plus, who cares about Halloween? Not Bones. Because Joanna spends Halloween with her mother. Or rather, win Jocelyn’s part of town, where she goes trick-or-treating with her friends. And Bones lives in an apartment, not on the streets. Who would pick apartments for trick or treating? No, Bones plans to do nothing for halloween. But that doesn’t mean he can escape Halloween the weekend before, when Joanna visits him.

“You are terrible at this,” Joanna laughs when she’s carving those pumpkins with her father; on a rainy afternoon the weekend before Halloween. Bones has produced nothing more than a few messy squares that don’t make a face nor any particular figure in the pumpkin. They both doubt it’ll even light up nicely on the windowsill. Joanna’s looks quite good, however, as always, because she’s the one source of creativity in Bones’ life, and she tends to be good at everything. Bones shrugs at her comment. “Perhaps, but I’m a terrific doctor,” he says, to which Joanna shrugs. “You can’t use your ‘I’m a doctor’ counterargument for everything, dad.” “When’s your friend coming?” Bones asks, to divert the subject, and she smiles knowingly at that. “In a minute. Why, are you eager to see his uncle?” “Why are you- no,” Bones replies.

But he is. Sam Kirk is a wonderful young boy, who’s smart, kind, and very intelligent. Not as much as Joanna, of course, but a close second, if he was ever to judge another kid. His uncle, though, it’s Sam’s uncle Bones truly takes an interest to. Jim Kirk is the type of guy who gets under Bones’ skin in the best way possible. A reckless cop, albeit a brilliant one, and he’s the kind of charming Bones would consider is very much not charming at all, and yet he’s very into it.

Jim gets there not much later, carrying at least another three pumpkins in his arms, and Bones groans at that. “More pumpkins? I thought just one was torture enough,” he says, getting up to serve Sam and Jim something to drink. “Judging by the look of your pumpkin, it went through more torture than you,” Jim replies. He grins when Joanna laughs and Bones rolls his eyes. “Let me put that terrible pumpkin of yours out of its misery and turn it into a pumpkin soup,” Jim says, to which Sam snorts. “You’ve never cooked a day in your life.” “I’ll cook it,” Bones says, “beats carving those flipping pumpkins.”

Bones thinks he’s escaped the horror that is pumpkin carving - and Halloween in general, because he has no plans but to relax on the couch with a good movie or a book. Instead, though, Jim invites him over for a “Spooky Dinner” and Halloween gathering. Bones thinks of declining. He likes Jim a lot, but he likes his couch almost as much. Jim, though, just a little bit more. 

So he shows up, in his white hospital coat because Jim told him to dress up for his super special Halloween party. Jim is dressed up like a world war one soldier. Something about that fake dirt on his cheeks makes his eyes look just a little brighter. “I told you to dress up!” Jim says, stepping outside to let Bones in. “I did, I’m a doctor,” Bones replies, to which Jim sighs, gently patting Bones’ cheek. “You’re gonna love this party, I promise. I prepared loads of food, there’s alcohol, and we’re gonna go pumpkin carving.” “Fantastic,” Bones replies, “I thought I was done with that crap for another year.” “Not on my watch,” Jim replies, guiding Bones towards the living room.

As far as Halloween goes, this is quite fun. All of Jim’s visitors are people Bones knows, too; Spock is a fellow doctor who treats Jim whenever Bones isn’t available. Uhura is Jim’s partner and she yelled at Bones for a long time when Jim got himself shot. Bones knows Chekov and Sulu because they’re teachers at the school Sam and Joanna attend. He knows Scotty only as the guy who yells at Jim a lot, something he can only agree with, but despite that, they seem quite friendly to each other. And whenever the doorbell rings, Jim goes to the door to compliment the kids and hand out bags of candy to them. Bones watches him in awe; a cop who’s seen as much shit as Jim, who’s been shot at, chased, threatened, and almost killed many a times. And yet, Jim is filled with such endless positivity and the need for people around him at all time. 

They play Halloween-themed games, which should be childish with a bunch of adults, but it’s really not. Jim makes sure they’re constantly surrounded by food. They play cards, Chekov and Sulu are playing Outlast on Jim’s TV, but there seems to be more screaming than actual progress - though Bones isn’t likely to take over any time soon. They’re carving pumpkins, and Jim sits next to Bones to help him do it because Bones is bored of it right after sliding the top off to take out the insides. “You’re terrible at this,” Jim laughs eventually, when Bones’ impatience cuts the pumpkin off too far, and it messes up the looks entirely. Probably functionality, too. “You sound like Joanna,” Bones says, and Jim grins. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing,” he replies, “she’s smarter than you, even.” Bones huffs at that.

Oooh!

Joanna isn’t looking for a guy, specifically. Just anyone clever and compassionate enough to deal with her miserable father. Bones doesn’t show it around her, but she can tell he’s down. Mom flaunts her new boyfriend at him when they meet, and though Leonard is over her, he’s not over being with someone. Of all people, though, she’s not necessarily giving Jim a second thought. After all, he’s her class’ museum tour guide, and she has a sneaking suspicion that all the knowledge he has of the museum is from “Night At The Museum”, instead of actual facts, but he sells it with confidence and a charming smile, and not a lot of people question him.

Joanna does tell him, though, when they’re alone because the others are running wild in the gift shop. “I know you’re a fraud, Mr. Kirk,” she said, and Jim looks down at her in interest. “You have no proof,” he replies. “Oh, but you’re wrong,” she replies, “you see, because Night At The Museum is on Netflix, and I have Netflix right here on my phone,” she replies, waving her phone at Jim. Jim smiles, and then says; “You’re right, I confess. I did steal all my knowledge from movies. But who has the time to read anymore? I work three jobs, and I actually like this one.” “Three?” Joanna asks, and Jim nods. “I like to keep busy.” But Joanna knows. Leonard works at least half a job extra on top of his normal one, too, though at the same hospital. New York is expensive.

Jim actually stays with Joanna when Bones is late to pick her up. The teachers are in the cafe for a coffee, and Jim sits outside on the stairs down to the road. And Bones arrives there, still wearing his white lab coat, and he rushes up the stairs too. “I’m so sorry, Jo,” he says, but Joanna shrugs. “It’s okay, dad.” “I had a surgery that went a little sideways-” “It’s okay, I don’t want the gross details,” Joanna says, getting up and grabbing her father’s hand. “Thank you for keeping an eye on her,” Bones says to Jim, and gives him a small smile and a gentle shrug. More genuine than the smile he’s given the visitors inside. “Joanna is good company. Very intelligent.” “Very witty, too, she’ll outsmart you if you’re not careful,” Bones says, and Jim laughs. “I noticed. I should go, though, my next job is waiting for me.” “Maybe you should come for dinner tomorrow,” Joanna says, to which both Bones and Jim look a little taken aback, “tomorrow is pizza night in our house.” “Pizza night?” Jim asks, “well, in that case, sign me up.”

Jim brings his nephew, Sam. The four of them order pizza, and then Joanna and Sam sit in front of the TV to play video games. “Jo told me you cheated on the museum tour,” Bones says, and Jim chuckles. “Kind of? I know the history behind the different exhibitions, but kids are more interested in the fictional part. I sneak in real facts here and there,” Jim says with a shrug, accepting a beer when Bones offers him one. “Clever,” Bones finally says, “I gotta ask, though. Mets or Yankees?” “Is this a test?” Jim asks, small grin on his lips before he takes a sip from his beer. “Yankees.” “Wrong answer,” Bones says, “I don’t think we can see each other again after this.”

But they do. Joanna takes a liking to Sam, and apparently Sam lives with Jim. The two get along really well, almost to the point that Bones starts suspecting they’re into each other. That’s okay, though, because Bones finds himself really into Jim, too. This “Museum Tour Guide” by day, “Technical Support Agent” by night (and sometimes morning), and “bartender” in the weekends. He seems super busy, running all these jobs, and yet he finds the time to arrange lunches with the four of them, or a movie night at Jim’s place, and a late night walk through Central Park on a cold day in January.

And Bones obviously fancies Jim, but he doesn’t know what to do with it, so he looks for that kind of attention elsewhere. “I’m going on a date,” he tells Joanna, who looks instantly interested. “Really? With Jim?” “What? No,” Bones says, “remember how you made that online dating profile for me? I met someone on there.” “No, you should be asking Jim out,” Joanna says, “remove that dating profile. You don’t need it.” “I don’t need to date Jim,” Bones counters, “but I got Jim to babysit you.” “I don’t need a babysitter!”

Having Jim to herself is nice, though, and while Bones is off with someone else, Joanna curls up on the couch with him while he helps her with her homework. “Why don’t you ask my dad out?” Joanna asks, and Jim frowns. “What do you mean?” “Like on a date,” Joanna explains. “You… do realize your daddy’s on a date right now, right? With a girl.” “But he likes you. He always talks about you. He even smiles around you. Which is…” “Odd, for Bones,” Jim agrees, “but I can’t just pull Bones away from a date. And anyway, him smiling at me doesn’t mean anything.” “It means he likes you,” Joanna concludes, “my dad likes Valentines Day, right? He’s a romantic, always secretly watching those romantic movies. Why don’t you just ask him out?” “I’m not going to ask out your dad,” Jim says, and with that, concludes that conversation.

“How was your date?” Jim asks when Bones returns later that night. He looks exhausted, maybe a bit intoxicated, but at least not completely drunk. Bones grunts in response, falling down on the couch next to Jim. “Not great,” he says, “I mean, she was nice. But it was just that. Nice.” “Nice is a good start,” Jim says, sliding an arm around Bones’ shoulder to pull him in closer. “I want to have that instant click,” Bones says, “I don’t want to build up hopes on “nice”, I need a little more than that.” “God, Joanna is right, you’re such a romantic sap,” Jim laughs, and Bones looks at him with a mild glare. “Shut up, you. I’m not a sap. I just like the idea of falling in love at first sight, or with my best friend.” “Well,” Jim starts, against better judgement, “I don’t know about love at first sight, but your best friend’s sitting right here.” 

Bones entered his life like a whirlwind. Before meeting the doctor, Jim enjoyed his bachelor lifestyle, even if his apartment was just a small and shabby place above a tobacco shop, which meant his place constantly smelled like it. Pretty sure there was some illegal trading happening in that shop, too, but that’s none of Jim’s business. He works, he meets people, goes out to dinners paid by his boss. Sometimes he takes those people home. Either way, life is good. But then Bones happens; a young doctor hidden under grumpy and tired exterior, afraid of relationships after having his heart broken, and that works well with Jim, who’s not looking for anything anyway. And yet it happens. Warming up to each other, Bones is this beautiful genius, who’s not afraid of calling Jim out on his bullshit. Bones, who, even when Jim messes up at work and gets horribly, miserably drunk, shows up at the bar at 4AM to carry Jim’s drunk ass home. Sure, he complains about it, but Jim still wakes up to fresh orange juice and a hearty breakfast. Bones is there for him. Someone who doesn’t run from the bad, and it’s better than Jim ever expected it would be.

Jim casually cares about everyone he meets, and he doesn’t condone violence, but when he hears that Bones, his Bones, has been hit by a drunk driver, he does feel like finding the person to kick their face in. Because Bones is in a pretty rough shape. He’ll live, but he’s broken a few ribs, his leg, and he’s bruised and ugly looking. A sharp contrast of his usual clean shaved face, and Jim hates it. Hates looking at his unconscious boyfriend. Hates seeing Joanna upset and worried, just like him. Even Jocelyn shows up with a card and flowers. Many doctors come take a look, because they work with the man who’s now a patient there, and Bones has that effect on people. He’s intimidating, but a good man, and he doesn’t deserve to be in pain.

Luckily, Bones isn’t out very long. He’s awake maybe a day after the accident, and Jim finds him sitting up straight(ish) when he walks into Bones’ room early morning. “Hey you,” Jim says, and then; “you look awful.” His way of saying he cares. Bones grunts in response. “You do, too. But I got hit by a car, what’s your excuse?” Bones’ way of saying he cares, too. Jim cracks up, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed carefully, and he holds on to Bones’ hand until the other pulls it away. “I’m fine, Jim, I’m not dying.” “You would have been, had the driver steered a little more to the right,” Jim says. “But he didn’t, and I’m alive,” Bones replies. “Damn it, let me hold you and be happy you’re alive and well. Don’t be a grumpy old man about this.” “You can hold my–” “Joanna,” Jim says when she walks in. She rushes over to Bones, hugging him tight despite the pained groans coming from him. “Jo. Jo, I love you, but I’m in pain,” Bones says, and only then does she let go, but not before uttering a quick: “A little suffering is good for the soul, dad.” 

Now, technically, for the concussion and the broken bones, he doesn’t have to stay more than a day or two. But this is Bones, and doctors make the worst patients, and maybe his coworkers are worried about him being able to take care of himself, because they make him stay at least a week. After work, Jim goes and visits him immediately. Usually with burgers and fries, because hospital food is pretty gross. And Bones doesn’t say it, but Jim knows he’s grateful for him being there. For the company and moral support. Jim knows Bones would’ve done the same if it were him, and it’s really hardly any effort to visit him and watch boring TV shows on the little TV screen while munching on fast food. Jim makes comments on the shows, tries to make Bones laugh, although that makes Bones angry because laughing hurts.

And when Jim’s not with him, he’s at Bones’ place. He knows where Bones hides the spare key, after all. He vacuums and waters the plants (like a proper adult). Maybe he also sleeps in Bones’ bed because it reminds him of Bones and his bed is more comfortable than his own at his shabby flat. After day two, he decides to repaint the walls a new fresh color, because Bones deserves that. Joanna eagerly helps him when she finds out. 

They spend an hour or two with Bones in the hospital, and then they rush to his place to paint the walls of the living room. Jim also works through the night to give the bedroom a new color. Getting through work after that night is one thing, but when he visits Bones, he passes out after a minute or two of conversation. Bones is understandably grumpy about it when Jim wakes up from his snooze an hour or so later.

A few months later, he’s in a much better place. Joanna is with him a lot, work is a lot more fun now with Spock and Uhura being local resident doctors, too. He has a new apartment, a little bit of savings stashed away, and the weather’s looking up.

But then his car breaks down again. Joanna steers the car while Bones pushes it the short distance it is to the garage. Jim throws him a smile that’s half fond, half mischievous, and Bones instantly regrets coming here. But then, in this small town, it’s not like he can go anywhere else. “Can you fix daddy’s car?” Joanna asks when Jim pops open the hood. “I can do loads of things for your daddy,“ Jim replies, to which Joanna raises an eyebrow, and Bones clears his throat. “Just let me know how much it’s gonna cost,” he says, and Jim grins. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get bang for your buck,” he says, to which Bones simply rolls his eyes.

Bones and Joanna get coffee from Nana Chekov’s Coffee Corner across the street, and Bones gets one for Jim, too. Returning back to his car isn’t all that bad, because Jim looks like one of those horrible novella cover models, (all tank top and tool belt) and it annoys Bones he even knows that. “Hows it going?” Bones asks, and Jim looks up. “Seems like a few screws are missing, but I got everything to get those nails back in place-” “Enough with the sex references,” Bones hisses quietly, and Jim laughs, taking the coffee from him. “Your car is gonna be fine, Bones, give me a couple hours and she’ll run smoothly.” “Thanks,” Bones says. He hesitates, briefly, and then adds; “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad.” “Made me feel bad?” Jim asks. “Because I left that morning after,” Bones says, glancing at Joanna, who sits a little further away, playing games on Leonard’s phone, “I wasn’t in a good place.” “Hey, it’s fine,” Jim says, raising his hand, “don’t worry about it. We had fun, and that’s it. Don’t make it into anything complicated. Just treat me to a drink tonight, if you that makes you feel better.”

He does treat Jim to a drink. And then two. And then Jim treats them both to shots. They’re both drunk when they make it home; to Bones’ apartment this time, and he happily passes out after sex with Jim right next to him.

Leonard thinks about making Jim breakfast when he wakes up, but the bed is empty. Not just that; the house smells like bacon and coffee. Stepping out of his room and to the kitchen, he finds Jim making breakfast while Joanna sits on the counter next to him. “Morning, dad,” Joanna says. “Yeah. Morning, dad,” Jim repeats, to which Bones huffs. “Make yourself at home, why don’t you?” He asks, but he smiles anyway, and sets the table for the three of them.

They do exchange numbers this time, and Bones finds himself texting Jim almost instantly. He helps Joanna with her homework, but she gives him a small grin. “What?” “You and Jim,” she says, but Bones simply shrugs. “He fixed my car,” he says, and Joanna huffs. “Until morning? Please,” she says. “It took longer than expected-” “I know about sex, dad. And I know you hooked up with him before,” Joanna interrupts him, “and it’s fine. You’re gonna see him again? He’s handsome, and he makes better toast than you.” “Excuse me, my toast is just fine,” Bones says, “how did you know about us before? You still lived with your mom back then.” “Jim’s terrible puns yesterday gave it away,” Joanna says, and Bones sighs. “Of course thats why.

The first time Leonard sees Jim, he looks fucking ridiculous. Full on Indiana Jones. Cowboy hat, a dirty white t-shirt with his sleeves rolled up, baggy jeans and dirty boots. The tool belt around his hips carries both a pistol as well as several brushes and a small hammer or something. “This is the 21st century, dude,” Leonard tells him. Jim simply tips his head and rolls up his sleeves in response, and Leonard is angry at himself for fancying that even a little.

Leonard’s an ex- army medic, who now just provides aid to whoever needs it, not just Americans. And occasionally, those who pay him enough to pay rent for 6 months in a small city in the middle East. Jim is one of those, and when Leonard finds out he’s an archaeologist, he’s confused as to why someone with his profession might need medical attention at all. Though then he’s quick to find out why.

For someone with one of the most boring jobs in the world (according to Leonard, anyway), Jim is prone to getting them in a shitload of trouble very fast. Within a day or two of digging, they find themselves chased by both authorities as well as bandits, because apparently their operation hadnt been entirely legal. “What the fuck, Jim!” Leonard tells at him once they’re in an abandoned shed, hiding from their pursuers. “Worth it,” Jim says, reaching out in his pocket to take out a necklace and a ring. “You took that off the corpse you dug up?” “Yeah,” Jim says, “looks like it’s only a couple hundred years old. But what was a Victorian Brit doing in the middle east?” “I don’t know,” Leonard says, “and I don’t care.” “You will when you see your paycheck, sweetheart,” Jim says.

So, Jim is more than an archaeologist. Infamous, apparently, because he always takes some of his findings to sell it. Doesn’t give the American and British museums all they want. “Why not?” Leonard asks him one night, when they’re in the middle of the desert chasing one of Jim’s leads. Jim got himself hurt tripping over a rock formation by paying too much attention to his compass instead of his footing, and Leonard’s been sitting next to him, Jim’s leg on his lap, and he’s stitching up the cut. “Don’t you think they’ve taken enough as it is?” Jim asks, “the Brits have taken things that don’t belong to them for hundreds of years. I prefer selling some relics to museums here. Keep artefacts in their respective countries. Don’t want to end up making some ancient spirits angry, either.” Leonard listens to him, agreeing for the most part (though he’d never really given that much thought), but at the latter, he looks up with a frown. “What?” “Yeah, dude, the ancient Egyptians protected their stuff with curses and traps. Taking their important relics too far away from them, I don’t know, I’m not going to be the one angering the spirits.” “Spirits,” Leonard says, “don’t exist.” “You don’t know that,” Jim says, “aliens might be real, too.” “Not in our solar system,” Leonard counters. “Don’t say ‘impossible’ too quick, doc,” Jim says, “who knows what’s out there?” Leonard huffs at that. “No aliens, that’s for sure.”

They’re in Paris a week later. For what point or purpose, Leonard’s learned not to ask. They’re in a small alleyway a few blocks from Le Louvre, and Jim knocks on a shady looking door. “Spock, my old friend!” He calls out when the other opens the door. Jim pulls the tall stranger in a quick hug, and then pushes past him to go inside. “I have something for you to look at. You’ll love it.” Leonard greets Spock with a small smile, following the two of them inside. He listens to them argue about one of Jim’s findings, but he’s more interested in all the oddities in the room. Jewelry, statues, weird floaty things in jars. How does Jim even know all these people?

“What’s with the pointy ears?” Leonard asks Jim quietly when Spock leaves to the kitchen to make them tea. “Dude, you can’t just ask that,” Jim scolds him, but then he cracks a smile, “Spock’s an alien.” “Uh-huh.” “He’s here to study human history, knows more than anyone I know, so sometimes I ask his opinion.” “I didn’t know you were capable of listening to other people’s opinions,” Leonard says, and Jim huffs. “I only listen when they’ve got something interesting to say.” “Rude.”

Jim ends up selling his trinkets to Spock, and he pockets a few grand from that. “How’s jewelry that’s been buried a few hundred years worth so much?” Leonard asks him when they’re celebrating in a pub. “You should see jewelry a few centuries old. You can buy a mansion with that, and have some coin left for a new car.” “I chose the wrong profession,” Leonard replies, and Jim laughs. “I dunno, I quite like you being around me to look pretty and stitch up a wound here and there.” “You know that’s not actually my profession,” Leonard points out. “You’re still here with me,” Jim says, “ and you get a paycheck. But you’re free to go if you want.” Leonard laughs, taking a well deserved sip from his beer. “If that’s the case, I’ll leave tomorrow,” he says, but Jim reaches out - hand resting over Leonard’s, and there’s a look in his eyes too tempting to ignore. “No,” Jim says, “you won’t.”