#mauric

Mauric lyric moodboard (1/?) | 9 Crimes - Damien Rice

It would have been better—she thought—if he had held a gun to her head.

If his hands had been around her neck.

If he had plunged a knife into her chest.

It would have been better. It would have made more sense. 

It would have… It would have…

But instead all he’d done was send shock waves flowing through every synapse of her brain. Everything firing at once before shutting down completely. Darkness trailing over her spine the same way he’d once trailed his fingers.

I regret every time I’ve ever told you I loved you.

The words were sandpaper against her skin. She recoiled against the feeling, wanting to peel the flesh from her bones, push away the parts of her that had led them to this.

It was her fault, of course.

Things like this were always her fault.

She pushed too hard. Ran too far. Patched up holes with practiced smiles and tangled limbs. Hoped that it would be enough to stop the flow of everything going wrong. 

How could she have ever believed she’d be able to be happy?

“I believe you.”

The words were quiet, resigned—defeated.

He was the only one that ever could defeat her in any case.

“I’d regret ever loving me too.”

The woman’s palm lay flat against the marble counter-top as she stared down at the golden band that glinted there. She pressed harder in a futile attempt to stop the shaking.

She knew what she had to do.

The ring made a dull sound when it settled against the stone. It was not the sort of sound she had associated with worlds crumbling before, but somehow, it was now the only thing she could imagine.

“But I’ve loved you, Andris… More than I should have ever let myself love anything.”

Her chair was too loud as it scraped across the tile flooring. The screaming seagulls and roaring waves too much and just enough to cover the words he wouldn’t say anyhow. Her feet too quiet as she padded towards the exit and crunched across the sand to the waiting boat. Empty hands flexing as she tried to keep her head held high.

“Well, you were the one who insisted on coming to Russia during our honeymoon. I should have known better than to allow you full sway over our itinerary.” Marcie mumbled sleepily as she nuzzled closer to Auric, her golden hair spread across his chest and an arm wrapped around his torso.

“Right. Of course. I’m on my way.”

Marcie spoke without thinking, adrenaline running through her veins as she tossed her phone aside and got up out of the bed. They’d spotted Scaramanga. Q had gotten a lock on his position and the bastard was within their sights! It was an opportunity that couldn’t wait any longer.

Shaking hands rustled with the clothes tossed in haphazard piles across the floor of the five-star hotel room Auric had booked for them on a whim. It had been chance that they had even seen each other, as it usually was between them. Both somehow had found themselves in Milan—Marcie following a lead while Auric was being a bit cagey about what exactly had brought him here. The vain part of her heart liked to believe he’d followed her to the city. That perhaps he’d missed her.

“Off again?”

His voice was a carefully curated mixture of tones. Casual and yet slightly accusatory, with hints of something like worry twisted throughout.

Marcie looked back over her bared shoulder, giving the man that lay there a weak smile. “I’m sorry… I just… Scaramanga…” She said in explanation, waving a hand towards her phone. “Q thinks he finally knows where his base is located and it’s not too far away. If I leave now, I might be able to keep the element of surprise.”

Auric stiffened a little and sat up as well, anger written all over the hard lines of his muscles as he clenched his jaw and looked away from her. She let out a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan. They’d had this argument so many times. It felt so tired and worn out by now.

Slowly she finished slipping her arms into the sleeves of her blouse, leaving it hanging open as she crawled back onto the bed and went and pressed soft kisses to Auric’s shoulder. “I have to catch him, Auric. I can’t just let Scaramanga roam free. He’s a terrible man who has done terrible things. He needs to answer for his crimes.”

“I’ve done terrible things.” He said in response, not moving a muscle, not even when Marcie’s chilled hands ran themselves over his abdomen and pulled him back against her. “I’ve crimes to answer for as well, my golden girl. When were you planning on turning me in to your precious MI-6?”

Marcie leaned her forehead against her lover’s back, closing her eyes and taking a few soft breaths before speaking. It was such a battle inside of her whenever this came back up again. “You know I’d never turn you into them. You have a good heart. You’re a good person. I know you only do what you do to keep yourself alive, to keep your father at bay. If you had another choice…”

“I have always had a choice.” His words were stone. Unmovable.  His gaze was the same as he finally turned to look at her and his hands went to hold Marcie by the shoulders.  “As have you, my love; between me and MI-6.”

It felt as if all the wind had been knocked out of her. Was that really what he thought? After a moment or two, Marcie shook her head and pulled herself from Auric’s grasp, finishing buttoning up her shirt. “No. No, it’s not a choice between you and MI-6. You and MI-6 are two very different things. I am a 00 Agent, Auric. It’s my job. It’s what I do. It’s not a… a… person or a thing that I can love and that can love me back. It’s preposterous for you to even suggest–!” She continued as she gathered up her bag and shoes, quickly being cut off as Auric gently grabbed at her hand, stalling Marcie once more.

“Exactly.” His eyes were a brand that kept Marcie rooted to the spot. There was a fire there, but also a deep rooted fear. The primal terror that if he let her go this one time… Maybe she’d never come back. “MI-6 can’t make you feel the way I make you feel, Marcie.” 

He slowly pulled her closer and Marcie moved as if transfixed, fingers loosening and sending her heels clattering to the floor. “It won’t love you like I love you. It’ll only take and take until you’ve nothing left but the hunger for adrenaline. For the next high they’ll give you in the hopes of making you come back for more.” His hands wrapped around her hips. His face pressed gently against her stomach. It was nearly enough to drive Marcie mad.

“Stay… Stay, my golden girl.” Auric whispered against her skin. “Let me love you the way you ought to be loved. Worshipped. Adored. Please…”

A shaky breath fell from Marcie’s lips as she looked down at the man before her. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she could just feel the sheer magnetic pull that was screaming at her to stay. To simply cup his face and fall back onto the bed once more and forget all about MI-6 and the justice she’d sworn to uphold. That someone else could be England’s champion. That for once she deserved this one thing that was hers and hers alone.

“I’m sorry…” Marcie finally said in reply, voice choked as she pulled away, scooping up her shoes in the same fluid motion as she opened the door. And yet she paused in the entryway, reluctant to leave the perfect bubble they’d created for themselves.

“Beijing…” The girl looked back over to Auric, a small sad smile on her face. “I’ll be in Beijing next after this… If you wanted to—“ She faltered again, wincing a little and looking down to the floor. How foolish of her to be asking this when she wouldn’t even stay for him now. “I’ll be in the usual hotel, in the usual suite. I—I love you, Andris. Very much. I promise.”

Istanbul really was a beautiful city, Marcie had to admit. All old-world charm and cobbled streets, colors everywhere you looked.

Now, if only she was able to get these idiots off her back. Perhaps then she’d actually get to see the damned place.

The blonde blew a lock of hair away from her eyes as she walked briskly along the alleyway, coat drawn tight against her body as she listened for the double-triple time steps of the man following her. She’d spotted him lurking in the shadows as soon as she’d left the rendezvous at Kozelchev’s warehouse. Perhaps it had been dangerous to wave away the car, to speak to Alex with nothing but her eyes, warning and preparing him for the fact that she was indeed about to do exactly what he thought she was about to do.

He’d certainly scold her later for it of course. She wasn’t a full-fledged 00 Agent yet. Her clearance level wasn’t high enough to turn a mission like this. It’s for your own safety... he’d say. Marcie scoffed slightly and shoved her hands further into her pockets.

This whole mission was a test. She wasn’t an idiot. And if so, why not act the part she was auditioning for? A 00 would draw the issue away, pull the dangerous ones along a merry chase, confuse them, make them believe they had the upper hand. And after all, Marcie was rather good at charming men. Nobody ever seemed to believe that the strawberry blonde with the sparkling blue eyes could even be remotely dangerous.

But the men here had learned better. Kozelchev and his web of counterfeits had been shocked to find that it was Renee and not her elder brother that was the most ruthless of the two of them, casually destroying an extraneous rat of a man who had nearly cost their ring millions of dollars in shipment.

Her hands were still trembling. Still remembered the chill in her fingers as they wrapped around the revolver. 

This was a danger in her control. This was another test. Kozelchev’s this time. She would show them her strength. They would not regret bringing her into their fold--or at least not yet.

Marcie quickly ducked down another side-street, twisting and turning as she tried to take the most round-about way back to the hotel which she and Alex had made their home base. She still heard the steps, but he had not yet made any attempt to accost her. It was all so strange.

She lengthened her stride a bit more, trying to push herself forward faster while maintaining her cool composure. There was a restaurant nearby that she and Alex had frequented quite a few time since their arrival here. Easy enough to slip into the kitchen, weave through the dining room and back out. Marcie had made friends with the cooks early on (yet another perk of her good looks even if Alex had scoffed) and she was certain they would run interference for her. A quick diversion and she would be free to return to her room and debrief.

Yes, it was perfect. Everything was going just to plan. She had it all situated. Perhaps M would be satisfied with their work sooner rather than later, give her 00 status and both she and Alex could be home before teatime next week.

Yet as soon as she reached out to pull open the kitchen door, an arm wrapped itself around her waist and a hand pressed gently against her mouth.

Marcie’s eyes went wide and a muffled noise echoed against the man’s hand. At least, that is, until she caught a familiar scent. Slowly the hand fell from her mouth, but the arm did not release her as Marcie turned slowly to gaze up at the quiet young man she’d seen in the corner earlier that day.

“And here I thought the night had been winding down...” She said quietly with a small smile that echoed itself on Andris’ own lips. That is, she assumed it must have been a smile. To be honest, both their lips became a bit preoccupied fairly soon afterwards.

Perhaps it wouldn’t be too terrible if she stayed a bit longer in Istanbul.