#matthewb

You were waiting in the car, getting more nervous by the second. Matthew should have been out of the poolhouse by now. He should be coming out any second, and running to you, so you could both make your escape. You had the plane tickets ready, under fake names of course. Fake passports in the dashboard. As soon as he did this, as soon as he got rid of Hannibal, things were going to change in your life.

You could imagine it well. Walking down the streets of Paris, by the old buildings with their pretty shop fronts that could only be found there. Boulangeries. You had even learned the word for bakeries because you were excited about going in and getting a breakfast baguette and sharing it with your love while he was on a stakeout of someone he didn’t like and planned to take down.

Or Berlin. Bundling up for the cold winters, having to wear thick hats and socks to avoid shivering while walking down the street at night. Passing by all of the goth clubs and seeing the patrons in their teeny tiny latex wear, and thinking about buying Matthew a pair of those tight PVC pants.

Or Amsterdam. Riding bikes over the bridges, taking in the smells of the flowers that would be everywhere during the Summer. Smoking up in one of the many cafes to cool down after he got one of his victims. Wandering the Red Light District at night, getting lingerie ideas from the girls that actually wore something.

The sound of sirens caught your attention. You swore under your breath and ducked down to avoid being seen by the officers as they rushed in. But you trusted in your Matthew.

Despite what a lot of the doctors had to say and write down, you weren’t actually all that crazy. Alright, perhaps you had a penchant for stalking people, and you did have a lot of journals filled with things about the murders done by these people, but that didn’t mean that you were guilty of anything. You were just - you were a wallflower. You blended in, you used that to your advantage, and you merely took notes about the killers that you found the most interesting.

And the best part was - it was very rare that you were seen. Even the Chesapeke Ripper hadn’t caught on to who you were, and how you knew about his crimes, until your very public arrest when a nosy woman looked over your shoulder and saw what you were writing down, drawings included.

But there was one person who did see you. Matthew Brown, an orderly at the place that you were put into. The guards, they hardly looked at you twice. You weren’t considered dangerous, just a bit of a strange person. He was the only one who looked you in the eye when he brought you food. More than once he had managed to sneak in a little extra jello, or a McDonalds packet of kechup to add some flavor to the bland food.

A friendship was struck. You found out who he was, and he looked straight at you and discovered who you were. There was no hiding from him, though for everyone else, you seemed to blend into the wall. Hence the name that everyone called you - Wallflower.

“You just have to look at the bright side.” Matthew said, once he had come across you looking very tense. You two had conversations often, there was something different about this man. He wasn’t like the others who were too frightened to look people in the face. No, he had a very gentle look in his eyes whenever he looked at you.

“And what’s that?” You asked, failing to see any sort of silver lining to being in this place, having your mind poked and prodded by doctors and the only visitors you have are reporters who are trying to get an admission out of you.

“You’re not entirely alone. You and I .. we’re a lot alike. We’re almost the same. I can understand anything that you may want to tell me, because what you have felt, I have to. We’re the hawks, these doctors are just our prey. We circle them while they think they hover over us.”

“We’re not alike.” You said, confused.

There is a quote that says “different people awaken different beasts in you.” But the opposite is true as well.  Different people can awake a different part of you, a great part of you that you did not think existed.  An example of this would be becoming a parent.  Having, seeing, holding your child for the first time can awaken a part of you that is warm, nurturing, and loving.  Meeting my cousin for the first time today was great.  Seeing my uncle react to fatherhood was fantastic.  It is refreshing to see what new life can do.  A baby is starting out in this world with a clean slate.  But it offers a clean slate for his/her family as well.  I think most of us can learn a lot from babies.  Life is all about exploring life with an open mind.  It is about starting new and not having any preconceived notions about anyone or anything. Its about living and learning everyday.   

Being that I am a Nerdfighter, I run primarily on awesome.  Awesome levels have been low lately, and as John Green has mentioned, Awesome burns much faster than typical fuels.  With that said few things refill awesome quickly, one of them I discovered today. Babies! Babies refill awesome to the max with all their baby-ness.  Pretty soon after being around a baby, you begin to top off your awesome levels and then you just try to capture the spillage to save for later (like w/ photos and stuff).  So, if you ever find your awesome levels are low, find yourself a baby. (But don’t be as creepy as that sounded...)