#matchusayswords

and then realized "ah… that means we have to break up asap, actually"

this is how my life often goes, I never know why it's gonna happen

Part of it was that work just got busy

But also part of it was like

I was doing all these little chores and organizational projects to make my creatures' homes better, and to create spaces I could feel at home in and feel proud of

And I was like. Wait.

I could literally do this in my own house, for my own life

Huh

So I've moved my Pokopia energy into that 😅 I made a plushie shelf, humidified my room, repaired my bike, set up a workout space…

graduated to

I do not want to harm people when I can avoid it (and I like this about myself!)

I try to avoid things I think might harm people

I never find out which things I was actually right would be harmful, vs which things I lacked the experience to understand are actually fine if you just apply basic care

I like my desire to be very considerate… but in the short-term interest of Never Fucking Up Ever, I was denying myself the opportunity to gain evidence of where the actual boundaries of reality are… and burning myself out long-term, wasting effort on avoiding exaggerated or imaginary harms that didn't actually need it

And so I guess part of how I've been addressing that has been like… 1) noticing and challenging my freeze impulse, and going "hey I don't trust your judgment actually", and 2) trying things that aren't entirely "safe", in specific relationships where we have the love and trust to be okay even if something hurts

so it just so happened that the first episode I ever saw was Goh meeting Horace and I'm like. oh! they made me! they put Exactly Me As A Kid in Pokémon The TV Show!

and watching Satogou play out was like. oh my goodness this is what it was like meeting my first bf who opened my eyes to the world. but for me it was when I was like 23.

and so it's been such a precious story to me of like: 1) what if I'd gotten to wake up sooner, but 2) why wait, Goh knows how to get the fuck up and do things! I literally also can!!

Anyway happy Satogou day, I'm excited to watch it again with Clure today and remember how nice it's been for us to share this story 🥰