#mataoki

This is probably going to be especially inarticulate but whatever it's not like it really matters so long as it gets the point across. I've been reflecting a lot lately on the past several months and everything that's happened over the course of them and I've come to the conclusion that I honestly wouldn't have made it if it weren't for you, and wow I'm already starting to cry this is some bullshit. You were there the night I tried to end my life and I can't even begin to fathom how you must've felt - powerless, angry, upset, a myriad of other emotions? - simply because I chose to be so carelessly selfish. I don't remember anything but short flashes of that night, or maybe they're just hallucinations that were created by my drug-flooded brain. I recall messaging with you while I popped pill after pill; a brief flicker of my own broken voice waking my parents up in the dead of the night, though I can't recall what was said.

My only solid memory begins when I open my eyes in a hospital room, gaze landing on the equally distraught faces of my parents and middle sister. I was thrown off by the latter, and my mother told me in a shaky voice that I had screamed for her in my delirium, and they had no choice but to get her on the first flight to come see me. However, there was someone that was missing during it all- you. I'd considered you a best friend for quite awhile before this point, but it took that night to realize that you'd become one of the people that I, quite literally, couldn't live without. You've been there for me through thick and thin, through the good, the bad, and the ugly, and really, I must have been a fucking saint in a past life to have deserved someone like you in my life. Also, writing this at work was the worst idea ever but I need to get this all out and thank fuck I haven't had customers.

The months that followed were some of the hardest I've ever had to live through, but there was a new driving force to keep me going, to keep me motivated, to keep me from spiraling back into such a dark place: the potential to see you in person for the second time in December, to reaffirm the fact that you were real, that you weren't going anywhere, that no matter how stupid or selfish or cruel I was you were going to be there through it all with a kind word, or a verbal slap to the face to knock some sense into me, or a reminder of an inside joke to bring a smile back to my face, however fleetingly.

Fast forward through months of tears, laughter, and everything in between, and we've done pretty fucking alright for ourselves, all things considered. You're making your dreams a reality and spending a school year in Korea, and I'm fucking manager at a place I've only been working at for four months, and we both know I can barely manage myself, let alone other people, and yeah, I'm going to be a fucking wreck when you finally step on that plane to leave the country for ten months, but I've learned to stifle my selfishness when it comes to you, because honestly, you deserve nothing but the best and to be fucking happy as shit because you're a goddamn wonderful human being, okay?

Anyway, I just needed to get this out because it's way fucking overdue and yeah. The mere thought of you ever disappearing from my life makes my chest constrict and really I might as well be suffocating.

Just to help knock some sense into some peoples brains.. seasidecarnival.tumblr.He didnt get thinner because he wasnt fat in the first place!!

Of course he wasn't fat ! Only round in the face ;; Maybe his hair made him look smaller in the face that's why. He is still super handsome ;o;

  sungjongs-sexuality replied to your post: people that start stanning minseok bc hes...

I agree there was nothing wrong with him before T,T

Yes ! He's perfect T T

  mataoki replied to your post: people that start stanning minseok bc hes...

cry i feel the same way, he has always been perfect ;___;