#mashkara

So much has been lost… sometimes i lose count. Like this winter i for the first time in 2 years took a walk in the city center. And then i saw this. And realized that I FORGOT russians bombed this building 1,5 years ago. I forgot!!! Because they’ve been bombing Ukrainian cities every day for 3 years (some of them for 11 years). This used to be the Odesa Marine Station and the Odesa Hotel - one of our most famous landmarks (you can see this building on every other Odesa postcard). I saw this and relived this loss all over again.

(The same way as every morning I relive every day of war again and again. There’s only one split second when I don’t remember about the war. One second a day.)

Yesterday russians bombed Poltava

20 years ago this day…

People on this photo have no idea how much shit they will have to go through, what a nightmare is expecting them.

Can’t believe there were times when I still had the ability to smile

I stopped being nostalgic years ago. I just can’t have any sentiments towards the person I was before. I mean how can you not be disgusted by someone gullible enough to believe there is something good in this world? To believe the world would be actually opposed to killing 40 000 000 of innocent people? Pathetic…

And yet I am eternally grateful to 18 yo me for being wise enough to see the heart of gold in an extremely shy and self-aware guy.

Finally! I’ve been waiting for so long… and it turned out to be everything I dreamed of and more!

I got obsessed with this game because of the trailer… or, to be more precise, because of the soundscape in the trailer… and, if I were completely honest with myself, with the voice of Carlos telling Roman, that it’s not hell, because “hell would have meaning”.

This phrase hit me really hard considering what we in Ukraine have to live through every day…

Anyway! I started playing it today and it’s absolutely amazing! Old school horror, fantastic soundscape and atmosphere, really good graphics (which surprised me in the best possible way!)…

Today I cried for the third time in 22 months. Not because of the attack itself - we see this shit every fucking day, been seeing it for almost 2 years. I’m just so tired. Of horror, of hopelessness, of indifference, of injustice, of people mocking our tragedy every single day, of stupid fuckers calling themselves “journalists” spreading fascist propaganda.

Maternity hospital, a few regular hospitals, schools, kindergartens, church, shopping mall, many residential buildings… deliberate attack on residential areas.

122 missiles + 36 kamikaze drones. 158 terrorist attacks in one morning. They were accumulating missiles to launch them right before the new year. They already launched about 7,400 missiles and 3,900 Shahed drone strikes against Ukraine since 24.02.22

I’m not even sad or scared or angry anymore.

I feel sick.