Summary: A lot has changed for Darren since he escaped the clutches of his fake marriage and fake life. One thing that has never changed, however, is how much hope he and Chris have for their futures and how much love they have for one another.
Tropes/Genre: CrissColfer fanfiction, canon!CC, married!CC, daddies!CC, one shot
Lynne’s review: Sweet, a little angsty, but with some much needed hope.
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Advent Prompt #16: Please write this with Married!CrissColfer [image link] Text fic. 852 words [AO3] Read Previous Advent fics on: AO3 | Tumblr
Darren: Really, Chris? Really?
Chris: Good morning to you too, hubby!
Darren: Oh don't try to butter me up with all the husband talk. That’s not fighting fair. You know what it does to me...
Chris: I can't help it if you have a weird husband kink?
Darren: ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T?
Darren: As your husband, I'm very offended.
Chris: You know, Darren, it's been 6 weeks since the wedding. You don't have to start every single sentence with “as your husband.” I'm aware we're married. I was there. The husband part is pretty much implied.
Darren: Man, you're not helping yourself out of this hole. If anything, you're only digging yourself in deeper.
Chris: So? I love holes.
Darren: That's what he said. *rimshot*
Darren: Get it, Chris? Like a rimjob. Also a thing that involves a hole.
Chris: Jokes tend to work better when you don't overexplain them.
Darren: Aren't you supposed to laugh at all your husband's jokes? Wasn't that in our wedding vows?
Chris: God, no. I would never write anything that cliched.
Chris: Also, this convo is taking place via text, so how do you know I didn't laugh? You can't prove otherwise.
Darren: There was a distinct lack of hahas or lols.
Chris: Do you want an lol if it's only a pity lol?
Darren: I'll take what I can get.
Chris: lol (but only ironically)
Darren: So in case you're keeping score (like I am) I'm now mad at you for 4 things.
Chris: Oh really now...
Darren: Yup. In reverse chronological order: 1) lack of lols at my jokes 2) judging me for starting sentences with “as your husband” 3) not having a husband kink like me 4) and most importantly, this asshole of a note I woke up to:
Chris: Hey, all things considered, I thought my note was very measured and reasonable.
Darren: Chris, you threatened to cut me.
Chris: Yeah, but like, only ironically.
Darren: Sort of like the lols?
Chris: EXACTLY like the lols.
Darren: Well, in that case, problem solved!
Chris: Really?
Darren: No, I was using irony.
Chris: Pretty sure it's called sarcasm in this circumstance.
Darren: Okay, who died and made you the humor police today?
Chris: Sorry, I get grouchy when I'm denied chilled Diet Coke first thing in the morning. And when I'm grouchy, I nitpick stupid things.
Darren: Like threatening to murder me for forgetting to put a new Diet Coke in the fridge?
Chris: I SAID STUPID THINGS, DARREN. DIET COKE ETIQUETTE IS NEVER STUPID.
Chris: Besides, I only said I would cut you, not kill you. I was thinking more of a superficial wound. I wasn't planning to go straight for the jugular or anything.
Darren: Death by 1,000 paper cuts?
Chris: Something like that.
Darren: Wow, you'd really want me to suffer? Never knew you were so sadistic, Chris.
Chris: Or maybe I just wanted to properly motivate you to never steal the last cold Diet Coke again.
Darren: You are addicted. If they made rehab clinics for diet sodas, you'd totally be their poster child.
Chris: Okay, how about this: you put up with my Diet Coke etiquette rules and I'll give you one thing you're allowed to be inexplicably weird about and I'll follow your rules without question.
Darren: Like, anytime we play video games you have to let me win? And we'll just call it “PS3 etiquette.”
Chris: Nope, you reached too far. Something smaller. More reasonable.
Darren: Um okay, how about you have to make me coffee every morning? And bring it to me in bed?
Chris: But we NEVER make coffee? You usually just buy it on your way to set in the morning.
Darren: Yeah, because not knowing how to work our coffee maker is my secret shame.
Chris: Darren, we literally just got a Keurig off our wedding registry. All you have to do is put in the K-Cup and push a button.
Darren: Isn't the point of this whole trade that I get one weird thing and you DON'T question it?
Chris: Fine. I will make you super simple, push button coffee every morning. But there's no delivery service involved unless you are going to deliver me fresh Diet Cokes while I'm writing.
Darren: How will I know when you want one?
Darren: (not questioning your idea, just thinking logistics)
Chris: I'll get a bell?
Darren: I refuse to be summoned via Diet Coke bell. I'm not your butler.
Darren: Although, as far as sexy role play ideas go, that's not terrible.
Darren: Not great, just... not terrible.
Chris: Fine, I'll text you DC. It can be our secret code for BRING ME DIET COKE, BITCH.
Darren: Sorry, I only come when addressed as husband.
Chris: That's what he said.
Chris: Husband fetishist.
Darren: Diet Coke fetishist.
Chris: We all have our fatal flaws...
Darren: Isn't marriage grand?
Chris: Weirdly, it is.
Darren: Love you <3
Darren: Even though you threatened to murder/maim me this morning.
Chris: Love you too.
Chris: Even though you are a dirty Diet Coke thief.
