#markleeangst

Mark fumbled with the phone in his hands, tossing and turning in his sleep. In the other room, he could hear his other band members snoring, but he just couldn't seem to get any rest tonight. He was tired, relaxed, and ready to go to bed, but for some reason, sleep just wouldn't come to get him.

Being the overthinker he was, he couldn't help but start regretting the decision to break up. He didn't even know why those words came out of his mouth one day. He didn't even know why he came home and just felt exhausted with you. He didn't even know how he would say such a heartbreaking thing to you. He didn't even know why he claimed to have fallen out of love with you.

Nobody said it out loud, but Mark always knew what they were thinking. They thought he was stupid for letting you go. And Mark couldn't help but agree. Every night since those few weeks ago, he'd fallen asleep with his phone in his hands; tempted to call you but too cowardly to press the button. He knew you hated him, and he didn't think he could bear hearing the venom in your voice.

But for some reason, his hands slowly searched through his contacts again. The route was so familiar that he could probably call you with his eyes closed. He stared at your contact picture; your bright eyes, silky hair, beautiful smile. And his thumb propelled itself towards the call button. He shut his eyes closed as tight as he could when the ringing started.

You picked up after exactly four rings. Mark braced himself for the screaming to begin, calling him a jerk, but that never came.

"Hey," you said. Mark's heart fluttered at your voice. There was no hatred, no accusations, no poison in your voice. Instead, you sounded worried, slightly breathless.

"Mark?" You called again, and this time, a tear crept out from his eye after hearing his name from your lips again. He opened his mouth to say something, but only a silent cry came out.

He could almost feel you looking at the phone screen in confusion. "M-Mark? Are you okay?"

He shook his head, begging you to hear him through the screen. No, I'm not okay. I need you. Please come back.

After moments of silence, a quiet sigh came from the other side of the phone. "Hey, I'm always here if you need me. I don't know why you called. Maybe it was accidental. But I'm just a phone call away."

Mark wanted to say everything. I'm sorry. I never meant to say any of those words, and these past few weeks have been the hardest of my entire life. I miss you so much. Please come back. But whenever he tried to open his mouth, fear of losing you again, hatred for himself, and the cowardly instinct crept up to his heart and stopped him from speaking.

There was silence for another several seconds, and the line went dead. Mark could feel his heart shattering once again, and this time, he could finally let out an audible cry. The first tear he'd let out since the breakup.

"I'm sorry. Please come back."

Little did he know, on the other side of the country, you sat in your bed, staring at your phone screen silently. You were shaking and sobbing, tempted to press the call button again. But you just couldn't.

"I'm actually not okay but I am now. After seeing you." he muttered under his breath showing me a small smile.

I pouted as I felt warmth over my chest. He really knows how to make me fall in love even more with his simple words.

"Are you hungry?" I asked as I pulled away from the hug to guide him towards the kitchen.

"Mark?" I asked and looked over at him when he didn't answered.

I caught him just starring at me with those sad and tired eyes. I'm really worried but I won't push him to tell me things he ain't ready to open up. I don't want to pressure and add stress unto him.

"I'm not hungry. I just want to cuddle." he quickly said outstretching his arm for me.

I hesitated at first but showed him a smiled a little then walked towards his direction. We once again locked ourselves with a tight hug. I felt his hard breaths at the skins of my neck.

I ran my hand over his soft black hair like how he loves it.

"Let's go to the room so you can rest properly, okay?" I offered while pulling away from his warm embrace.

He lazily nod his head and puckered his lips for a kiss before we both walk towards the room. He sat down over the side of my bed watching my every move with his eyes.

"You can lay down first, baby. I'll just fix this mess. I'll follow you." I said softly with a smile.

He shake his head in disagreement. "I want to cuddle now, please." he sounded so desperate and my heart cracked a little because of it.

I put the pens that I was holding down and walked straight in front of him. He slightly raised his head so he can look at me. He was sitting and I was standing so I'm taller in this position. I felt his hands slowly caressing my thighs between his opened legs.

"There’s seriously something wrong with you, Mark. What's wrong? You never begged for cuddles like this." he looked away feeling guilty. I sighed and brushed away his hair from his forehead then cupped both of his cheeks to prevent him from looking away.

"Mark? You know you can talk to me, right?" He sighed and looked straight at my eyes.

"Do you still love me?" he asked the most unexpected question that I've heard.

I was caught off guard at the unusual question that he fired at me. I looked at him with confusion all over my eyes.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I love you!"

His eyes soften and his soft fingers draw lazy circles at my thigh's skin out of a habit. One of his hand held my hands and took it over his lips for a soft kiss.

"I'm scared you'll leave me for that univ boy you're often with." he finally said.

I gasped and now realized where he was coming from. I slightly chuckled and quickly sat over his lap. His hands automatically wrapped around my waist to keep me from falling.

I kissed him over his lips that he quickly responded. I felt his hands slid inside of my shirt--- his shirt that I stole from him weeks ago from my last visit at their dorm.

"Baby, I'm so in love with you. How can you think I'll leave you for some guy I just met 1 week ago?"

"He can be with you always, Y/N. He can take you to dates that a normal couples should do. He can shout his love for you around the world and be proud of you. No matter how much I want to do that, I can't do all of that." I heard his voice cracked a little and that made my heart ache.

"Mark..." I called out his name and made him look over my eyes.

I want him to see the sincerity in every words that I will say.

"I love you so much that I'm very willing to be your secret girlfriend. I'm proud of you for achieving your dreams. I just want you to be happy. I don't care if you can't take me to normal dates, I choose you Mark. I choose us." I said. He pursed his lower lip as he hold my nape to push my face forward.

Our lips crashed to one another and led into a steamy make out session.

"I love you so much, Y/N. I'm very lucky to have you. Please don't ever leave me. You are my home and I don't know how to live without you." he said after our kiss and settled his face just above my chest.

I smiled ruffling his hair which I know he really like. I dropped a kiss over his head and continued ruffling his hair.

"I can't believe you'll think like that." I said unconsciously.

He didn't respond but just nuzzled over me. We decided to lay down the bed properly. Mark were possessively wrapping his arms over my waist like someone will snatch me away from him if he loosen it even a little.

I found him cute especially now that his mouth were slightly open because of tiredness. I watched him sleeping soundly beside me.

I realized that I should also be careful of how I act towards other people that I interact with. I didn't even thought Mark will feel like that. He wasn't someone who will be insecure that fast.

"I love you." I said lastly before kissing his jaw and slowly drifting off to dreamland as well.