#mark bails

When Vanessa strutted into her life that night, Charity was absolutely terrified. Vanessa was clumsy, wasted and a bit of a bitch, but for some reason Charity was drawn to it. She craved it, wanted to see how far she could push it…how far she could push her. But most importantly, she felt this strange sensation, a need, a desire, to reach out and touch the smaller woman. She wanted to feel the softness of her skin, run her fingers through her luscious blonde hair. She wanted them to be stuck in the cellar forever, that was their safe place when they could just be them. It had played such an important role in their blossoming relationship; the sofa and dodgy lock provided a safety that they both craved. And when Vanessa came sulking into the pub that next day, Charity knew that she had her right where she wanted her.

Life with Vanessa wasn’t as rosy as Charity had anticipated, the local vet was almost as fiery as her and didn’t fold as easily as Charity had thought. She brought her rainbows and sunshine and cluttered up her life, but for the first time Charity didn’t care. She didn’t try to expel the clutter, she embraced it. She opened her arms and welcomed everything that came with it. All the problems at the vets, Vanessa’s family, Johnny-bobs. Everything. And for a while that was alright, she was content, until her own clutter came back with a vengeance.

Talking about him. Seeing him. Reliving all of that hurt. That misery. It was almost too much to handle. The memories that were never meant to resurface, plagued Charity’s mind. They consumed her every last thought.

Telling Vanessa had been the hardest part. Harder than facing Bails, harder than talking to her family. She knew how people saw her, what they thought of her. But Vanessa was different, she wasn’t part of that part of her life. She was shining and new and that terrified Charity. It was the look of pure despair on Vanessa’s face that really resonated with Charity. The blonde wasn’t judging her, she was looking down her nose at her past. Vanessa was heartbroken, disgusted by the thought of someone hurting Charity like that. She cared, she honestly, truly cared about her. But that was too much. Charity was scared of what this all meant, what Vanessa really meant to her. Her walls that she built up were crumbling around her, and she was left dodging the debris.

She didn’t want a party to celebrate, she didn’t want to see the looks of sympathy on everyone’s faces or have to hear about how strong she was. But there was no telling a Dingle not to party, and the small family claimed a corner of the pub to toast Charity’s name. Ryan and Noah day glued to one another, their laughs filling the pub. Moses and Johnny’s little footstep echoed out the back as they chased each other, packets of crisps held tightly in their hands. And then there was Vanessa, she’d stuck by Charity’s through the entire thing and now she was laughing and drinking with her family. Vanessa fit in perfectly with the Dingles, she laughed at their jokes, discussed the pigs Zak and Sammy and even tried her hand at a few drinking competitions. Charity had finally found a good one, or at least a good one that could put up with her, and the family were thankful for that.

“Char’tee?” The blonde woman broke away from her deep daydream to find a little blonde-haired boy gently pulling on her trousers.

“Hello my little man.” She smiled brightly as she scooped the giggling toddler into her arms and ran her fingers through his hair.

“You better now?” Johnny asked as his little fingers twirled a few strands of her hair. “You not sad?”

“No Johnny-bobs. How could I be sad when I’m with you.” She smiled contently, settling the young boy on her hip as she looked out at her family and all the clutter they’d brought over the years. The clutter that tried time and time again to escape from.

But not anymore. She had pulled herself together, and as she faced off against her abuser, she had her children rallied around her, with the added surprise of a little boy who she never thought would be hers and a young man who she thought to have been dead. She was grateful for everyone in her life, but there was still something that kept playing on her mind. The same thing that had been invading her dreams and occupying her every thought. She had the perfect woman, who she loved with all her heart and she had yet to tell her. But not anymore. Bails was gone, away from her life forever, so now it was time for her to live her life.