#march27th

Another year of becoming someone I recognize.

Time: 27th of March Place: Benjy’s house Status: Closed, for @benjyfenwiick

We can be selfless for now. I’ll help you. But then, when it’s over, we’ll have to be a bit selfish, okay? We’ll have to.

That’s what Maddy had told Benjy Fenwick on the 21st of March, not long before the first injured fighter had walked into the make-shift infirmary and asked for help. And then? Then ‘it’s over’ hadn’t come. Not for a long while.

First the worst injuries and curses were treated, all through the night, and then in the morning the minor injuries. As promised, Maddy stood by Benjy’s side and helped. Those who had been able to wait, had waited, but eventually they came in, too, and between waiting for Emmeline to wake up and realising that once she did, she was still not ready to resume her work, there was the task of recuperating anything they could from the Potter Estate and moving it over to the House of Bones. And as promised, Maddy stood by Benjy’s side and helped. There were a couple of other people who sometimes took over, just long enough for them to take a nap or go home and notify everyone that they were doing okay. To shower. To eat. And as promised, Maddy stood by Benjy’s side and helped. 

Eventually all had ebbed down a little, and she asked if she could go take a look at Diagon Alley, see how bad it was, and she had asked when they’d see each other again, where, and if that would be because it was finally all over or because it wasn’t, and she had asked if he was okay. And Benjy had said yes, he was okay, and Maddy hadn’t believed him and left anyway. No longer by his side, no longer of help.

She’d done that a long time ago already, and in a way she’d never forgiven herself for it. The anger she felt towards Benjy and Dorcas was in so many parts anger meant for herself, wasn’t it? She’d slept eerily well, the whole week through, perhaps out of exhaustion, perhaps because she knew she was finally doing something, but that night, the night after Benjy said he no longer needed her help, she couldn’t find rest. The moment the morning greyed, she sent an Owl. It came back with an address. Maddy recognised it vaguely as being where Benjy and his dads lived and didn’t hesitate. She was dressed in no time and out of the door in even less.

day off work. browsed tiktok and match

Was it a lie when you told me you were already with someone new? Or was that all said just because I had someone? It made me feel worse because either you lied about being with someone or you lied about not being ready for a serious relationship. I would prefer the former because at least that would be one less person who left me for someone else…

I want to be happy for you but I think I’m still angry, especially if it was the latter. You constantly caused my abandonment issues to swell. You constantly made me feel stupid. You made me feel like I meant nothing to you at a time in my life when you meant everything to me.

I hate that all of this has come up. I’m getting married and I’m so fucking excited. I would never give that up. I just feel guilty that sometimes this stuff still bothers me.