#mar's textposts

i've seen the sentiment around that after all of The Horrors the doormans should get to be a sillyfun family with no problems anymore and . Well. it's nice in theory but umm hot take i don't think they can be as someone who has a very similar upbringing as uzi i know the jumble of emotions that comes with a neglectful parent, or parents. not thinking there's anything wrong with it at first, shifting into thinking that you must be doing something to cause the neglect, blaming yourself for it for years until you get old enough and have the revelation that it was never your fault. and then all that self blame gets replaced with seething rage that your parents were never there for you (even though the self blame is still there subconsciously, and you still find yourself being sorry for literally just. existing?? breathing wrong?? brain what are you on about) and the thing is. yeah i think khan and nori do genuinely grow and change as parents post-series. the problem is ... the damage has already been done, y'know? uzi's already an adult. young enough to be considered a teenager still, but like, a Legal Adult. maybe her parents are there for her now, but what does it matter when she's not a child anymore? (even if deep down, you always feel like a child, like you never quite grew up properly because your parents were never there to help you) khan and nori missed their chance to be her parents, and now that she's older she doesn't even want it. you've left me behind to fend for myself my whole life, don't act like you care now. etc. them feeling sorry about it wont fix the problem. yes, khan was grieving the loss of his wife, probably swamped in work. yes, nori kept herself away from her family because she thought they'd be worse off with her there. they have their reasons, but in the end, it's always the child that reaps the consequences of their parent's actions. uzi was the child that was neglected for her entire life, and it doesn't matter why khan and nori did it, in the end. one can only be so understanding when you will never be able to be a functional adult in the same way as everyone else, when you know what's been done to you is going to affect you for the rest of your life uzi probably runs through a bunch of scenarios in her head. if nori hadn't left, would things have been better? worse? would khan not have neglected her, would they both have neglected her, would it even be worth it to have a second parent when her first never did anything for her? at first, she'd have been ecstatic to have nori back, to be able to bond with the mother she never had. but in the end, the pain of neglect rears its ugly head, and she can't help but feel angry. because if nori had been there, maybe she wouldn't have been so neglected her whole life. at least she would have had someone. just one person who cared about her. and she never got that, because nori was too busy wallowing in self pity? give her a break. it means a lot to me that uzi never explicitly forgives her parents (and if anything, seems more inclined towards not forgiving them, or at least not khan), because im tired of the child always having to bear the brunt of their parent's problems. uzi does not owe her parents forgiveness just because they feel bad about not being there for her now. if they feel so bad about it, maybe they should have been there for her when it mattered. OK UM i hope this makes sense. at all . im mentally ill about uzi doorman and her being a child of neglect means so much to me. hopefully you can get something out of my nonsensical ramblings WHATEVER ... runs away into the woods and trips over a rock and falls face first into the dirt