#mamapose

Oh, I am so focused, so calm, so present (I told myself), I can do this. Certainly my mamasanas will kick in and all will be well. I corralled everyone in the deodorant aisle and started fresh. I then watched three young men use up about thirty minutes of my life getting high on Old Spice. Smelling every brand, picking up and putting down, musing about the benefits of regular or extra strength. I stood “serenely” at the end of the aisle and had a cheerful conversation with a fellow mom. How zen am I? I rock! (I told myself.)  We moved on to oral hygiene and shaving supplies. The young man who has shaved three times in his life contemplated shaving gels. I suggested a shower caddy for the accumulating toiletries. Those will never be used either. And then I noticed that three of everything was going into the carts. What the hell?? It was explained to me that they all wanted to load up for the entire school year. More efficient, they said. I heard that they would be shampooing with bar soap before they would spend their own cash on this stuff.

Desk lamps, extension cords, fuzzy comforters, bath towels…more dilemmas: who knew that boys cared what color their bath towels are? I began to fray. My focus fuzzied, my balance bobbled and my calm collapsed.  The checklist was largely unchecked and smoldering in my fist when I cried “To the check out! Now!” Which is where I ran into yet another mom I know and I saw myself through her eyes. I was appalling. I had forgotten to breathe and was practically hyperventilating as I swiped my card. One of the kids grabbed my car keys and dashed for the car before we were halfway through the line. Go ahead, save yourself, honey!

At the car we crammed everything in the trunk. The boys got in and fastened themselves for the bumpy ride ahead. I got in and put my hands on the wheel. Breathed. In and out.  Called upon the tools I know that keep the crazies away. Then I turned to the three cowering faces and said “who wants lunch?”

And one of them actually said: “I do! I love you, Mom.”