Proud to be home to this particular trademark, my friend. Is it really pining if they aren't going so hard they can still long for each other while in each other's arms? I think no. XD
I could cite this entire chapter of Cantata for Pining So Hard They Become Trees, but I'll keep it to this bit, which is one of my favorites:
~
In the silence of space, the ‘Yang skips through firing lanes close enough to stick a knife in the enemy’s gut, the knife in this case being the GARDIAN lasers chewing away armor plating and shearing apart small enemy fighters that stray too close.
Ship-to-ship combat is an attrition of heat and numbers, and Kaidan has no control over any of it.
Not the moments of vertigo as the inertia dampeners temper the ‘Yang’s maneuvering burns, the intermittent shudder as the weapons systems find a target, not the slow, steady buildup of waste heat that will eventually force them to flee or cook within their own hull.
And not Shepard. The entire covert operation will play out on helmet cams and comm channels, with Kaidan as a witness. Shepard is nothing more than a pinprick of warmth, lost in the rage of heat playing out on sensors. Kaidan glues his eyes to that pinprick, heart in his throat as he waits to see if the Cannae’s GARDIAN lasers detect the infiltration team hidden in the heat signatures of the battle playing out around them.
It’s not until Shepard’s grav boots connect with the Cannae’s hull that the white drains from Kaidan’s knuckles.
But now that they’ve reached the target, there’s a new fear. Pendergrass hovers over Kaidan’s shoulder, chewing a hangnail as the N team hunts for explosives along the hijacked ship’s hull, because its captors would rather slag the whole thing than see it taken back.
Shepard finds the first bomb.
Pendergrass stops chewing and reviews the scans, walking Shepard through diffusing it, and every other one they find, while Kaidan listens in helpless silence until he’s forced to take another breath.
The comms erupt with gunfire when they breach the hull. Kaidan fixes his gaze on Shepard’s helmet cam, the visual slightly out of sync with the audio feed. They had no way to know how many enemies would be waiting on board, but four N6s led by the galaxy’s first N7 don’t give a shit about the odds. Somewhere in the mix Anderson manages to shut off the gravity, taking the linear firefight into multiple planes.
It’s like freeing a predator from a cage. Shepard’s helmet cam spins with dizzying swiftness as he kicks off walls, floor and ceiling ceasing to have meaning in zero G. His shotgun barks over the comm, tendrils of blue flickering around the edges of the camera lens, but this far away Kaidan’s gravity well remains silent and still.
A ragged cheer raises the rafters on the ‘Yang as the lead ship of the ragtag flotilla goes up. Kaidan presses a finger against his ear to ward off the sound, concentrating instead on the helmet cam and looking for any change in Shepard’s biofeeds.
The N team reaches the CIC. A lieutenant named Angevin goes down when they trigger an explosive while breaching the door, but not Shepard, it’s not Shepard, because there he is on Anderson’s helmet cam, blowing in like a tempest and executing three people, including their leader, without uttering a word. Minutes later, the stolen ship’s transponder changes back to an Alliance signature and the cheering begins anew.
Half the crew waits at the ‘Yang’s airlock to greet the N team when they return, Kaidan among them, swallowing back his relief like it’s a living, breathing thing. He gets lost in the shuffle when the airlock opens and the yelling starts, but Shepard’s gaze cuts through the crowd, and he parts it like Moses and the Red Sea. With a grin on his face that could shake the stars, he throws an armored arm around Kaidan and hugs him tight, thunking an energetic palm against his shoulder. Kaidan returns it just as fierce, the plating stiff and sterile against him.
“Did you see that?” Shepard exclaims when they part, elation on his face, hand still on Kaidan’s shoulder, biotic field humming with kinetic energy. This is Shepard in his element, Shepard at his best. The impossible means nothing to him.
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I was lucky enough to participate in the 2022 Spectre Requisitions writing exchange this year, and so very fortunate to have been given one of my dear friends @mallaidhsomo as my giftee! She provided me a list that had SO MANY OPTIONS from which to choose, many of whom were clammoring in my head with ideas when I first read through it! But the ONE that stuck with me most is a completely NEW pairing for me, and one I will likely be writing more for now that I've gotten a taste of it!
Kaidan Alenko/Reyes Vidal
I have no idea what this pairing would be called - Keyes? Reyenko? - but oh my goodness, was it FUN to write!!!!
I wrote two stories for her - Bait and Switch and Luz De Mis Ojos - and now I can share them with you all!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
I'm so very glad you enjoyed them, my friend! And thank you for introducing me to yet ANOTHER rare pair! :)
EDIT: A SUPER HUGE THANK YOU to @shadoedseptmbr for betaing for me! She helped me get Reyes' voice just right!!!! Thank you so much, my friend!!!!!
This was a musing of Tali observing Alice and Kaidan on Agebinium, part of a larger thing for Alice's Elysium story.
Snippet
Shepard knelt down next to Tali and connected the wires to the detonator. Her hands were as steady as any quarian’s as she moved through her task, but there was something off in the way she held her shoulders. Kaidan's shoulders were locked up, too
Actually, Kaidan’s whole demeanor had shifted when Shepard’s did. They were…strange that way. Tali didn’t know if it meant the same thing for them as it would for her, but if it did, well, there was more going on beneath the surface than anyone knew.
Intimacy Prompts: Falling asleep in their arms. For mshenko :D
Sooo, apparently I CAN write prompts. Just takes me a while lol. Knox seemed to like this one and I can honestly say, I was not expecting this...domestic fluff. Hope you like it! My renegade has a soft side. He knew?
____________________________
Knox leaned his head against the seat in the skycar, exhausted from his physical therapy session. There were days he felt he was making more progress in going backwards than forwards; today had been one of those days.
He fought against closing his eyes and sleeping on the way back to the condo, located in the newly built high rise over English Bay. Kaidan's family had one before but it had been destroyed during the Reaper invasion.
"I have to make a quick stop and pick up some things for dinner, go ahead and close your eyes if you need to."
Too tired to even lift his head, Knox rotated it left to study Kaidan navigating the streets of Vancouver with calm assurance. Maybe he should have let him drive the mako all those years ago. No. He’d enjoyed himself too much and the reactions of the crew. Especially the man sitting next to him.
"I'm fine," he said, rotating his head back to the right and further, watching the world rush by in a blur.
Silence greeted his words and swore he could hear a wealth of reproach within it. He was even too tired to care.
"It's just you and me. You can relax your guard, Knox." Frustration laced the smoky voice.
Irritation crept into his, "I said, I'm fine."
God, he sounded like a belligerent child. Felt like one, too. Tired, cranky, and ready for a nap. "Your concern is noted but I'd rather wait until we get home."
Warmth bloomed in his chest at the thought - home. He never thought he'd have one of his own, had never expected to die saving the galaxy.
He still thought he sounded like a whiny child but exhaustion nipped at his heels like a recalcitrant pup and he was unable to keep it at bay. Kaidan pulled up to the store and Knox bit his lip against a groan as he pulled himself up by the armrest, ready to get out.
"You don't have to come in. I just need a few things. Stay here and relax."
"I told you, I'm--"
"Fine. Yeah...you have.” Now he could hear exasperation. “Look, I'm not trying to be pushy, just...take care of you."
Knox followed him into the grocery store, feeling like hed kicked a puppy. He knew Kaidan cared, just had a problem accepting it. Even after all this time. Learning how to look after himself from the age of four, a lifetime of doing so couldn’t be undone in a few years. For the moment, though, he had other things to worry about. It took every bit of concentration in his state of exhaustion not to stumble over his feet and get tangled up in the cane. God how he hated the thing.
He shuffled behind Kaidan who walked slowly to accommodate him; another irritation. Stubborn and too proud to admit it, the thought crossed his mind he should have just stayed in the skycar, let Kaidan shop in peace. Like a kindergartener, he probably needed a nap or Rip Van Winkle for twenty years. OR maybe a Snickers.
Lost in thought, he hadn’t paid much attention to what Kaidan put in the cart but as they checked out, he saw all of his favorites; the makings for homemade mac and cheese, steak, some kind of dessert. Knox’s heart soared at the same time he felt like a complete scrooge, biting the man's head off while he was doing everything to pamper him in spite of the rotten attitude.
"Thank you," he said as they walked back to the skycar. He shivered inside his leather jacket; the temperature had dropped since they’d left physical therapy.
"You're welcome, Knox. Always.”
Back at the condo, Kaidan unloaded the groceries, ordering Knox to go relax by the electric fire with the ambience of genuine crackling flames. This time he listened, wanting nothing more than to rest his leg and hip, still protesting from the session earlier. He all but sagged down to the couch - carefully - propping his leg on the coffee table and reached for a book he'd been reading about the Andromeda galaxy. He may not be up in space anymore but he could still read about it and Andromeda interested him, thinking of the arcs which had headed there. He missed the stars, the only place he’d ever truly felt at home.
Pulled from his thoughts by the sounds of Kaidan preparing a meal in the kitchen, for him, made Knox smile for the first time today. Okay, so the stars weren’t the only place he felt at home, not anymore.
Kaidan appeared as if summoned by his thoughts, carrying a large mug of hot tea. "Cinnamon and apple with a bit of honey."
Closing his eyes and inhaling the aroma, Knox took a sip, sputtering as the hot liquid burned his tongue. He nodded and responded with a coughed, "Perfect."
Kaidan chuckled, "Did you think it wouldn’t be hot?"
Grumbling, he told him, "Go back to the kitchen," but there was no heat in his tone.
"Yes, dear," the words were thrown over a shoulder with a laugh.
Knox sipped the tea carefully, enjoying the taste and the warmth spreading through him. Between the tea and the fire, he was beginning to feel drowsy. He hoped dinner wouldn’t take too long, he might fall asleep. His stomach growled loudly in disagreement.
A short time later, Kaidan came back with two plates piled high with homemade mac and cheese, green beans and medium rare steaks, handing one to him before taking a seat on the couch. They ate in a comfortable, companionable silence; something else Knox had never had but this was easier to accept than being cared for.
The warm, rich gooeyness of the mac and cheese was like a balm to his soul. Knox could understand why it was called 'comfort food.' Of course, the steak was good as well, seasoned perfectly and cooked just the way he liked it. He set the fork down on the plate and sighed with contentment.
A warm fire, a good meal and full stomach, a man who cared about him - even if he couldn’t voice how much he appreciated him like he should. Exhaustion pulled at him, a whisper in his ear to let go and tumble down into the void of sleep.
"Seconds or dessert instead?"
Knox snapped out of his stupor and stared at the empty plate in his lap as if it held the answer to the question. With no answer forthcoming, he made a choice, "Dessert."
"Should have known," Kaidan answered with a laugh. “You and your sweet tooth.” Grabbing the plates, he went back to the kitchen.
Knox couldn’t help finding sweets so appealing. Never having access to much food in general living on the streets, let alone anything sweet, he had become addicted. Saying no wasn't easy for him, though he had limits like everything else in his life, except books...and Kaidan, who came back in with one plate, handing it over before taking a seat. Knox moaned when he saw what it was - a thick, chocolate brownie covered in hot fudge and vanilla ice cream with a glass of cold milk.
“I can’t believe I just heard you moan over dessert with such abandon when you have me right here. What am I, chopped liver?”
Knox glared at him, which garnered a smirk in response. His brain sluggish, a thought occurred to him when he glanced back at the brownie, adorned with his favorite toppings. "Why only one? You're not having dessert?"
Usually, Kaidan ate along with him. They were still biotic after all, needing the calories even if they weren't jumping from one mission to the next anymore.
"I am, after you decide you can't eat another bite, which as you know happens often,” he teased.
This close, Knox noticed the laugh lines crinkling the corners of warm brown eyes; lips turned up in a soft smile, the scars stretched across them; wings of gray in the black hair at each temple...and was hit with a wave of love so strong, he nearly dropped his plate. The strength of the emotion blindsided him, leaving him breathless.
He glanced down at the brownie, not really seeing it at all, terrified of this unrestrained emotion. Control was at the center of his very being. Off balance and floundering, he took a bite of his dessert, one much too big, and nearly choked while trying to swallow it down. Kaidan reached for the glass of milk, thrusting it into his hand. Grasping it like a lifeline, Knox took a large drink...nearly choked again but it helped the brownie slide down and he was able to breathe again.
"You okay?" There was a note of concern in his voice.
"Y-y-" he coughed again to clear his throat, "Yes." He croaked, voice sounding raw.
Kaidan continued to stare at him, as if he didn’t quite believe it. But Knox took a few more bites of the brownie without any more catastrophes and as predicted, handed it over. The laughter in the brown eyes dispelled any remaining concern.
He moved, leaning back against Knox to get more comfortable, then cleaned the plate and set it on the table. It spoke volumes to his concern, when any other time, he’d take it into the kitchen. They remained like that for a while, basking in the warmth of the fire, Knox yawning first, then Kaidan, who snuggled down further. Soon, his upper body was resting against Knox’s legs.
“Does this hurt?”
“No, I’m fine.”
The dark head turned, brown eyes gazing up at him, searching his face for a lie. Not finding one, he got comfortable again. Carefully, Knox placed his arm around Kaidan’s chest, letting it sort of...hang there. He was slowly becoming accustomed to touch but usually Kaidan was the one touching, not him. Yet, it felt right. Holding Kaidan, letting him be relaxed and cared for.
He thought, maybe, he should say something as he mulled over his earlier revelation, give voice to it...tell Kaidan how he felt. Out loud. But as he fought for words, opening his mouth to confess all, a soft snore came from the man lying across his legs.
A huff of laughter slipped from his lips. Of course, just as he made a momentous decision, the object of his speech had fallen asleep but this time, it happened in his arms.
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Aeryn Hawke, absolutely no doubt. She’s a lying, manipulative darling and I love her.
M: is the biggest memer. Hmm. Chet Hansen is absolutely the guy sending all of his buds silly posts and social media weirdness. He’s the only reason half of his friends understand popular culture. Scout Shepard probably comes next closest, since she chatters online with her sorority friends prior to dying.
N: needs way more attention from me. Gerte Lundqvist needs a whole damn story to themselves. I have *plans.*
O: has the most OCs of their own. Jacen Shepard had his imaginary friends growing up, so he probably has to count.
1. Psychological Profile: Earthborn: Currently in draft. This is a fanfic on John's backstory from when he was five years old up to when he enlist in the Alliance. It goes deep into his time during the reds.
2. Hell of a Posting: Currently in editing and will start posting soonish - I hope. This story is a 6 chapter fanfic with Multi-POV. It's mainly an introduction fanfic for Alexandra Shepard (John and Ashley's daughter). It's one of her very first posting after having graduated from college and from OCS. It just so happens to take place on Eden Prime for nostalgic feelings for a future tag-team father/daughter story that takes place four to five years later. Because ARTIFACTS!
3. Mass Effect 1: New Beginnings: currently brainstorming and drafting. As the title points out, it's a long-fic of Mass Effect 1 for John. Will be followed up with ME2: Reborn from Ashes and ME3: An End to it All
4. Between ME1 and ME2 and Between ME3: So have a couple short stories in process right now that I'm not sure if they will make the cut in ME1 or ME2 or ME3. They might end on their own as fillers.
5. Old Enemies: This fanfic is currently in brainstorm though I have started drafted a couple chapters. This is the tag-team father/daughter fanfic i mentioned above. So it's going to be another Multi-POV. I'm really excited to start working on this one. But it unfortunately won't be touched for a while.
And of course I have more WIP in progress for Leah Shepard and my ShepShep.
WIP game.. Cheeseburger in Hell. 🤣😂 I just, gotta know.
Oh my god. The Cheeseburger AU. XD
I posted the beginning of the story awhile back. But the basic premise is teen aged Nathaly is working a part-time job at a fast food joint called Phytoburger (”home of the best beef that’s never lived!”) in the Hellas Spaceport on Mars. This part is actually completely canon for her.
Where we diverge is it’s not long after Mindoir, and batarians decide to get even by taking the spaceport hostage. Also Kaidan is there, having been stuck on a layover en route to an internship in the outer Solar System. Armed only with kitchen implements, they find a way to feed the Alliance vital information to repel the threat.
