#mactivist

“(To those brothers all along the spectrum of time who stood alongside us and if even they fell got back up and joined to our sides, who know the depth of a woman, and who we find even in this age, beside us: A Million Million Gratitudes……. The next poem is not for you.) I twice slept with a man named Macky Lopez I think a lot of women did He’s a mack daddy penis-driven cunning man, Revolution somewhere hiding beneath the piles he left of shit He’s a predatory feel-sorry-for-me type A misogynist tries-to-break-women man He should have a sign around his neck like “Beware. Beware. Beware.” He once told me he had the power to “really mess with people’s minds.” He meant Power in the Indigenous sense. (..You hear me?) He messed with mine. For damn sure. He once said “straight is boring” and by this he meant: a woman here, a woman there, let the chaos rule the hour. He said he wouldn’t be with a white woman - his particular quota of pain and fuckedupshit is saved for the brown wombynsisters. He showed me glimpses of love, care, and depth, but they vanished so quickly I found myself chasing mists. He made me crazy, and I hate the rage I spent on him. I hate too its erasure, its silence - used and abused. ( ! …Oh hell na. Hell no.) Some people say that womanizers don’t love women trying to I’s/(mine) her whiles they eyes her, faking love for lust. Some people say that a man trying should be given a chance but sometimes you can tell they just ain’t trying hard at all and their chance won’t be written on my back, or on other sisters’ backs. If a man ain’t trying let him be alone, and not be messing with us women. Sometimes a man uses his Leader-ship like a Throne from which to get Access Leader-ship getting him into schools, youth and health centers Throne keeping him from accountability Access leaving things ever open for him I saw how easily he hid me, saw how he tried to isolate me from another woman victim. What at first felt like energy was unmasked to be crazy manipulation And it leaves me with so many concerns… He says he’s a community worker but I guess I wonder in what sense he’s working the community. Once upon a time I thought I was falling in love with this misogynist – Me! ?? !!!? What was the reason for my blindness? What blinded me from my Spirit? This ? is full like this women’s movement is full, and getting deeper !Praise be though! – my Spirit be strong and It called me back from the Grave! ! And I walked away. Gave Thanks. What I want to say: is you didn’t have the right to pursue me. You didn’t have the right with her either. Or her (or her, or her, or her….) You don’t have the right to lie to women, fuck with lives and deny deny deny. I wish I wrote your name out that’s how much I wanna protect my future sister from the shit you put us through But it’s not just you… It’s not just your name. And I hope you heal – find the courage to transform And I want Revolution. Revolution doesn’t just mean guns and takeovers. It means you stopping your bullshit. It means all of us stopping our bullshit. Fighting our own demons. What a battle! And a way to honor this life and our place within it. I want Revolution. And I want my Sisters to be safe. I want my Sisters to be safe I want my Sisters to be loved I want my Sisters to have authentic care, respect, honor, trust, and love. Everyone needs love, Everybody deserves it. It seems the thing we miss the most sometimes these days. I lived for many years with a great man and we loved from an infinite place to an infinite place. I know love, a blessing, and I sat under its tree so many days. Deeply grateful, I want this for us all Want Revolution I write this for the Young Men: May you turn from this man’s example. Walk the Path, Bring the Health, Show the Respect Be the Revolution in your Spirits I write this for the Women: May you Heal, Trust Yourselves, DeepStrongProud Sacred Spirits. Walk the Path, Bring the Health, Show the Respect Revolution in your Spirits …Anyway, I count myself unlucky in many more ways than one for having sex with that man cause it wasn’t even fun. (not at all) It was a bit unnerving You know what I mean? Mack Daddy Lopez on the make, on the scene.”