Hey sweetie,

Don’t feel that way, please. Because you are NOT ugly, fat or alone. I think everyone has had their fair share of arguments with parents over style and clothes, and it can’ definately suck and make you feel put down. While maybe you might want to take their opinions on occasionally to meet them halfway and avoid argument (i do this for family events for example), ultimately though you’re wearing the clothes and your comfort as yourself comes above other’s fashion advice.  Style is something so individual and subjective you can’t possibly please everyone with what you wear. So if you are comfortable and you are happy with how you look, then that’s all that matters :).

I think we can all relate to being compared to other people though, especially family members, and the thing i find with this is that it helps to let your parents know how those comparisons make you feel. They are your parents and just want the best for you, so if you let them know how negative their comments are making you feel, they might change their behaviour. Explain to them that you aren’t your cousins but your own person, and tell them they’re making it sound as if they’d prefer you to become another person over just being the person their child is. It’s also good to mention to them that no matter how much they pressure you they can’t change who you are, and while style choices evolve and change, those changes come from what you like and not what other people are telling you is attractive. Over time they should back down on this issue, or meet you halfway, it just might take some resilience from your part.

But never forget that you can dress however you want, and we’re sure you’re beautiful and amazing whatever you’re wearing. And you’re definitely not alone in this - as we’ve all had such similar experiences, but even while we’ve fought with our parents over clothing choices, there always comes a time afterwards in which they come to accept your style too.

Love,

Hey lovely! :)

Totally get what you mean, as the last time reports came out, I had my freedom slightly restricted too. Please know that your parents are doing all of this for your own good and safety, they wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.

Something that worked for me was that I would avoid the city as much as I could, especially prominent places. When I went out during the holidays without my parents,  it would be to meet friends, so we would arrange to catch up somewhere else rather than the city.

When you go out, keep in contact with your parents often so they can constantly be reassured that you’re fine. It doesn’t have to be every other minute, but you could just give them a little text when you get on the train, and when you reach your destination, and if you’re out for the whole day maybe when you’re having a meal, and then again when you’re heading home. Next time you go out, do that, update them so you’re demonstrating your independence and that you can care for yourself and you’re responsible. That you would know what to do (leave the area and contact them) if you were in a situation where you started to feel unsafe. This could make them less worried for you and your safety when you go out other times.

Hope this helps and stay safe :)

Hello there,

We’re sorry to hear this - I think everyone at some stage has felt the awfulness of parents arguing. I guess the first thing to remember (I know it’s cliched but it’s true) is that it’s not your fault. While it is normal in life to have disagreements, remember that their relationship is a different one to the one they have with you .

I’ve felt the same way before and yes I have thought of times when ‘Would it be better if they split up?’ as well. You’re not a horrible person for thinking this - we understand! It sucks when families are fighting. One thing that really helped me was talking about what’s going on with someone that you trust. If you have a friend that you can talk about this subject with then that may help to just get it off your chest. If you feel you couldn’t talk about it with them, you can always talk to one of us FAM leaders or the school councilors in a confidential chat. 

Depending on the circumstances it might be an idea to talk with your parents about how their way/frequency of arguing affects you. Obviously choose a time when there is no arguing going on and talk about your own feelings. Maybe they don’t realise the impact that it has on you. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this then that’s okay too.

It might not be a bad idea to make an appointment to talk to Gillian or any of the other counsellors - or even teacher that you have a strong rapport with, if things are getting you really down, especially if it’s affecting your school life and personality. If you have siblings, it can be helpful to talk together with them and support each other.

Hope things improve,