#maaaaar

But her parents weren’t the only ones she lost. True, she’d lost a few friends when she moved to New Orleans, but she’d made new ones and they all seemed to be gone. Nan had died, Madison ran away, and now Misty was dead, too - stuck in her own personal hell for eternity. Zoe couldn’t even imagine the pain that the swamp witch must be going through minute by minute. 

Nonetheless, the weight was slowly crushing down on her. With the pressure of dealing with council issues, and having no time to grieve the loss of her old life and her new friends, Zoe was utterly distraught. Although Alexis was one of the only things she thought she could count on in her life, she knew that it wasn’t his job to be there for her all the time. Besides, why would someone like him want to deal with petty emotions in someone like her? But when she saw him, most of the time it was a little bit easier to take her mind off things because he was a great distraction and his kisses could probably make you forget anything. That, and she genuinely enjoyed being around him for any reason at all - not just because he was a distraction.

Unfortunately, distractions didn’t always work - especially for Zoe when she was under this much distress. When she saw the Reaper, she attempted to hide any emotions, but Alexis was too good at reading her expression. He could tell when she was lying, and apparently he could sense when she was upset. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate his concern, but she couldn’t see him being able to take the pain away without erasing her entire memory. But she didn’t want that - she wanted to hold onto the good parts, even if that meant she had to hold onto the bad ones as well.

Faking a smile was useless around him, and because he easily saw through it she soon gave up the attempt, sighing softly as his arms wrapped around her thin frame. Resting her head against his chest, listening to the silence that would’ve been interrupted by a heartbeat had he been capable of it, she closed her eyes and gripped him tightly. There were times that she wished he’d never let her go, and this was one of those times. She hadn’t cried over anything since she’d moved, but now it seemed like all those tears she’d held inside were trying to escape all at once. Her eyes burned as she pressed her face closer to his chest, trying to rid her mind of the memories of Misty fading to dust, her mother’s guilty expression, Nan’s sweet smile, or Madison’s emotions slowly twisting to hate as she tried to prove she was the next Supreme. 

               Don’t think about it. Just don’t fucking think about it!

“Shhh, Zoe.” Alexis murmured next to her ear, rubbing her back in soothing circles. It seemed like that was all it took to burst the dam, the tears slipping through her closed eyelids as she balled her fists in his shirt. He didn’t say anything as she cried; just rubbed her back and held her for the longest time, occasionally hushing her. ‘It’s the longest he’s ever held me’ She thought, releasing his shirt just long enough to reach up and wipe away the tears. Eventually, her cries turned to whimpers, and her whimpers turned to hiccups and her hiccups turned to silence. 

Once he was sure she was done crying, he pulled back but kept his hold on her shoulders as he bent down to become eye level with the grieving witch, reaching one hand from her shoulder to wipe any excess tears. “Zoe…” He murmured in a hushed tone, leaning forward to kiss her forehead gently before pulling back again. “You’re okay.” He assured her.

But she wasn’t okay. How could she be okay ever again? She’d lost almost everything, but she hadn’t lost him. Yet.And she couldn’t help but feel responsible for it all. The witches had been fine before she showed up, and it seemed like everything crashed down around her and everyone she knew after she left Florida. Not to mention the words echoing in her mind…

"There’s always a balance. Always." Alexis had said to her. She tensed up as she recalled those words. When she was revived, someone or something else had taken her place. She should’ve died, and she should’ve stayed dead. What the hell was wrong with her? Why did she get to survive, but other people didn’t? She wasn’t special, she wasn’t important in any way. 

"But I-I’m not." She whispered, meeting his dark gaze with her honey-colored hues. "Everything is my fault." She started to shake a little as she felt another wave of sadness wash over her. Disengaging herself from his grasp, she took several steps back and swallowed thickly, trying to calm down before another wave of tears came over her. 

"Why did you stick around? Why haven’t you left yet?!" She couldn’t help it. She’d never yelled at him like this, but it was easier than breaking down again. "I fucked things up, Alexis. Everything." Her voice had quieted a little, but she wasn’t calm. Her hands balled into fists. "Just leave,” Before I hurt you too. The last words wouldn’t leave her mouth, though. 

Instead of leaving, Alexis merely shook his head and strode forward, pulling her into his arms again silently. Zoe had reached up to push him away, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, her hands dropped to her sides and she just let him hug her, kiss her head and for a second she let herself pretend she really was okay. She let herself pretend that she wasn’t wanting to die to make things easier for everyone.

“I-I’m sorry…" She whispered.