#lymphjournal

“i am the one thing in life i can control” except i can’t.   i can’t even control myself.  my body defies my simplest of commands.  i hate this.  i hate being trapped in my own skin sometimes.

honestly, i’m scared of scaring her.  i don’t want to get bad and make her leave.  i’m the scariest thing i know.

I’m so happy to have my girls during this time of the year. They are so full of pure wonder and excitement over everything. They are so happy and this is what Iive for. Their smiles and living through their eyes. I can’t wait to spend Christmas with them.

some days i can’t even recognize myself. still. it’s just a cycle of remember, forget, remember, forget. i’m so tired of it. i’m so dumb. it hurts so many people.

breathe. just. fucking. breathe holy fuck please breathe why can’t i breathe why can’t i anchor my brain why can’t i fucking breathe i just want to fucking breathe nothing is working right and my brain is short circuiting and i’m losing my grip and i cannot for the life of me breathe