When will you see me?
Will you see me when I enter a store and I am unable to navigate the aisles because they keep moving back and forth, Will you see me when you stare at the rash on my face and keep asking "how are you feeling" "you poor thing", Will you see me when I tell you I feel like giving up and talk about the end of my world, Will you see me when I am struggling to clean my house and my hands are shaking and my legs are locking, Will you see me when I am forgetting my fleeting thoughts, slurring my speech, and using the wrong tense verbs, Will you see me when my eye is twitching, my lips in numb and stuck in place, and my legs kick the dashboard of the car for no reason, Will you see me when I take my drugs eight times a day and ask am I drinking the recommended amount of water, Will you see me when I say I want more kids the doctors keep telling me I need to wait until I am better, Will you see me when I am alone in the dark crying and wishing I could be completely normal again, Will you see me when I roll up my pant leg and stab myself once again with a needle and give myself an intermuscular injection of B12 and then put the needle in my personal sharps container, Will you see the pain in my eyes, hear the heart ache of my soul, and understand my loss and disappointment, I was just wondering when will you see me, not Lyme, depression, anger, loss, sickness, rashes, weakness, fatigue, vertigo, tinnitus, depletion, memory loss, When will you see the real me, the one inside the broken down body The person who wants to be normal, dance, sing, run, play, jump, eat anything, sleeps deeply, When will you see me? I know we all have times that we want people to see the true depth of our struggles. Sometimes we just want to be seen and heard and not fixed. This poem is a way for me to let out all the dark stuff that I carry around at times and let it go.
