#lupin-post

Finished my first exam! I have another one in a few days but at leas I'm done with this one

Exam today 😔

Exam tomorrow. Killing myself playfully

My college entrance exam is in three days. Everyone tell me something nice. Otherwise I can and will explode.

It's extremely satisfying to hurt me,isn't it. It's funny seeing me crying or scared. That's why my teachers bullied me alongside my classmates,that's why every kid on my playground knew me because I'm someone you can freely bully without any consequences. Because adults,their parents ,would find my pain funny too,would see me as lesser than them as well,so it was fine as long as it's me. When me being bullied and forced to hide under my desk was recorded by one of the students at my elementary school and their parent complained about this recording to my teacher,she just said "But it's her". So it was always acceptable. Everything is acceptable as long as it's being done to me. Every injustice is fine as long as i'm the only one getting the short end of the stick,hitting me is acceptable because it's me,stalking me to make fun of me is fine because it's being done to me. Everything is fine as long as it's done to me.

Sometimes ,I feel like I don't have a native language. I struggle speaking Russian and I struggle speaking English just as much. Usually it just turns out to be a mess of both. It makes me feel very alienated from the rest.