#lukessaurus

why can't i understand? why does everyone around me have this nagging feeling of "he's weird" when I'm thought of? will I ever be able to understand? will anyone ever like me? even without knowing I'm autistic, people know I'm "different"

I can't distinguish my feelings. are they romantic? platonic? am i in this odd middle ground of autistic processing and on the aroace spectrum? will I ever find love while being who I am? is it possible for someone to love me? do I actually love the person I think I do? do I tell this person? do I ruin my most important friendship? would either of us handle long distance? handle *it*?

not to mention hyperfixations and special interests. am I tolerable? am I too absorbed to form a connection with those I care about? should I avoid my interests to put my loved ones first? I can barely take care of myself from how engaged i am, can I really take care of another person properly? I'm used to having a special interest. while intense, it's not as bad as a hyperfixation. I'm not used to it. it's only been a couple weeks. will my relationships last the next month~?