#lugra

kata temen2 enak ya punya pacar yang bisa bahasa inggris, dua2 ny ntar bisa english conversation an. 

well, somehow. for the most people that wud b comfortable. but im a bit burden with it. well, actually, it's only me with my weird personality. i always under estimate my self in front of someone who expert on something. ahahha

why it should happen on me?

am i too dumb to accept people?

i already told about someone leave me when im in love with him

1. with R when he want something on me, but i cant gave it

2. with A whom leaved without saying a word.

i thought i already told about them clearly, but some kind of miss comm happened.

it just happened a couple hours ago. when L ask something from me but i cant gave it cause i already half asleep and made me lazy to do so.

but then he said something that had a close meaning with R word. somehow i felt the javu! and i told him. but he took it wrong!

he thought that i made him equall with R while i thought only the word.

well, if he never feel that he's the same with R, why he should angry on me. unless he leave me after this matter happen. maybe i should rethink that actually they are the same. they leave me after i cant give them what they want.

some out of the blue happened when we had a talk outside

mamah (M) : lugra

Lugra (L) : ya mah?

M : sini sebentar mau nanya.

sambil degdeg an lugra masuk ke dalem. nad juga ikut2 an degdeg an.

M : mamah mau nanya sesuatu sama lugra

L : .....degdeg...............

M : punya hubungan apa sama anak ibu?

L : .................degdeg................ ada hubungan.

M : sayang gak sama nadya?

L : sayang

M :ibu mah nanya gini bukan mau introgasi, cuma mau mastiin ibu bisa nitipin nadya ke lugra. bisa saling jaga, saling sayang. yah, sewajarnya anak usia sekarang lah. lugra bisa dipercaya kan?

L : insya allah

ok, call me stupid. i really stupid to showed something that make my L angry.i really regret it. 

it started when i had a pict of me and FSH, and Lugra saw that pict. at that time i knew i was wrong. but  i kept calm and believed that it's only past. and i though that he would think the same way. but i was wrong. he really mad of it. but the stupid me with full of stupidity, i post that photos with reason only for memories. 

maybe it's only memories for me, but it deep hurt for him. i never mean it. how could i give him this kind of hurt when i start from very first time that he is the one that will guide me to be better. the one that can give comfort and cherish each other. 

for him, maybe i only made a reason on the top of reason. i really feel sorry of it, the guilty covers me. and i dont know how to fix it and explain it.

Here i am. in front of my opo  would express how i fell recently.

i dont know from where i should start. maybe from the last post i made i already told that god gave me someone better to recover my sadness. and yes, we already "in a realtionship" with him now.

let me introduce u to the man that will fulfill my and spamming ur tumblr since now. >:D 

he is lugra. well, honestly, he is not my type. i only like the way he hug me and show his love on me. i like the way he is, beside the way he easily angry. but overall, i like the manly side on him. :)